Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!

[Jenny0713]

That's awesome Tasha!  Glad your sister-in-law was supportive.  I am thinking of inviting my sister over to my new apartment at some point and might tell her at that time.  We will see...  I have my endo appointment this Friday (for diabetes) and I plan on talking to them (usually multiple doctors/NP's) about it.

Jenny.

[Rachel_Christina]

Oh thats so great Tasha! That must be a load of your mind
Hopefully she keeps quiet about it though, so can come out at your own pace!
Well done!

[Tasha_]

It seems like she will, but if not, at least I don't have to do all the telling.... actually, she said she had been waiting for me to tell her for a while now and she hasn't told anyone, so... we'll see

[SarahElizabeth1981]

That's great Tasha but I'm curious about something. you say she was waiting for you to tell her so how did she know?? or should I ask what did she know?

It's pride week here this week and there was a parade yesterday to kick it off. I had planned on being in the parade but the weather was hot and sunny. I didn't really want to walk down the street in a wig, all done up, in the heat.    it was great though thousands of people and at least I dunno 30 floats.

i think i was, might have been, a dumb dumb though. So I'm standing there watching the parade and this girl touches my arm and says "do you have the time?" first thing that strikes me is her hand is ice cold. So I'm saying I don't know how your hand is that cold in this weather as I look over at her only I'm looking down towards her hands. I start to look up and get as far as her mouth before looking the other way at my purse. I take my phone out, tell her the time and.... that's it. looked back  up at the parade and never looked at her again. she said thank you and I presume walked away. so I gave it a little thought about why she asked me for the time and never came up with anything. thing is she would've had to walk past other people to get to me to ask me for the time. then last night i had a light bulb come on.

So, there was this girl that I liked and that wanted me to ask her out and she would touch my arm after we were done talking. well, she did it a few time anyway. long after that i was watching an episode of friends and there was a scene Chandler, i think, runs into a girl he used to know. she keeps touching his arm before saying how many times do I have to touch your arm before you ask me out? Now, I don't have a lot of experience with girls touching my arm but I know one girl that really wanted me to ask her out and she did it. I knew for more reasons then that and I eventually did and things... (Long story) but things between us turned very bad. Last I saw her she is getting married. But that's another story. now I'm not saying this girl wanted me to ask her out but maybe she was interested in meeting me... i never got a full look at her face so i don't even know what she looks like. Maybe she was a babe. Anyway, I'll never know now. it wouldn't be the first time that's happened to me.

[Rebecca]

Seems like you had a great day either way

Always more fun to be had so you never know Title Right could already be looking for you ♡

[Tasha_]

Because she had noticed my toes painted a few months back, and I wore a pair of ballet flats at the pool... and my wife has recently told me that there are things she notices now that she never did before that kind of made me seem girly in man mode....

[Tasha_]

That is crazy about the parade.... I am curious, why did you not pay her slightly more attention? Even just to acknowledge her... do you regret a possible missed opportunity?

[SarahElizabeth1981]

yeah the parade has come a long way. I've talked to people that were in the first parade(s) when it was just a handful of people and they walked for a block and there were NO spectators.

tasha, 'cause I was watching for my friends in the parade. when I got there I was close to where the parade started. I saw them go by and stayed there a little longer. Then I had the thought maybe I could catch up with them at the end so I walked to the end of the parade route. which is where i was standing when that girl asked me for the time. So they were going off in three different directions at the end and I didn't want to miss them. Which I had anyway but didn't know it at the time. I can get, shall we say, really focused when I'm doing something. to the point where I don't really process other things going on around me. it's not that I wouldn't have been interested in meeting her or someone. Actually a girl that's willing to approach me is just the kind of girl I'm looking for. So, yeah I regret not talking to her more. Just so i didn't have this question of "what did she really want?" But regret about girls is something I'm used to.

  In talking to my step mum she said one of the things my dad said was that he hoped it wasn't because I've had difficulties with women. in talking to my friend about it I said it was more likely that it was because I was trans that I've had difficulty with women. I pretty sure earlier on I made a comment about being obsessed with finding someone. My thought is that i was trying to find that feminine part of me in/with someone else.

  i still want to find the girl of my dreams to settle down with but I'm not obsessed about it the way I once was. Now I'm just obsessed about seeing women's hips and breasts, if they;re nice. "cause those are the thing i most want for myself.  take care

[Tasha_]

Lol... I agree.... the things I admire most about a woman's body are the things o want to have.... cause really, I find myself attracted to bigger girls, not huge, but bigger.... like my wife. I think she is sexy as hell, but I want to be skinnier and taller.... lol... funny thing life.... sorry about your missed opportunity... talk to you after work!!

