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New college anxiety.

Started by Meowt, June 12, 2016, 02:06:31 PM

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Meowt

I'm starting a new college in September and I'm having an introductory period next week for 3 days.

I'm going to be there as a stealth male, and I don't want anyone to know of me being trans, but I have a few issues that are really stressing me out.

The first thing is that I am pre hormones. I have a feminine face, voice and body and I don't feel that I pass. 99% of the time in social situations I am gendered male, but I don't want anyone to have doubts, ask questions or outright not believe that I am male.

I am also coming from an all girl's school, and as people usually ask what school you're from that's going to be awkward.

And then there's just general anxiety around a new college. I'm not good in social situations and lately I've been noticing how overwhelmed I can become, to the point where I withdraw from the situation I am in almost completely, and feeling generally 'frazzled'.

All I really want in this college is to 'fit in' and be seen as a guy, instead of a 'dyke' or '>-bleeped-<' (as I've been affectionately called (/sarcasm) at my previous school) and I want to be able to comfortable where I am.

If anyone has advice please share. Thanks in advance.
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objectionyourhonour

Hi, not sure how much help I'm going to be but I thought I'd post anyway since I'm in a similar situation (ftm, starting university next year, also from a girl's school and also pre-hormones).

First of all, if you usually get gendered male that's pretty good for starters. More than can be said for me anyway haha (it's my own fault, I grew my hair 'cos I wanted to be a rock star and ended up looking like a woman). I assume you'll be using a male name and pronouns so that should give you an advantage in being perceived as male straight off. Also, remember that any new people won't know about whatever transition process you went through while at your current school, or remember you 'as a girl'.

As someone who has moved school a lot, I would say that most people are more interested in getting to know you and showing you around than prying into your previous school life. I don't know the details of your situation, but if the new school is far enough away from your old one there's a good chance the people you meet won't particularly know of it or that it is a girl's school. If you're not comfortable with that you could just try to avoid using the name, just refer to it as 'my old school' etc

At an early stage of transition you are unlikely to be able to stay in stealth mode long-term but you can come out gradually to specific people. If they get to know you as a guy first and then find out you're trans the 'dyke' label is less likely to stick. Remember that you are perfectly within your rights to not answer intrusive questions about your gender that you feel uncomfortable with. The basic stuff about pronouns etc should be fairly straightforward and anything else isn't really anyone's business.

As far as general anxieties go, it might help to get to know a few people from the school outside of a formal context first so you have a few familiar faces to help you out. Also, joining societies or getting involved with activities you're interested in can help you meet people and establish a friend group.

Hopefully this has been some use, feel free to private message me if you want talk about anything without putting it on the forum.

You're an awesome guy and if anyone doesn't see that it's only their loss so don't let it get you down!

Jay
Don't dream it, be it.
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objectionyourhonour

'want talk' oops! I really need to proofread my posts better, I always end up firing stuff off in a hurry and sounding like a caveman.
Don't dream it, be it.
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Dena

I was never ask about my previous school but times may be different. I would suggest you have fun with it and be mysterious. You can say hell, it was such a bad experience I don't want to talk about it or with a big smile on your face you can tell the the truth and they will never believe it. As you have time to work on it, you have plenty of time to come up with an answer that doesn't spill the beans and isn't a lie.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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Meowt

Jay: thanks for the reply :)

I'll be using the name Matthew, which is on my passport and exam certificates, and my gender is legally male so everything, in theory, is fine there.

With close friends, especially those who are LGBT, I wouldn't be uncomfortable with them knowing, but to the majority of people I would be very uncomfortable with them knowing.

A few people from my old school are going, and alas they're not the best (the sort of people who throw transphobic slurs and imply I'm not a real guy), so I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to out me but I'd try to deny / prevent it.


Dena: I was considering saying that I was homeschooled, although I agree a simple 'I don't really wanna talk about it' would suffice.


Thanks again
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