It's official

[Emileeeee]

After almost a year of trying to work things out with my father, it came to light the reason it's impossible to get ahold of him. He said he refuses to speak with me if I don't present as my old self with him and that he will never accept me as myself. He's been the most negative experience in my life, stomping all over my self esteem at every possible chance, but I kept him in my life because he's my father. Now he's telling me he doesn't even want me in his, so as of this day, I no longer have a father. I've been dreaming of this day for my entire life, thinking about how much more peaceful my life would be and now that it's here, it's not as heavenly as I expected. I am happier without him, but knowing that your own father doesn't love you after 40 years, is a crushing blow.

[Laura_7]

PFLAG recommends to keep people somehow in the loop, like sending cards from time to time.
Some people may come around.

There may also be the possibility to show some materials showing it has biological connections :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

And lastly there might be the possibility to ask a person of authorithy to talk to him.
A supportive person from church ... a therapist ... someone his age from PFLAG ...


Well its up to you if you think you want this person in your life ...


hugs

[Emileeeee]

I sent hims all kinds of links when he requested them after I came out to him. He think priests are mentally ill for believing in religion. He also doesn't trust therapists and calls them all quacks. There's no way he would ever consider speaking to someone that is even remotely connected to the LGBT community. He's been very clear over the years about his dislike for the LGBT community, verbally and physically. Sometimes I wonder if he's actually gay and so terrified of being found out that he'd rather treat his own kid like crap.

[LizK]

Well that just sucks...I had issues with my parents and if they hadn't been my parents I would have called them bat ->-bleeped-<- crazy. I went through a long period where I thought my parents had written me off as a lost cause.

All I can suggest is keep the lines of communication open if you can, this did work for me and now after about 9 months we are talking again.

Never say never

Liz K

[Laura_7]

I sent hims all kinds of links when he requested them after I came out to him. He think priests are mentally ill for believing in religion. He also doesn't trust therapists and calls them all quacks. There's no way he would ever consider speaking to someone that is even remotely connected to the LGBT community. He's been very clear over the years about his dislike for the LGBT community, verbally and physically. Sometimes I wonder if he's actually gay and so terrified of being found out that he'd rather treat his own kid like crap.

Sad but some people really give that impression.
Imo it seems to be some kind of propaganda from old times but people should start to see the people behind those images.
Its simply people.


Being gay is something different (though there seem to be biological connections to being gay as well).


Well you know them best ...
you could say that its a biological condition ...
and possibly print the NHS brochure and send it, after all its scientific ...

and it can be compared to epilepsy, people used to think its some kind of posession but there are biological reasons so its not their fault.

Just as arguments in case ...

it may be possible it needs some time but its possible it sinks in eventually ...


hugs

[Paige]

After almost a year of trying to work things out with my father, it came to light the reason it's impossible to get ahold of him. He said he refuses to speak with me if I don't present as my old self with him and that he will never accept me as myself. He's been the most negative experience in my life, stomping all over my self esteem at every possible chance, but I kept him in my life because he's my father. Now he's telling me he doesn't even want me in his, so as of this day, I no longer have a father. I've been dreaming of this day for my entire life, thinking about how much more peaceful my life would be and now that it's here, it's not as heavenly as I expected. I am happier without him, but knowing that your own father doesn't love you after 40 years, is a crushing blow.

Hey,  Just wondering is you father your only family?  Do you have others in your family that support you?

I would suggest you just let him be for a while.  Give yourself time for healing.   Maybe revisit this in a year or so but you have nothing to feel guilty about.  Sometimes parents are just jerks.

Take care,
Paige

[Emileeeee]

Sad but some people really give that impression.
Imo it seems to be some kind of propaganda from old times but people should start to see the people behind those images.
Its simply people.


Being gay is something different (though there seem to be biological connections to being gay as well).


Well you know them best ...
you could say that its a biological condition ...
and possibly print the NHS brochure and send it, after all its scientific ...

and it can be compared to epilepsy, people used to think its some kind of posession but there are biological reasons so its not their fault.

Just as arguments in case ...

it may be possible it needs some time but its possible it sinks in eventually ...


hugs

I thought about trying to prove to him why this isn't just some random decision I made, but he's being such a jerk, I feel like he doesn't deserve an explanation. If you can't accept your own kid, no amount of coaxing is going to change that.

[Emileeeee]

Hey,  Just wondering is you father your only family?  Do you have others in your family that support you?

I would suggest you just let him be for a while.  Give yourself time for healing.   Maybe revisit this in a year or so but you have nothing to feel guilty about.  Sometimes parents are just jerks.

Take care,
Paige

No, he's not, but my mother's whole side of the family cut me off, except for her. Everybody on my father's side is accepting except for him and his wife. Even his parents are okay with it. But him being like this is a major obstacle. His side of the family is extremely family oriented. We all get together numerous times a year and he's ALWAYS there. Him being like this is making it very difficult to see the rest of the family.

[JoanneB]

Quite a few members of my support group have had "Issues" with parents, siblings, or other family members. Some come around in time. Others come around some time later, and then... Others.... are still maybe working towards it

[Laura_7]

I thought about trying to prove to him why this isn't just some random decision I made, but he's being such a jerk, I feel like he doesn't deserve an explanation. If you can't accept your own kid, no amount of coaxing is going to change that.

Well its up to you but I personally would print the brochure and send it off with an explanation that its biological, there are even national health services stating that and that understanding may be compared to epilepsy where people also would suspect other motives while its simply biological.

It may take some time to sink in.

But its simply fears people have, and the feeling they are right, which they arent. Its not scientific.
Some people are so ingrained in their own fears that they cannot see the love for other people.

Imo it may take time but a scientific explanation may start to work inside of him.


hugs