Quote from: Sno on May 12, 2016, 06:10:42 PMbecause it's challenging his constructed alpha core
Yeah. I can definitely tell. And the thing is, since I'm FtM, I'm sure the idea of me "becoming male" is very threatening to him. I'm pretty masculine, and he has shown signs of being threatened by my masculinity for the past year or two. Trying to reduce me to jokes, brag to me about his physical achievements saying how "you can't do it", etc, despite not being me not being bio male and five years younger than him.
Unfortunately, like I said, he's 20. Everything is pretty much a competition at that age, regardless of gender (though more often occurring in males). And he's also the dreaded white American upper-middle class heterosexual, too, so he's pretty much on top when it comes to the privilege meter.
He outperforms me in everything physical except stamina (smoker's lung, he's been smoking excessively since he was 18 and I wouldn't be surprised if he developed lung cancer within the next few years). Even being able to last longer than him during physical challenges makes him feel threatened. But, he's still stronger than me and faster than me, he (of course) has more facial hair, a deeper voice, and overall more testosterone.
If I "become male" (aka take testosterone), the idea of me having a deeper voice, more facial hair, and being stronger/than faster than him is probably horrifying, because he's always been on top. If he still lives at home by the time I'm on T (which I predict he will if I start testosterone at age 18), I wouldn't be surprised if any physical fights broke out. He's very protective of his masculinity, always has been. I'm pretty sure he'd rather me be MtF rather than FtM if he had to pick one, because if I was MtF, he would probably see me as a wimp or a wuss, but at least I wouldn't "steal his position", or whatever. He can't stand the thought of a "female" being stronger than him. And his attitude doesn't help with me feeling the need to compete with cis males, either (I know I don't, but I'm having a very hard time breaking that train of thought.)
TL;DR my brother is swimming in his masculinity and doesn't want me to be male.
(I also have one other brother, but he has never really cared about his masculinity and overall doesn't care about anything.)
For the first two responses, I suppose that will have to be the case. My plan was to educate him over the years so he'll take in the information and I'll have a better chance of being accepted by him when I do come out, but if he won't listen, he won't listen.
