Family problems are starting to effect me

[Midnightstar]

I talked to my parents together this morning and this time explained that them not using my pronouns has been bothering me a lot my mother just first rolled her eyes and after that my mother basically told me we live in a small town and people will find out anyways. And she wasn't willing to call me he she wants to just split my name in half and use my name forever i told her that wouldn't work and they didn't seem to care. It really bothers me that they are playing this off and it's gone on like this forever and its not even so much pronouns as for some reason this has been wearing on me lately super hard iv'e been in a emotional state for about two days now and i'm having huge amounts of anxiety. I hate the thought of having to live and exist here knowing nobody is going to respect my pronouns and knowing that their excuse to escape it is going to last forever. What really hurts is when i have my mother talk about how she has two daughters (me and my sister according to her) even after what we've discussed.
Even after i'm explaining how hurt this is making me they show zero condition other then we'll try
and can we just call you __ and i'm just sick of living here. I'm even down about moving because i know i'm not escaping, i know i'm stuck living where they'll be blurting out how much of a woman i am when i'm not a woman.
  I don't get why its taking such a tool i don't think its all about pronouns either i think its more i just see the fake in the and their lack of trying and it bothers me and i don't feel safe/supported by my own family,
I feel outcasted and i hate how its starting to pull on me a lot stronger then before! Knowing that even after moving i'm going to be locked in a cage. Knowing even after T i'll be called "She" knowing that its to them all a phase or game and knowing no matter how much i try to get them to understand hey this hurts it isn't working. Knowing my mother still manages to make rude jokes to me basically saying how i'm not a real man. I'm close to braking down into tears and i haven't cried about this i've been hurt but never seen myself to this point.

[Estelle]

I'm very sorry to hear about this, bro. I completely understand your pain and frustration, and I hope that they'll eventually come around with time. They're deliberately hurting you, and that is not okay. Though from their perspective, the person they thought they knew is someone else, and they're afraid of losing tnat person but really they're in denial. Even open-minded parents aren't always on board initially, and even when they are, sometimes they'll occasionally misgender out of habit. A lot of cis people have a hard time understanding what we go through; so I suggest dumbing down explanations if possible. Right now, you're going to have to rely on your inner strength, to keep you from completely breaking down. Emotional support from your family would be awesome, I'm sure, and your family shows promise based off of similar stories I've heard. However, regardless of what they believe, you're still a man and you know that. Your validation matters more than anyone else's. I hope things get better soon, bro.

[Midnightstar]

I'm very sorry to hear about this, bro. I completely understand your pain and frustration, and I hope that they'll eventually come around with time. They're deliberately hurting you, and that is not okay. Though from their perspective, the person they thought they knew is someone else, and they're afraid of losing tnat person but really they're in denial. Even open-minded parents aren't always on board initially, and even when they are, sometimes they'll occasionally misgender out of habit. A lot of cis people have a hard time understanding what we go through; so I suggest dumbing down explanations if possible. Right now, you're going to have to rely on your inner strength, to keep you from completely breaking down. Emotional support from your family would be awesome, I'm sure, and your family shows promise based off of similar stories I've heard. However, regardless of what they believe, you're still a man and you know that. Your validation matters more than anyone else's. I hope things get better soon, bro.

I've gone over some of this stuff before its just it weighs on me and it sucks at the start i didn't think it'd all be that bad to handle. And the pronouns i just thought that it would be easy to forget about if it didn't go as planned. Guess my feelings over time proved to me it wasn't that simple. I'm keeping as strong as possible at the moment i don't feel like i'm in a complete brake down so that's good i guess. What do you mean by dumbing down on explanations? My family is manipulative, i'd give them a little hope but not a lot its hard living inside a family that you know likes to make everything out to be nothing and can't seem to grasp the understanding it hurts.
I mean i know i need to give them time but I've given them time and as time goes on they just want it to be one way and nothing else and that can't happen. I don't know i'm probably giving up on them to soon, but thanks  at least someone see's hope in the situation i probably just feel blinded to it at the moment even though i understand what you're saying and know this is hope its just feeling slim. But thanks for reminding me my validation matters more then anyone else's because i was probably starting to lose sight of that last night and i try my best not too.

[NicoleAshley]

I can understand that struggle. I lived in a house at the start of my transition where everyone in it seemed to purposefully use the wrong name and pronouns for me. I hated it, and believe me, moving out does a great deal of difference.

I know when I came out I started a week before high school graduation by coming out to my class as a trans woman. Somehow about everyone in this city knows about me, the real me now. I guess I took away my parents options to say anything wrong to others.

Do you at least have friends that are supportive, or a center somewhere around you? Believe me, those two things help a lot. Trans meetings are just the best places ever.

