Wonderful transition without any RLE

[MysteyV]

I'm one who's done RLE.

Having said that when Parliament had its Equalities Commission I submitted that RLE is an ideal where we're 100% safe & in a nurturing learning environment.

Reality is radically different. Putting ourselves out there pre-FFS, pre-HRT etc is plain dangerous & immoral.

I have learned a lot sure ... Like how to pass into "stealth" as quickly as possible to avoid discrimination in employment etc but does this mean RLE should be the norm?

Absolutely not.

If you're transsexual, confident of the diagnosis then the timing should be when it's safe to do so not when some cisgender medical bureaucrat says "Yep you're transsexual enough I'll deign to permit you to partake of my hormones and surgery."

Frankly the NHS has been so diabolical, I've gone 100% private & paid thousands. Worth every penny to be cured now not who knows when ... if I'd be alive to.enjoy it that is.

With all Kindnesses
Victoria xx

[Heather]

I'm of the view is as long as your happy and your not hurting someone else that's all that matters. I understand RLE isn't for everyone and isn't easy. But honestly I look back on the last several years of my life as a period of growth and discovery for me. It hasn't been easy at all I'll admit but I don't regret it whatsoever. It honestly made me stronger than I ever expected. I'm not going to make a statement that everyone should do things the way I do them because it worked for me.
Everyone is different and transition in the end isn't about how you look on the outside but how you feel about yourself on the inside. But really though for me it would have been harder for me to wait till after surgery than it was to just jump into it and start living as myself. 

[SadieBlake]

OP: Not wanting to invalidate your decision, let me contrast how I think transition goes for me.

I feel I've been learning to be a more socially  femme version of my self for a couple of decades, slow but surely easing into characteristically feminine styles of communication. It's not that I want to be rigid about gender roles, rather I'm extremely uncomfortable  around 'male' ways of thinking and commutating and that is probably an equal motivation to a desire for a feminine body.

Also, its what I actually have some control of. There is no practical path for me to pass as femme. Also I would be mortified to find myself being the stereotypical post-op female who is easily clocked by cis-gender women between the habits of male privilege and communication style.

Now that I've decided to transition physically, I'm working more on physical mannerisms, posture etc.

If ever? You don't want to present in your true gender ever?

But further on that point .. I don't want to be tucking everyday, I'm very much for the finish all surgeries (bar maybe breast augmentation?) and then RLE approach. Everyone has their own journey, but this is what works for us it seems.

At this point it seems I'll be approved for surgery with an RLE that will consist of being passing as male with feminine leanings.

I couldn't bear being regularly taken for a 'guy in a dress', nor would I be happy about passing in the best incarnation I can imagine -- a 'handsome woman'. I'm sure in addition to vanity being motivated by that being a fair description of my abusive female parent.

So like the discipline of enforced RLE? I don't; recognize it as having value for evolving to my true gender? I do.

[Ellement_of_Freedom]

So like the discipline of enforced RLE? I don't; recognize it as having value for evolving to my true gender? I do.

Everyone's journey is unique and none of them are the same. I am already feminine in pretty much every way. So for me, I don't need RLE to develop that. It's already there.
P.S. I had to re-read your post to make sure I understood it. By "female parent" do you mean mother?

[SadieBlake]

Everyone's journey is unique and none of them are the same. I am already feminine in pretty much every way. So for me, I don't need RLE to develop that. It's already there.
P.S. I had to re-read your post to make sure I understood it. By "female parent" do you mean mother?

Yes that would be a word you could use, I can no longer put that word in the same sentence as abusive.

Of course I'm conflicted in desiring to be more passably feminine and yet grateful for my physical strength and size which I need to maintain to continue in my artwork which is about large sculpture in blown glass and steel. (Not that there aren't amazing female artists who make big glass, there are however at some point if you don't have the sheer size then you have to have others lifting the work).

[Wynternight]

You had FFS, BA, and GCS done at PAI, yes? Do you mind if I message you?

