Sexual orientation

[myraey]

I am still closeted pre hrt but have been talking to a therapist. It is very embarrasing for me that I have thought about this for so long. I am still undecided about transitioning. But I have come a long way and have learnt to cope a lot better.

What bothers me is my sexual orientation. I understand it is seen as different from gender. For others me prefering this or that seems to be the least exciting thing in all of this. I can understand why, but I am unsure about this. I started out as heterosexual liking women. Am I really attracted to females or just envious of them. Or both. I can fancy the beautiful female form but over the years this has changed into a slightly more platonistic appreciation of them. But I still like women.

Men I am even less sure about. Sometimes I get an itch of sorts. Then again I am unsure and put off somehow. In theory I am very curious about the idea of being with a man. In my current form I don't see myself as very likeable. Certainly not fitting any heterosexual ideas. I wonder if I had a female body if it would make any difference to being with men.

I am very curious how other people changed over the years and where they finally ended up. Did transitioning change things at all.

[Dena]

I didn't change as I have always been asexual. In your case, you should stop worrying some much about your sexual orientation because social pressure could be confusing the issue. Wait until you are out of the closet and into RLE before you spend much time thinking about it.

[Loved_PrincessMPLS]

Hi Myraey,

I have always been homosexual my whole life, from kindergarten until now, never questioning that I was sexually attracted to men. To me, gender identity and sexual preference are comingled but that's how it works in my mind -- it sounds like that's not so much the case for you.

My question dovetails off of Dena's post: What is pressuring you, if anything, to feel attracted to one sex or the other? How do you view gender identity vs. sexual orientation?

Brightest of blessings,

Princess

[myraey]

I am sure socities expectations affect me a lot. Even so I am very ok with everyone being themselves and liking whoever they want. But I am thinking about it more from my point of view and there it gets harder for me. I just want to know for sure. I am undecided yet about transitioning because of far bigger issues than sexual orientation . But the uncertainty around it is one more thing stopping me from going further. Good thing is I don't have to decide now or ever really. For me sexual orientation and gender are separate yet they also affect me how I See myself in this.

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

Well sexuality is one of those things, I was a heterosexual male but wasn't particularly turned on by women. After 5 years or so after transition I am definitely a heterosexual woman, I like men. I think I always did, but could not accept myself as a Gay guy, when I accepted myself as a woman it all fell into place.

But don't get hung up on your sexuality, it is what it is. Once you are happy in your affirmed gender all sorts of stuff become more clear, and not just sexuality.

[Hikari]

I was actually looking forward to the potential of possibly being attracted to men after HRT, but it appears not to be in the cards for me, but you know there is nothing wrong with that. I have an amazing girlfriend whom I love with all my heart so things tend to work out. Just go after who you are attracted without worrying so much what others think or what label it is what matters is what you desire.

[Laura_7]

I am sure socities expectations affect me a lot. Even so I am very ok with everyone being themselves and liking whoever they want. But I am thinking about it more from my point of view and there it gets harder for me. I just want to know for sure. I am undecided yet about transitioning because of far bigger issues than sexual orientation . But the uncertainty around it is one more thing stopping me from going further. Good thing is I don't have to decide now or ever really. For me sexual orientation and gender are separate yet they also affect me how I See myself in this.

Try to relax.
Quite a few people had some change in sexual orientation.
It may be a few points on the kinsey scale.

It will feel naturally to you.
Its well possibly you come to like men more. Its also possible you'll be bi.

I'd say do this for yourself, to come into who you are.
After you feel more like yourself you may see who you like.
And it seems you already have a feeling what it cold be.

hugs

[gymrat93]

I am still closeted pre hrt but have been talking to a therapist. It is very embarrasing for me that I have thought about this for so long. I am still undecided about transitioning. But I have come a long way and have learnt to cope a lot better.

What bothers me is my sexual orientation. I understand it is seen as different from gender. For others me prefering this or that seems to be the least exciting thing in all of this. I can understand why, but I am unsure about this. I started out as heterosexual liking women. Am I really attracted to females or just envious of them. Or both. I can fancy the beautiful female form but over the years this has changed into a slightly more platonistic appreciation of them. But I still like women.

Men I am even less sure about. Sometimes I get an itch of sorts. Then again I am unsure and put off somehow. In theory I am very curious about the idea of being with a man. In my current form I don't see myself as very likeable. Certainly not fitting any heterosexual ideas. I wonder if I had a female body if it would make any difference to being with men.

I am very curious how other people changed over the years and where they finally ended up. Did transitioning change things at all.

I love this topic. Glad that someone finally posted about it.

