Question: Dealing with Harassment in Public and How to Handle it?

[WallabyWallop]

So at the moment I am still largely in the closet about being MtF transgender but I plan to come out in a year or so due to certain life events. What has concerned me since considering transition (and almost kept me from transitioning at all out of fear) is the idea of public harassment. I've been extremely blessed in that I've never had to endure odd looks or name calling (or worse) in public before so I'm not sure how I would handle it.

From everything I've heard and read, transgender people face a pretty significant amount of discrimination targeted towards them. What terrifies me is a scenario like this:


I'm dressed as a female and walking out on the street minding my own business and someone verbally harasses me or goes a step farther and throws something at me. In this scenario there are no police officers around.


What should I do? I plan to keep pepper spray on me for a worst-case scenario but I'm not sure how to handle a situation like this that isn't an emergency but could still be seen as assault to some degree 

[Dena]

Something I still have from my male upbringing is the male attitude that words won't hurt me and if they want to get physical, they might win be they are going to be leaving with a lot of damage. If put to the test, I will not fight fair. I will gouge, kick and hit with everything I have. As the result of wearing this attitude of belonging where I am, nobody has so much said a word against to me in 33 years.

On the other side, I have always been treated as if I am the same as anybody else and people are more than wiling to speak to me in a polite manor.

Yes, I am somewhat careful where I go and if I go some place new, I am very aware of my surroundings until I know there is no danger but if you use a little common sense and some attitude, there isn't anything to worry about.

[Cindi Jones]

Stay in public well lit areas to begin with and all you might hear are silly words from mindless people who you will never see again. Pretend to be a duck and let it roll off you.

But... once you get to that point you probably won't care anymore. You'll just be glad to be out. That's my two cents worth.

Cindi

[Ms Grace]

In the (almost) two years I've been living and presenting in public as female I have fortunately not received any harassment for being trans... the harassment I have received has to do with me being a woman in public (catcalls, unwanted advances, etc).

[Cindi Jones]

In the (almost) two years I've been living and presenting in public as female I have fortunately not received any harassment for being trans... the harassment I have received has to do with me being a woman in public (catcalls, unwanted advances, etc).

Because... you are cute. All to be expected.

[suzifrommd]

Two and a half years full time. Have done my share of going out non-passably, though now I pass most of the time.

Never had the least bit of harassment.

What you discuss could just as well happen to a cis person. They could  be harassed for being a good looking woman (or any sort of woman) or elderly or someone could be after their purse. Pretty much everyone who isn't trained to be a lethal weapon is a sitting duck.

For me, it's just part of being human. I'm in decent shape so I know I could take to my feet, but some day that will no longer be true. On the other hand, we could be perfectly safe from harassment and drop dead any minute of an undiagnosed aneurysm.  There just are no guarantees when you're human.

I try to avoid being out alone at night or in areas I don't deem safe. That's the best I can do.

[Tristyn]

In the (almost) two years I've been living and presenting in public as female I have fortunately not received any harassment for being trans... the harassment I have received has to do with me being a woman in public (catcalls, unwanted advances, etc).

That's the point I wanted to make in a thread I just made today about me being afraid to live as female.

I think transwomen have it 10x harder than transmen. Especially black transwomen. My heart goes out to ya'll!

[Amy1988]

Stay away from places where low income uneducated people tend to gather.  Those are the types who are most likely to cause you problems because they aren't generally very sophisticated and don't have much going for them in life. 

[AnxietyDisord3r]

My wife and I got harassed by frat boys. They are supposedly getting an excellent education. If they ever sober up and show up to class. And they are far from low income. Sometimes the bad and the ugly prosper in life.

[arice]

Stay away from places where low income uneducated people tend to gather.  Those are the types who are most likely to cause you problems because they aren't generally very sophisticated and don't have much going for them in life.