[Susan]

RLE was intended to give the person a chance to see if transition is right for them. While you had no issues Warlockmaker, others may; SRS and Transition isn't for everyone. I think the deciding factor should always be if you have any doubts at all, then you may want to consider doing the RLE before SRS.  My public transition began a full a year before surgery, and so far I not regretted doing so!

[warlockmaker]

Susan, you are absolutely right. However, I feel that if you are over 40 and are sure this is what you want I feel that RLE should be up to the person. I do feel that for younger transitioners who have not had enough life experience that RLE would be good. One major factor to consider is the ability to have children. And of course are you absolutely sure of this non reversable surgery.

In Thailand the age is considered. If you are under 30 they tend to be more difficult. The interview for the letter is intensive. So the young TGs here normally take HRT and focus on FFS surgery first, then BA then Hip implants. SRS tends to be the final step. This normally takes years.

[warlockmaker]

Hi Wynternight, please message me if you need mote info.

[Ellement_of_Freedom]

In Thailand the age is considered. If you are under 30 they tend to be more difficult. The interview for the letter is intensive. So the young TGs here normally take HRT and focus on FFS surgery first, then BA then Hip implants. SRS tends to be the final step. This normally takes years.

Does this mean for someone my age with no RLE, that they might not consider offering me FFS and SRS (and BA) at the same time, like they did for yourself?

[warlockmaker]

please send me a pm.
Bobbie (warlockmaker)

[Lyndsey]

I never dressed up as a female until post srs and just jumped into the full female life after my surgery. It's been wonderful and a very easy transition. This is contrary to all those who try and impose the RLE before srs. 

For me I was always going to have my srs and live my dream and be true to myself and to others. This ment for me not to live as full female before my surgeries. This was my being true to mysrlf and not to continue living a lie.

I believe that I have had an amazing transition ...maybe because I now live in Bangkok. I attend and have fully adapted myself by attending Thai language class, social functions, dinner parties, clubbing , yoga, gym, swimming , golf etc. All seems to be normal for me...I believe had I been forced to have RLE that I may have not adapted so easily ....I needed to feel secure ...I am an example that RLE is not necessary.

Mod Edit- posted edited to avoid invalidating those that live as their authentic self prior to or without SRS. TOS 9

Hi Warlockmaker

I just wanted to say Chan Ruk Thur

[kelly_aus]

I got my hormone referral by asking for it - after I'd fulfilled the legal requirement in my State. 3 months of therapy.. Then in a follow up session some time later, I was advised that my surgery letter was written and in my file for when I might want it..

No forced RLE involved anywhere in the process.. Not a day. After starting hormones I just kinda slowly morphed in to being full time and never looked back. Worked just fine for me.

I see that some may invalidate my identity because of my circumstances, that's fine, that just gives me equal rights to believe that some bitter, small minded people exist in the trans community.

[Rikigirl]

It's ok for those who want RLE but to force it on a person, of age, to do RLE,  is cruel and takes away our rights as human beings.

I also feel that forcing a person who feels uncomfortable in dressing up as a female when they feel they are not physically ready in appearance is barbaric.

Look at me today...I'm a happy female , I could not image the ridicule I would have received dressed up as a female when I looked and felt physically as a man.

Hi,

I cannot agree more! This is one of the reasons I would never consider any change until all work had been done.

You must be enjoying the beautiful food in Bangkok! I just love the spicy food and so cheap.

Riki

[Raell]

@Warlockmaker  Your story is amazing, and I agree with you.

Sounds like you can rock either gender!

Yeah, I love Thailand, but I'm not a conventional gender in any way.

I live in a southern town near the Malayan border, near the beach, live a Thai lifestyle, go months at a time without even seeing other Caucasians, think a lot in Thai. I eat Thai food, bought in open Thai markets, drive a motorbike as the Thai do, teach ESL to Thai children at schools on the beach, make little attempt to hang with expats, who seem, for the most part, to behave and live the lifestyle they had in their own countries.

Since I was raised abroad, I never felt like I fit in while living the USA. I now attribute this sense of not belonging to not only being a Third Culture Kid (I speak, read, and write five languages, but not all languages very well in all areas), but being partial transmale..neither male nor female.
It's like I don't exactly fit in anywhere, either culture-wise or gender-wise.