So, as far as my orientation goes, pre-transition, I identified as a heterosexual male. Although I was naturally really feminine, it just didn't feel good for me to conceive dating other men whenever I myself was in a male body. As I decided that it was best for me to transition, I assumed, even then, that I'd just date women my entire life.

As I transitioned further and felt more comfortable with who I was, it became clear that I do like men, and masculine, straight ones on top of it. For a long time, though, I repressed the thought of ever being with one because I felt like I hadn't accepted myself enough to date a straight man and still feel confident... So, at most, I'd identify as a bi girl who leans towards women.

But, things have radically changed since then because I've become feminine and attractive. After having dated a couple women (and am currently in a healthy relationship with one), I've learned that I feel like I have to compete with them, even if I'm dating them, which is sometimes uncomfortable. I get hit on and approached by men all the time now, after nearly two years of transitioning, and it has opened my eyes to how I prefer them. It has actually caused me significant distress because I wrongfully feel guilty for my overwhelming attraction for men. But, the instant I had sex with one, I knew that it much better suited my need to be viewed as a beautiful female, and now, I'm trying to make a relationship work with a girl who I'm in love with, even if she doesn't make me feel like such a desirable woman like most men do...

Long story short: I lean 70/30 towards men, and I used to identify as a heterosexual male. I can relate to your thoughts quite well, especially how you're now seeing women more platonically.

Claire

[RobynD]

I see it as a spectrum and yeah it is completely separate from gender. I am attracted to both genders and i find that pleasant. I'm also monogamous to my female spouse. We don't have to act on attraction. That is a misnomer i think that people don't easily understand about bisexual people. I'm not suppressing anything or missing out on anything, other than anyone who is monogamous does.

I've always been attracted to both and admitted it fairly early in my life. I was in a relationship with a man before my marriage. After HRT i perhaps notice a slight increase in attraction to guys, but again that really for me is just an interesting thing.

[SofiN]

For me, I started off not really sure what I was interested in. Went along with the bi "excuse" so I could try and figure out what I am.

Being on HRT for a while helped clear things up - I don't know if it actually changes things so much as it helps you realise what you already are. I went from being very unsure to finding men very attractive.

I started noticing cute guys a lot more often and to add to that I have a wonderful boyfriend who likes me for who I am. Some people swing from one side to the other, some people don't change at all.

Don't worry about it, but be ready to be surprised at what you might end up liking!

[Rebekah]

For myself, I am still somewhat in limbo for sexual orientation and it is because things are ultra complicated.

First off I am married to a woman (by whom I can never come out to without being totally deserted and unable to see my own daughter).

Secondly, growing up and even now I have always been attracted to women but as someone said above it could be admiration and envy. But it was so instilled upon me that being Gay was absolutely sinful that even when I did a few things with men when I was younger I felt so shameful and never really felt attracted to them, although always fantasying that I loved that kind of intercourse with me being female and having sexual relations with them. I come finally come to a point where I am attracted to some guys but then there are days....  I really think of all of this has to do with my ultra orthodox upbringings. If and when I ever cross over completely in some unforeseeable future I believe and vision myself with a man and living as a woman but a woman still within my ultra orthodox religion which might seem to outsiders as a mix of Christianity, Ultra Orthodox Judaism and Islamic due to various appearances but planted firmly within Reformed Christianity. I mean appearance wise because outwardly our modesty standards is akin to Hasidic Judaism (Ankle length skirts, blouses to the wrist, no neck baring, and top of the head veiled) but also aspects of Islam such as face veiling (which is actually a very early church practice way before Islam) as well as wearing Jewish Tzittzits. Yes, looking at us will make anyone confused... hahaha

Thirdly, I am transitioning but stealthy due to being married to the woman in the first point.

Fourthly, I am Polygamous, or more akin Polygyny. That is a husband can take more then one wife. So if and when I  ever fully transition and go in a marriageable relationship with a man, I am more then happy if he took another wife as well..

But suffice to say to find any man such as hold such views above and would accept me as a woman, will be nearly impossible for me to be in such a relationship as I would want in the future..

So yeah, All of this makes things extremely confusing for me...  **Deep Sigh** 

[Lara1969]

Ibam heterosexual. I was married with to childs with a women and soon after grs I had sex with men and now I have a boyfriend. It feels right an great.

I personally think the categorys are a little out of date. Because it doesn't only matter which gender you are attracted to on a binary scale. We should use a non-binary scale.

[arice]

Hi Hon,

Well sexuality is one of those things, I was a heterosexual male but wasn't particularly turned on by women. After 5 years or so after transition I am definitely a heterosexual woman, I like men. I think I always did, but could not accept myself as a Gay guy, when I accepted myself as a woman it all fell into place.