[Jenny0713]

So Sarah, you might have said it earlier, but were you in female mode at the parade?  I know you mentioned not wanting to be in the hot weather with your wig, but I wasn't sure if you were in girl mode otherwise.  I think you mentioned you were full time but I'm not sure.  Keep looking.  They are out there.  Actually the one you will find is the one you were not looking for you.  She will find you! 

[Rachel_Christina]

Gah, I can't believe you didn't look back, its like one of those tv shows, we are all hear screaming look back!! Haha
No but seriously, I wouldn't think to much about it, sounds more like the time! If she was after you she would have made more of an attempt no?
Stuck around abit for you to look back?
I duno, and now we will never know D:

[SarahElizabeth1981]

yeah Jenny I believe the woman for me will find me when I'm not expecting it. You are also correct I'm always in girl mode these days. not always passable but still...

Christine I don't really know how much of an effort a women will make if she's interested. I imagine it varies between woman and also the circumstances.. ]

Just two more sleep till I see the endo...

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi girls so just got home from seeing the endocrinologist and I ended up on a middle ground between what I wanted and what I feared. So while I wasn't completely rejected from getting HRT she would only start me on spironolactone. I have my blood tests scheduled for monday morning and she said to call her office after that and she would call in the prescription.

her reason on not starting me on the estrogen is she is concerned about any other mental health issues, particularly depression. Unfortunately my psychologists referral didn't include enough information and none on any screening done to ensure that wasn't the case. In an earlier post i said that she (Psychologist) was told she couldn't do any more referrals and that seems to be the reason why. the endocrinologsit said she wants a psych eval from a psychiatrist, which I have been referred to. however it could be more then a year before i get in to see him. Hopefully Tamara (Psychologist) gets things straightened out so she can provide a letter to start estrogen before that.

the reason she will start me on Spiro is that the effects aren't permanent so if I decide to stop transitioning I can just stop and things will go back to the way they are. I know that's not going to happen though. I am not stopping!

As much as i'm feeling frustrated and disappointed it is at least progress and will reduce my testosterone levels.  With Less testosterone I should get more results from consuming foods that are known to have estrogenic effects. it may not be to the same extent as prescription estrogens but it's better then nothing.

How are you girls doing??

[Rebecca]

Good they at least got you on Spiro so still a step forward.

Shame about the rest though. Lists seriously suck with all that wasted time to even get to "Hello".

As for me things are going great. My pony seems to be suddenly getting bigger which is awesome. Replaced all my girlie tshirts with even girlier ones for work (closer shaped, V neck with fairy necklace and no jacket).

Gal pals at my aerobics now know my full name and loved my new black and pink gym gear.

Even changed name on my M&D's season ticket (amusement park) guy that did it even went so far as to find a pink pen to write my name on it ♡

Using ladies room exclusively now (random but given bathroom chatter stateside might as well throw it in)

Small things but I love them.
Struggling to think of anyone that hasn't been told lol

Kinda not done much work this week though as boss been off and I really had to shop but chance he could be back tomorrow so need pull some major mojo out of the hat so it looks like I've been working.

Wife continuing to increase her acceptance of my fashion and reduce her negative impulses.

Also might have a lead for privately done Orchi but can't afford to investigate it further yet....

So all going amazingly well at the moment.

Well except for one small trauma...... My first broken nail
The other 9 are lovely but number 10 will catch up in a few weeks.

[Jenny0713]

Sounds like you both are making progress. That's great. I'm not too surprised about the spiro only option. I have heard others end up doing the same at least until they have better numbers in your blood work. My question is without E, what changes if any will you expect?  What does lowering T do by itself. I have a feeling I might be in the same boat once I get started too. One of my girlfriends is getting hers through the VA and I might be doing the same. Glad to hear from you! Jenny.