But I do love living in Thailand, where people are usually allowed to express their gender identities as they see fit.

I also love the weather, the food, etc.
I love swimming in the ocean since I live a six minute motorbike drive from the beach, or photographing wild birds and animals in the mountains and swamps.

Me, swimming at Samila Beach, where I'm heading as soon as I finish writing this.



Tiny male Brown-throated Sunbird, photographed two blocks from my apartment building, by the swamp

[Briezy]

It's funny that this is something out of the norm because it is exactly how I feel. I've been on hormones for almost 11 months and have set up an initial consult for an orchiectomy so I can I have it done as soon as possible after I hit my year mark, but I have no intention of living the RLE simply to prove to my insurance company that I am serious about my transition.

For me (and I did laser on my beard and am hitting the rest with electrolysis) I feel so much worse about myself when I force myself into what I know is my eventual destiny, but can end up feeling sad and disappointed that I'm not further along and that I'm not as pretty as I want. Those are the only times I actually want to give up. I mean there are times I love going as as the female that I am and I feel super cute but when I'm not feeling that I can't handle the feeling of being in a fishbowl. I fully intend to have gcs but the orctiectomy is what I am able to do now. This is a long, rambly comment but I believe my RLE will begin and be so beneficial once my outsides more closely align with my insides. (Not like my organs or intestines but my heart and soul....rambly)


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[Rikigirl]

It's funny that this is something out of the norm because it is exactly how I feel. I've been on hormones for almost 11 months and have set up an initial consult for an orchiectomy so I can I have it done as soon as possible after I hit my year mark, but I have no intention of living the RLE simply to prove to my insurance company that I am serious about my transition.

For me (and I did laser on my beard and am hitting the rest with electrolysis) I feel so much worse about myself when I force myself into what I know is my eventual destiny, but can end up feeling sad and disappointed that I'm not further along and that I'm not as pretty as I want. Those are the only times I actually want to give up. I mean there are times I love going as as the female that I am and I feel super cute but when I'm not feeling that I can't handle the feeling of being in a fishbowl. I fully intend to have gcs but the orctiectomy is what I am able to do now. This is a long, rambly comment but I believe my RLE will begin and be so beneficial once my outsides more closely align with my insides. (Not like my organs or intestines but my heart and soul....rambly)

Hi Briezy,

I don't think it is as rare as we would expect. With easier access to HRT many people are able to address their dysphoria but won't necessarily go all out until they are ready for many reasons. I have heard that the orchiectomy can leave less skin for the GRS/SRS later, so if you can hold off on that until then it might be better. Depends if you are ok with the Spriro?

Riki

[Susan]

I do think any form of RLE should never be required until the person has had 3-6 months of HRT at a minimum and possibly longer.

[warlockmaker]

Hi Raell, Saw some of your earlier posts that you live in S Thailand. I still have a substantial villa in Phuket where my daughter and wife live, there is a top notch school there.. My wife is not Thai. I opted to live in a city. Lived in big cities my whole life and feel comfortable living in Bangkok. Maybe when I'm 80 I will move back to Phuket for the quiter beach life.

Love my new life and look forward to each amazing  day. I now speak and write Thai so I get immersed into their culture.

[Raell]

You go Girl!

Yeah, I can't stand Bangkok, though; too crowded for me. However, I took a van to Bangkok every few months when I lived in Lopburi in 2011, to buy CD TV series from the big video store in FutureMall.
Now I just watch Netflix.

I have never been to Phuket because of the reputation of high prices and operators being accused of bilking tourists. Instead, when I lived in Nakhon sri Thammarat, I'd visit the much cheaper and quieter Ao Nung, near Krabi, on weekends, across the bay from Phuket, where I could rent a beach bungalow for $10 a night, or take a diving boat boat to Mu Ko Similan
But I doubt it's that cheap now. I went last year with my daughter, but since I now live so close to Samila Beach I just go there where I want a swim.

Me at Mu Ko Similan National Marine Park in 2013