As for the whole pronouns thing, I go by they/them pronouns and it's a miracle if someone gets them right. I hope one day your parents will come around to the real you, and use the right pronouns. Everyone takes a while to adjust to it, and I hope that they come around soon. You're a real man, and you deserve to be treated like one, and given the same basic human respect that everyone deserves.

[Midnightstar]

I can understand that struggle. I lived in a house at the start of my transition where everyone in it seemed to purposefully use the wrong name and pronouns for me. I hated it, and believe me, moving out does a great deal of difference.

I know when I came out I started a week before high school graduation by coming out to my class as a trans woman. Somehow about everyone in this city knows about me, the real me now. I guess I took away my parents options to say anything wrong to others.

Do you at least have friends that are supportive, or a center somewhere around you? Believe me, those two things help a lot. Trans meetings are just the best places ever.

As for the whole pronouns thing, I go by they/them pronouns and it's a miracle if someone gets them right. I hope one day your parents will come around to the real you, and use the right pronouns. Everyone takes a while to adjust to it, and I hope that they come around soon. You're a real man, and you deserve to be treated like one, and given the same basic human respect that everyone deserves.

Its a struggle as in its sort of pulling on me and i hate that, before it was simple enough to dislike but handle and idk i got stressed but now its just a oh great its worse kinda thing. i feel like my apartment would be helpful to a degree but im even down about that because i know i'll be around family who won't respect my pronouns or who i am inside and who'll spread the word i'm female. They like to use the i accept you as you thing
only to then do the exact other way around it feels like a play. Anyways yea, my friends are supportive but there in Georgia i'd have fly on a plan to go down and see them i have nobody around me and zero friends close by.
I don't have a support group to go to there are none in my area the only one i want to go to is a couple hours away
maybe one i don't know but a while away and nobody would want to bring me to it iv'e tried. I went to one other support group (the only one close to my area that even exists) And i didn't like the feeling and i didn't like the people who ran it, i wanted to give it another shot anyways just assuming that was my anxiety and thinking maybe it will be better over time? but my parents wouldn't bring me back up and i don't got a car.

[cindianna_jones]

About ten years after my surgery, I went to lunch with Mom and Dad. They could NOT get the pronouns straight. Dad was the worst. On the way to the restaurant I said, "Dad, if you get the pronouns wrong today, you will be embarrassed. Not me."

Invariably, we sat down and the waitress asked for our orders. Dad looked at the waitress, pointed at me, and said, "He'll have a Diet Coke." I looked up at the waitress and gave her my big toothy smile and said, "You'll have to forgive my father. Alzheimers is so cruel."

That was it. He never pulled that again in public. It took many more years for him to get it right in private. I'm not sure if he ever did get it alone with Mom. It's not that he couldn't accept me, he just had these old habits concerning me. I was his child. He took me on hikes when I was little. I rode on the back of his horse. I helped him kill chickens. He taught me how to build things and work on cars. It was very hard for him to "discard" those memories in favor of new ones as he would put it. So... I cut him some slack.

Home life can be miserable for us. I get it. I understand how hurtful this is for you. But it is hard for the family too. You've been coming to terms with this for most of your life. They have likely just been handed this issue. Be persistent and firm but also learn to forgive and understand. And most of all... get out of there!

[Midnightstar]

About ten years after my surgery, I went to lunch with Mom and Dad. They could NOT get the pronouns straight. Dad was the worst. On the way to the restaurant I said, "Dad, if you get the pronouns wrong today, you will be embarrassed. Not me."

Invariably, we sat down and the waitress asked for our orders. Dad looked at the waitress, pointed at me, and said, "He'll have a Diet Coke." I looked up at the waitress and gave her my big toothy smile and said, "You'll have to forgive my father. Alzheimers is so cruel."

That was it. He never pulled that again in public. It took many more years for him to get it right in private. I'm not sure if he ever did get it alone with Mom. It's not that he couldn't accept me, he just had these old habits concerning me. I was his child. He took me on hikes when I was little. I rode on the back of his horse. I helped him kill chickens. He taught me how to build things and work on cars. It was very hard for him to "discard" those memories in favor of new ones as he would put it. So... I cut him some slack.

Home life can be miserable for us. I get it. I understand how hurtful this is for you. But it is hard for the family too. You've been coming to terms with this for most of your life. They have likely just been handed this issue. Be persistent and firm but also learn to forgive and understand. And most of all... get out of there!

I worry even when i leave it'll continue that scares me the most
and i'm doing my best to get out but its a couple more months before i can even move out.
I've been trying my best to give them time but like i said they take it like a game, everything to them is in one ear out the other and its aggravating and hurtful. I never trusted my parents, but to realize they don't feel like people i can go up to and trust anymore is hard. I try to be understand, i do but that's hard when i do see effort from them.
I don't know maybe its me, anyways i like what you told the person when your dad did that it that was funny, i really should do something like that to mine maybe it'll fix the problem quicker haha.