Server social anxiety

[Midnightstar]

So this entire time i was pinning me feeling better on actually speaking with a transgender group and making friends
and i still really want to do that. So i found myself a group on discord servers and i introduced myself but as soon as i heard everyone speaking i froze up clicked out and literally broke down in fear. I found myself thinking i still do that?
Because i'm so used to be okay speaking to people one on one i didn't expect me to get so scared in a group of people. It gets me thinking about outside in the world because my anxiety is so bad i even do this in groups of people or places where large amounts of people are. If more then one person is talking even more so if there talking to me
before anyone understands why i get up and leave the room terrified and don't return. Iv'e even done it in a support group offline and yea iv'e completely embarrassed myself for randomly up and leaving without saying why and i also didn't like it so there two reasons why i didn't return. It interferes with my daily life and i just don't know what to do anymore. I was thinking tonight and i got really upset because all i want to do is feel connected and accepted inside my own community and i can't even reach out without being scared. I don't want to live my life alone i don't want to feel like i'm transitioning alone i want someone in person to speak with i want a group of friends not just a couple....i want to understand what that is like and i don't feel like i can ever get that chance. I don't know what to do 

the biggest group iv'e ever been in was one on susans and that was typing i still messed up..
due to depression but still, life feels like a maze i can't get out of and i'm tired of trying to understand/escape it.
Iv'e been to one group in a tiny chat but i new them and was comfortable with them yet still couldn't start a conversation. I already get that everything is my fault i lived it and i just feel like giving up on trying, but some how i still find myself standing around.

[Elis]

Yeah I've felt like this a LOT of times. I get more nervous on a group chat on a computer because I can't read people's body language or social cues (which I find difficult in real life but less so). Which is why i dont use the chat on this forum. I wouldn't feel embarrassed; I'm sure many trans people have done that some time in their life.

I went to a couple of local trans groups then stopped because I found it too difficult to talk to anyone. I only went to one recently because it was strictly nb; so found it a lot more comfortable being there. Although I did the embarrassing thing of walking into this foyer in a theatre where they met; seeing them then walking out again because I got too nervous. I had to walk around for 10 mins to calm down then went back in. I'm not sure if they noticed me walking out :/. But it's progress; in the past I would have just left. I think the effects from the T are making me more confident too.

So please don't beat yourself up. Most people you pass on the street have some form of social anxiety. Maybe simply focus on yourself and this forum for now; then try the chat again. What I've learned is you won't be successful socialising with a group the first time round. It takes multiple attempts; a few embarrassing moments and awkward conversations before you make progress.

[arice]

Severe social anxiety here too. I have to psych myself up for weeks to go shopping at new stores or to go to a doctor. Making phone calls to anyone other than my parents and in laws makes me anxious (even phoning people I've been friends with for over 25 years). I would never meet new people if it weren't for my husband or close friends because I'm too afraid to go it alone. I desperately want to check out a local trans group but know that I probably will never have the courage.

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

[Laura_7]

There is a fight or flight response (the third is to talk ... its not included in all literature yet ).

You might try to get a handle on the flight response.
If you are in a social situation like that where there is no real threat don't bail out immediately.
Just sit there and listen and try to get comfortable with the situation.

Same for groups. Its possible to get in there and say a few words, the most necessary things.
Its not much.

Its neither necessary to make a great impression or whatever. Just sit there, listen and hear what people say.
You may get used to the situation over time.

So simply stay for a while, keep a low profile and try to relax.

Next is through being a longer time alone and online your senses may be up a few hundred per cent.
Try to realize that. You may connect to others via words and meanings there. Having then voices, or going out to people may feel like overload compared. Just try to relax, and sit there and get used to the situation. You will adapt eventually.
And don't adapt to much . You are you. Try to be nice but don't adapt too much. Thats all people can expect.

And you might try to do a few things in social situations.
Try to go out shopping from time to time, or similar places. Talk to the cashier. Just a few nice words exchanged.
Hi ... I see those are on rebate today ... etc ... just exchanging a few words.


hugs

[Midnightstar]

Severe social anxiety here too. I have to psych myself up for weeks to go shopping at new stores or to go to a doctor. Making phone calls to anyone other than my parents and in laws makes me anxious (even phoning people I've been friends with for over 25 years). I would never meet new people if it weren't for my husband or close friends because I'm too afraid to go it alone. I desperately want to check out a local trans group but know that I probably will never have the courage.

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

Yep, that's basically my life i used to even hide in bathrooms when i was still in school
My best friend or people i talk to one on one i can only do more then a couple people if they are around.
seems your experiences are very similar.

[Midnightstar]

There is a fight or flight response (the third is to talk ... its not included in all literature yet ).

You might try to get a handle on the flight response.
If you are in a social situation like that where there is no real threat don't bail out immediately.
Just sit there and listen and try to get comfortable with the situation.

Same for groups. Its possible to get in there and say a few words, the most necessary things.
Its not much.

Its neither necessary to make a great impression or whatever. Just sit there, listen and hear what people say.
You may get used to the situation over time.

So simply stay for a while, keep a low profile and try to relax.

Next is through being a longer time alone and online your senses may be up a few hundred per cent.
Try to realize that. You may connect to others via words and meanings there. Having then voices, or going out to people may feel like overload compared. Just try to relax, and sit there and get used to the situation. You will adapt eventually.
And don't adapt to much . You are you. Try to be nice but don't adapt too much. Thats all people can expect.

And you might try to do a few things in social situations.
Try to go out shopping from time to time, or similar places. Talk to the cashier. Just a few nice words exchanged.
Hi ... I see those are on rebate today ... etc ... just exchanging a few words.


hugs

Yea i have actually been getting better at that or was getting better at that but when i dropped out from trying to get my g.e.d again i become withdrawn and it started back up. But even then the only word that could come out of my mouth was "Hi" or "hey" and noting else. That or i get comfortable with someone and i talk to much.

[Midnightstar]

Yeah I've felt like this a LOT of times. I get more nervous on a group chat on a computer because I can't read people's body language or social cues (which I find difficult in real life but less so). Which is why i dont use the chat on this forum. I wouldn't feel embarrassed; I'm sure many trans people have done that some time in their life.

I went to a couple of local trans groups then stopped because I found it too difficult to talk to anyone. I only went to one recently because it was strictly nb; so found it a lot more comfortable being there. Although I did the embarrassing thing of walking into this foyer in a theatre where they met; seeing them then walking out again because I got too nervous. I had to walk around for 10 mins to calm down then went back in. I'm not sure if they noticed me walking out :/. But it's progress; in the past I would have just left. I think the effects from the T are making me more confident too.

So please don't beat yourself up. Most people you pass on the street have some form of social anxiety. Maybe simply focus on yourself and this forum for now; then try the chat again. What I've learned is you won't be successful socialising with a group the first time round. It takes multiple attempts; a few embarrassing moments and awkward conversations before you make progress.

Iv'e never actually met anyone as server as me to be honest
But i'm hoping even with that i can overcome it some day because having those feelings
suck and im sure you and others know that to.   

[Laura_7]

Yea i have actually been getting better at that or was getting better at that but when i dropped out from trying to get my g.e.d again i become withdrawn and it started back up. But even then the only word that could come out of my mouth was "Hi" or "hey" and noting else. That or i get comfortable with someone and i talk to much.

I'd say read it through what I wrote a few times ...

and try to remember to simply being calm ... not running away if its not a threatening situation...
but being there and remaining calm.
It will get better over time, and its normal for other people also to feel some kind of discomfort.
Just try to stay, be calm and say a few things. Don't talk too much ... just stay calm 
It will get better and better