That might be true in some places and some cases but it certainly is not a general rule. I can say that in my life with a female body (I only rarely pass as a man), I have been harassed far more by middle class and wealthier folks than by the poor. I have lived in a low income neighborhood for the past decade and can count on one hand the number of times I've been harassed in it... most people are too busy trying to get through their own problems to harass anybody else. I can't say the same in the higher income areas I've lived in and visited where street harassment of women was relatively common.

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[Eva Marie]

I've been full time since September of 2014. Other than the occasional questioning look and the normal harassment that females get I have never had anything said to me, even when I was in a decidedly red state visiting a family member a year after I went full time.

Situational awareness, staying out of sketchy places, getting off the street at a reasonable hour, avoiding excessive drinking, and being with a group of other women when you are out and about is important for your safety just as it is for any other woman.

If you find yourself getting harassed it is usually better to try to ignore it and walk away. If you find yourself cornered with no way to escape then methods of self defense are an option. For that reason I carry a small taser in my purse which is legal to possess where I live. When walking to your car it is a good practice to carry your keys gripped tightly in your fist with one key sticking out between your fingers to use as a weapon.

I have very little strength these days and I can easily be overpowered by an attacker so if it gets to that point i'm probably toast - I'll have to fight dirty to have any chance of walking away. Don't be afraid to stick fingers in someones eye, scratch, bite, stomp on an attacker's foot with your heels, or even grab a guy's balls with a vice grip if you have to. Either you win or the attacker does and I know which way I want that to go.

[Soli]

Stay away from places where low income uneducated people tend to gather.  Those are the types who are most likely to cause you problems because they aren't generally very sophisticated and don't have much going for them in life. 

That might be true in some places and some cases but it certainly is not a general rule. I can say that in my life with a female body (I only rarely pass as a man), I have been harassed far more by middle class and wealthier folks than by the poor. I have lived in a low income neighborhood for the past decade and can count on one hand the number of times I've been harassed in it... most people are too busy trying to get through their own problems to harass anybody else. I can't say the same in the higher income areas I've lived in and visited where street harassment of women was relatively common.

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yeah so untrue, I go much more unnoticed with my androgynous looks in the poorer and working class neighborhoods where how you look is not very important. In middle class districts, I really get the eyes... But uhhh, I find that the more I switch to feminine looks and way of moving, since starting HRT, the more confidence I have in myself, and the less I notice people giving me the eye, and if I do, I don't feel anymore like an old barn about to collapse but like a stone building with foundations (in construction) when I return the look with a (discret) smile

[BirlPower]

I know this thread is a bit old but the OP's question really resonates with me. I'm in the UK and I don't really fear physical assault, though it could happen, what seems much more likely is verbal abuse or taunting. I imagine the following scenario.

I'm walking down the street feeling a million dollars in a favourite frock. Some neanderthall shouts from across the street calling "There's a bloke in a dress!, hey look everyone! A >-bleeped-<! hahaha!"

I know I would crumble into dust at this. Here that would be a hate crime and the guy could get in serious trouble for doing that but the chances of me even reporting it would be about zero. I would run as fast as I could to a dark hole and never come out again.

The general advice on this is all great, baby steps, be in company, stick to the more accepting neighborhoods, and it gets easier the more you do it. But... taking that first step is absolutely terrifying to those of us who have no-one to hold our hands at the beginning. It would be terrifying to me even with support.

I have nothing but admiration and respect for the people who have overcome this, especially if they did it alone. For me, just thinking about taking that first step, alone, in public, makes my blood run cold with fear and I feel a little sick.

I've read a few threads on handling this sort of thing and I know what we "should" do. When I imagine the reality of it, I know I couldn't cope.

I know this doesn't really add to the discussion other than to perhaps illustrate that we as a group might be more visible if all the people like me didn't fear being ourselves in public.

[Newfie]

I'm fairly new to being out to my family, friends, and co-workers, but I'll tell you what really helps me. Find a few friends, in my case some very girly co-workers, to run ideas about fashion by. The support you feel when they compliment your outfits and help with make-up goes a long way to negating any negative comments you receive.