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[Rachel_Christina]

Oh dear, you had epected it!
But I would worry too much the blocker is the most nesiceray oftwo to have I think!
The T is the one thing we want to be stopped!
I will likely have the same outcome... unfortuneatly.
But you are started now woop, you can go any further in the rong direction, that is what matter
And thats gpod too that the hair is growing out good and long Jerrica!
You are Scotland based?, find out more about that Orchie if you can, Is it done at your request under informed consent?
And cut the slacking, :/ I'v been slaving my ass off this past week at work
Withought T you would actually start noticing muscle loss and all that, but if you get your T to zero withought any hormone in your body you will feel pretty weak and not good, she will have you on E soon!
Don't worry about it, it has begun :3

[Rebecca]

From what little I could find you still need psych but they can do it without making you stop hormones which for me is majorly important. As you know my biggest fear is my supply being interrupted resulting in me being irreparably harmed so Orchi would lessen that fear considerably. That reminds me I better stock up as I want at least a 1 year buffer available (stops me worrying as much).

GRS still probably end of 2017 if very very lucky with lists etc but that's a total guess; got a feeling be even longer but only so long I'm prepared to wait on lists. Will wait until my GIC appointment in January 2017 to discuss whether I'm trans lol (Will have been on good hormone doses for a year before "Hello" so should be kinda funny) possible timescales. Can just see it "So Jerrica you want to be a man?" ;p

Saving up for Thailand and Suporn would be nice but money tight as I keep spending it lol

Imagine lists there too but might have a wee look at the section on the forum for it.

Still impossible dreams is what we do so who knows.

Hope y'all have a great Friday ♡

[amberwaves]

Hi girls,

Its been a while since I've posted anything, so just checking in and updating.  That being said, I do pop in most days to read updates.

I just got my letter from my therapist to start HRT on Thursday.  I have an appointment with the doctor on the 12 of July.  Looking to see if I can get my family doctor to prescribe the lab work so that it will be covered by my insurance.  Last thing I need is to pay lab work out of pocket addition to everything else.

My wife and I will have our third child sometime this coming week.  She is scheduled to be induced on Wednesday if she doesn't go into labor before then. So things will be rather busy here over the next few weeks.

I present how i wish to on most days. I'm out to most people who matter. Nobody particularly cares.  My friends are cool with it. My mom is accepting of it.  We still have to tell my wife's parents and my father. Her parents should be okay. My father is extremely unlikely to be. Ultimately it's my wife and my kids that i care about. The rest will be dealt with as necessary. I'm still not out at work. I will cross that bridge when I need to. I work in a restaurant and i know that as soon as I tell one person everyone will know. I recently talked with my boss about the potential of becoming a shift manager, but the conversation was informal and undocumented.  Despite the company having a policy of non-discrimination,  until there is some form of documentation about I would have no means of recourse right now should my general manager choose to deny me the promotion based upon my transgender status.  So work will have to wait until a more appropriate time.

Otherwise things are good here and life is chugging along.

[Rebecca]

Hey Amber glad to hear all going well and that you can basically live as you please which is what it's all about in the end.

Major gratz for starting HRT on Thursday must be like waiting for Christmas for you right now lol.

Defo good plan to get promotion on paper just in case.

I'm weaning myself off the net a bit as it's pretty quiet and life is just so busy. The world's kinda gone "Ok you're a girl now get back to work!!!" and I can so live with that lol

[Tasha_]

Lol... funny thing Jerrica, totally feel ya!!!

So, I wanted to tell Amber that that is wonderful, I am glad things are going so well. I tried the other day but apparently I didn't hit send... on another note, I went out, like to a bar, and got ladies night specials!!! Men let me into the gender neutral restroom first even though they had been waiting, and held doors for me. I was Soooo scared at first, but I went into an adult store that I feel safe in and the woman I know wasn't working, but I asked anyway.... if she knew of a trans friendly bar... the look of surprise on her face was freaking priceless!!!! She said she didn't know, and called another store, they didn't know either so we just went downtown and picked one. The man at the door smiled at me both before AND after seeing my ID, and the whole experience was phenomenal. Then apparently my wife heard the people at the table next to us talking horribly about trans people, not even knowing that I was!!! She called them bigots and made them all feel very small, and they still didn't even know... they apologized for offending us "ladies" and said they didn't really think negatively, they were just "poking fun". When my wife pointed out how hurtful it could be they looked like children... lol.... so, I have been exceptionally happy for two days now. I have been loving my art self so much, that I actually see a woman in the mirror even without makeup or a wig.

You girls don't even know how much you have helped me to get this far!! Thank you all for being here and being my friends!!!!

We miss you Amber, sorry I suck at email... I treat them like text messages....