But don't get hung up on your sexuality, it is what it is. Once you are happy in your affirmed gender all sorts of stuff become more clear, and not just sexuality.

I get that but in the opposite direction. I have known since my teens that I was a gay man pretending to be a straight woman. The dilemma (for me) wasn't about being attracted to men only about how to deal with the fact that I was stuck in a female body.

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[Lady Skylar]

I am a pre hrt mtf. I know in my heart I am really a girl and feel I have been my entire life. But due to social circumstances I felt required to live as a heterosexual male. I am mostly sexually attracted to women but I also felt I kind of had this attraction to the male penis, but I still hate mine. So anyway my curiosity finally got the best of me and I tried oral on men, not once but twice, and it made me feel so feminine that I actually loved it. I felt like it gave me power. To feel their excitement grow because of what I was doing made me feel special. I don't consider myself gay however I do love prostate stimulation with toys. I've never been with a man other than the two times I gave oral, and I haven't tried seeking out a relationship with a man in the past. However, I have noticed more and more recently I have been craving a sexual relationship with a man, but I don't want to do it in my current form. I think that once I start hrt I'm going to find myself wanting men more than women because I'm already getting cravings for them. I'm not sure why my cravings are starting already even though I haven't started hrt therapy, outside of maybe the closer I get to starting hrt, I guess I feel that I'll finally be more in line with my feminine self. That stands to reason that as a woman, men should be a part of my life right?. I'm not afraid of my orientation changing, in fact I hope I do become more attracted to men after starting hrt. Skylar

[Harley Quinn]

Transitioning didn't change my orientation.  I still prefer women.  I make the joke that I disliked men so much that I didn't even want to be one.  LOL.  My experience with transition did change my perspective on what exactly it was to be a woman.  Seeing behind the curtain, so to speak.  My appreciation for the female form merely broadened.  I didn't change who I was.  My appearance yes, but myself as a person is still very much intact.

My best advise would be...  If you feel that you're a woman be a woman, but do it for yourself.  You'll find someone that will love you for who you are either way (male or female).  Physical appearance is nothing more than an ice breaker, its who you are as a person that attracts.

I'll pose this to you, because sexual orientation is kind of putting the cart before the horse... Would you be happy being seen as a woman?  Would it really matter who you found attractive after transition (male or female)?  Isn't being happy with yourself, first and foremost, the most important thing in your life?  If you don't know who you are, then how can you truly share yourself with another?

It is my personal belief that most of these questions will work themselves out after you find yourself, and bring your body and mind inline with one another.  The most important part of transition is self reflection and identifying what preconceptions are learned and which are nature.  Social "learned" concepts are what create the division between who you know you are, and who you think you should be.  It takes time to break down the wall between what is you, and what you've learned you should be, but you'll get there.

[noleen111]

My sexual orientation changes as a result of transition. I was a straight guy before and now I am a straight woman.

It was not something I was expecting, I assumed that I would be lesbian and never gave it any thought. Some where along the line was attracted to a guy I met. We started dating, it was difficult at first as it was strange for me to kiss a man, be held by one etc.. but when I stopped worrying about it and just went with it, I actually loved being a mans girlfriend.

After we broke up, i did have a fling with a lady, but found myself missing having a boyfriend . Now I am married to man and very much in love and very sexually attracted to him.

[KathyLauren]

That stands to reason that as a woman, men should be a part of my life right?.

Not necessarily. You, as an individual, are attracted to whomever you are attracted to.  Lots of us trans woman were attracted to women before transition and remain attracted to them after.  And every other combination, since gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

I make the joke that I disliked men so much that I didn't even want to be one.

Ha ha, that's me for sure!   

[Lady Skylar]

Not necessarily. You, as an individual, are attracted to whomever you are attracted to.  Lots of us trans woman were attracted to women before transition and remain attracted to them after.  And every other combination, since gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Ha ha, that's me for sure!   

That was a dumb remark on my part lol. I even know some women who continued to be attracted to women after transition.

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[RobynD]

Wow what a cool thread. Since my last response on this but two years ago, my spouse and i have separated and are working on being friends. I am polyamorous, like the label pansexual better, and have two partners a cis male around my around my age and a cis female considerably younger.

The universe moves in mysterious ways

I definitely became more attracted to males post HRT

[Allison S]

I liked men romantically and sexually before realizing I was trans and considering myself a "gay male".
Almlst 8 months on hrt and I find my attraction to me changing, becoming more comfortable and *gasp* maybe even "normal" for once... Before I felt like I needed the other man to affirm my identity as a gay male. Now I can actually be myself, take a breather and most importantly laugh [emoji4]

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