As I near the end of this semester...

[Avinia]

Unsurprisingly, I still haven't come out. I did however become a bit braver recently, by cutting my hair shorter for the summer(I do already regret it), dyed parts of my hair blue, and have just generally been putting myself into more social situations. I actually surprised myself the other day when I was able to keep a conversation going for about 10min with one of my friends at college(it usually is just a one sided conversation with me having no idea when I am supposed to talk).

But, with the topic of summer break coming up, I have been doing some thinking. While I didn't really give myself time to think about all of the gender stuff this semester, I do think it is probably about time to confront my feelings. This summer I am hoping to come out to my parents finally, and decide what to do from there I guess.

I did finally think about why I am so afraid of the idea of coming out, and I think the main reason is because I am afraid of losing the ability to be around my nieces and nephews, whom are kind of important to me(to be honest, really the only important thing to me at the moment). I don't know how the adoptive parents of my one niece feel about the transgender stuff, though I don't think they would go to the point of outright blocking me from seeing my niece, since this entire time they have been working with my parents to try and keep the siblings together as much as possible.

Then for my newest nephew, his dad is my older brother, who is pretty much your average trump supporting veteran. I have never really figured out his or his wife's views on the LGBT community. So I do fear their reactions a bit.

Where I am at with my younger brother and his girlfriend, I really don't care about their reactions, I generally just really dislike the girlfriend, which has lead to a dislike of my brother. I think the only reason it would be negative reaction, is if the girlfriend's parents reacted negatively and decided to block my brother from seeing his girlfriend over me coming out.

I no longer really fear my parents' reactions. My dad seems to still be set in his belief that the entire transgender thing is made up by the media to take attention off of the presidential elections, and my mom has proven to be more and more liberal as time has gone on. She actually shares the same opinion as me on the bathroom stuff. I also found out today, that she has a friend whom is married to a transman.

I do think coming out in the summer is the perfect time since that gives me about 2 months to figure things out before I start college again.... Though it also raises the issue of martial arts, where I somehow indirectly agreed to do a trial run at TaeKwonDo, I assume that won't be TOO much of an issue since I don't really plan on coming out to anyone outside of my family for now, and the studio is in a very pro-LGBT area. Also I would be in the very small adult class which is after all of the other classes are done.

Well.. That was my once in a while update on my life.. thing... Now back to The Old Republic....

[Ms Grace]

I hope things work out for you!

[Avinia]

Well, did have a moment today where I had to ask myself again if I really want to come out.. of course the answer is yes, but it is something very scary for me, if only due to what I call my shyness.

Ironically, I had to write an artist statement for one of my classes, and a key point in it, was that my best work, occurs when it is something I am too afraid to actually do. For example, putting my family out in the open for critique by choosing adoption as my topic for my photography series, or going completely out of my comfort zone in music and focusing on rhythm rather than the melody.

So I guess in a way it is kind of like that for me, that even though the best option for my situation is probably to come out, I am being prevented by my mostly irrational fear of actually doing so. I do plan on giving myself some time to work up the courage, just like it took me about a month to actually have enough courage to go dye my hair blue(one of my best decisions in a long time... except the shower and most of my pillows are blue now).

Overall, on the shyness/fear aspect, I have been getting over it slowly, I do still have moments where I have to force myself to do something, but generally I just find it easier to take a deep breath and think about how it would be better to get whatever out of the way now, than to wait until the last moment.

[Elliot-]

Hi!

I only have experience of coming out as gay when I was a teenager (and now a bit worried if I'm trans I have to do it again). Back then I did it gradually, first I came out to my friend, I wrote her a letter because no matter how hard I tried I just didn't manage to get the words out of my mouth. Then my mom found out and later told the rest of the family, so I didn't have to face them and take whatever opinions they might have had back then and give them time, so when I saw them the next time everything was ok. You don't have to come out to everyone all at once. Maybe you could talk to your mom first? Or someone else you already feel comfortable around and are connected with? Also you could write a letter if that feels more natural to you.

Actually the story I wanted to tell you was about this guy who I met through a friend when I was 16 and we liked each other immediately, we had common interests and had already decided to start a hobby group together. Then a conversation about gays came up and he said it's just plain wrong and every gay person should be shot. I looked him in the eye and said I'm gay, let's get you a gun so you can shoot me. He got very confused and said he needs to check on his views. We became good friends and he never said stuff like that again. What I'm trying to say is even the most ignorant person can be that way just because they have never met any LGBT people and don't even think about them as human beings. And when it's suddenly someone close to them they can't keep on thinking the way they do.

You seem like a cool person and I truly hope you find the courage to come out and everything turns out fine at the end. Don't worry too much in advance what others think, this is about you and you deserve to be accepted and loved as yourself. Whatever feelings they may have when you come out they will get over it eventually. Hugs.