Stuck in Patience

[gstorm1997]

I feel stuck, I've always been both handsome and pretty. I've always been athletic. I made a very good lesbian, and then I came out as transgender. My parents love me, they accept me for who I am, so long as I try my very best. "Be the best you can be, and nothing else matters." And for a long time I couldn't be my very best because I was sick. But I'm a freshmen in college now and I have a 4.00 GPA, now I can do my very best. At school my name isn't Geneva, it's G. I wear the same clothes as I do at home, but the only difference is, on campus, I'm he; I'm him, and I'm sir. I tell my parents this, and sometimes when I'm with them they introduce me as their son. I feel so ready, but nothing is moving, nothing is progressing, towards gender therapy, or testosterone; and I'm so tolerant. I am so patient. But I do not deserve this discomfort. I've been dysphoric since puberty, never really realized what transgender was. And then I discover, there's a way! A way, for me not to feel, wrong. Like I'm naked and every time I cover the nakedness I'm shamed. It makes me feel stuck. How do I not scream, mommy daddy help me I'm naked. I'm naked everywhere I go. it hurts. I don't want to be patient anymore, I want a solution. I'm in pain, and I communicate. But they don't seem to understand the urgency.

[Katiepie]

Good evening G,

Sometimes all you can do is baby steps, which is what you are doing at this time. Its good to see the support you need to actually get things going. I'm glad your parents are more than just support, and at school you can be 100% yourself.
If I may ask to see if you are still reliant on your parents for medical and/or financial support? If you are, you could try being a bit more assertive, maybe look up some therapists in your area, and see what that could turn up. If you ask, I'm sure they will help you out in which is required, all you need to do is a little research and then simply ask of you could make appointments in where you would like to go.
Getting it moving is what you need to get accomplished and then hopefully everything can fall into place. If not you will at least start moving in the general direction of where you would like to go.

Family members cannot really help us, unless we help ourselves, and in turn will then work its way to unravel this path that you have.

I'm still in a limbo to where I cannot get things going for therapist/hormones/etc since the military ban has not yet been lifted. But once that happens then I can start my path.

Kate <3

[Ms Grace]

So in your eyes, what is stopping you from starting therapy and T? Isolating the apparent cause can be the first step in resolving it.

[Cindy]

I see Ms Grace just posted something similar to what I was going to say.

I wanted to say that nothing happens in life unless you make it happen. You sound to be in a good place, accepting parents and friends. But sometimes we need to kick start stuff.

Have you seen a therapist or an advisor? Have you talked to your family doc?

What have you done to advance your dreams and needs?

[gstorm1997]

I see Ms Grace just posted something similar to what I was going to say.

I wanted to say that nothing happens in life unless you make it happen. You sound to be in a good place, accepting parents and friends. But sometimes we need to kick start stuff.

Have you seen a therapist or an advisor? Have you talked to your family doc?

What have you done to advance your dreams and needs?

I don't live with my parents, I live with my grandparents. But my parents pay for my tuition, and other living expenses. Because I suffered from previous mental illness, I am currently in therapy, which my parents are paying for. I'm 18 but I don't have a driver's license and therefore the freedom that comes with driving a car. I could schedule an appointment, but my parents who live in the city would be responsible for driving me back and forth. Because my grandparents are unaware of/ don't understand ->-bleeped-<-.
Though I do see myself making excuses for something I need so desperately. Just like I'm starting to have to fill out my own taxes, scheduling these appointments fall under my responsibility. Now more than ever because of this slow approach.