About 18 months ago i was sexually assaulted by a neighbor who basically knows i am transgender.
He won't leave me alone, has come here many times since and always drunk. i never let him in but
was always too afraid of him to close the door in his face.
Talked to my T about it and she said i was sending him mixed messages, that i needed to clearly
tell him that i can't handle seeing him or talking to him.
Every day i wake up and think okay i will knock on his door and tell him but i give in to the dread.
This evening he came again trying to push me to accept a bag of some stuff i didn't even look at so that he
could feel better. i told him as calmly and clearly as i could three times at least but he wouldn't listen.
Here's the part that's bothering me most. i got mad and became forceful and hissed at him that i want
nothing more to do with him ever and demanded he tell me he understood, then slammed the door on him.
i have real mixed emotions now.
i am glad that i was finally able to do it and hope that's the end of it but i was totally broken down after,
shook and trembled and could hardly speak, i was so upset that my old pseudo self showed up like that,
felt like i had been attacked by myself.
i write about this here because nobody else is going to understand it.
Hope someone here does.
Linda
