Baby Steps for RLE - Minneapolis / St. Paul

[Loved_PrincessMPLS]

What would be some baby steps I could take to go about my daily life without actually coming out full femme, yet at the same time, still expressing myself as transgender and becoming more comfortable with the idea of going full time?

As I expressed on another post, I was given some "homework" by my gender therapist. It was to develop a scale of zero to 10 and rate a particular RLE on the scale, according to comfort level, where zero is super comfortable and ten is super uncomfortable.

For example, I could wear women's shorts and a woman's t-shirt and walk around the lake in my neighborhood, or I could go all-out full femme. But that's where I'm confused: What's a good, comfortable starting point?

Any ideas or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

[Randi]

It's not all about clothes, and it's not all stuff that others can see.

Here are a few things I suggest.

Let your fingernails grow and maintain them very well.  You don't need polish.  I dig my fingernails into a soft bar of Dove soap and then clean them out with a fingernail file. It looks like "French nails".

Wear men's underwear without a fly, or women's panties.

Trim, pluck and shape your eyebrows.  Make the change gradual.

If you wear tennis shoes, get a pair of women's shoes.  I like the Nike Pegasus.  I wear men's size 10 so a women's size 12 works well.  No one but me knows they are women's shoes, but it matters to me.

Polo shirts are unisex and are the work uniform for many.  The buttons may be different, but most people won't notice.

Likewise you can find some khaki shorts that are neither very short or come below the knee.

Of course your legs should be hairless.

The whole idea here is to make the changes gradual. There's some "plausible deniability" here, which can make the transition easier.

Best Wishes,

Randi

[Loved_PrincessMPLS]

Randi,

Thanks for your ideas. I actually worked on some of them today, because in all honesty, you're correct: Not every change we make needs to be seen by the world to be recognized as an important step in our transition.

Thanks for the wise words, fellow traveler 

Love,

Princess

[Claire_Sydney]

Hehe. I was doing every one of those things before I even decided to see a gender therapist or transition - except for women's underwear.

I am pretty much full time outside of work, and I will be full time at work by early September... And I still get uncomfortable about wearing women's underwear ! I don't know why.

Here are some ideas (Note that some of these are a bit stereotypical. That's the nature of social experimentation).

I spent months walking around work with polished toenails inside my shoes. The only risk is if you break an ankle and need first aid. It never happened to me. It's also a fun one because it requires the initial courage to get a pedicure (unless you do it yourself which is cheating).

Take a yoga class. A small number of boys do yoga.

Then take an adult ballet class or barre fitness class. Very few men do recreational ballet. Please do wear shorts and a t-shirt though.

Tick the female box on a few inconsequential administrative forms or use a female name. See what happens. Brush it off as a mistake if necessary.

I did a women's fitness instructor training course which helped enormously. For months I was the only boy (?) in the room.

Clean your bathroom properly. Explore some different scents in the house. Learn to cook something new.

Use women's deodorant. I do this at work and I seem to be the only one who knows, perhaps because of hormonal elevated olfactory senses?

Call out tacit misogyny EVERY TIME you see it. I think this will be much harder to do once you have transitioned.

Stay away from applying makeup until you have a high level of confidence. What looks imperceptible in the mirror can be very obvious up close. Wander into a big cosmetics shop. No need to buy anything just browse around, then leave. When you are ready, book in for a 1-hour lesson.

Find an excuse to hug a male friend or relative every now and again.

Smile! Women smile. A lot.

Play with vocal pitch a little bit. I find it difficult to get right, but it feels good when I do.

Be better emotionally connected with your friends (maybe you are already?)

Do some babysitting or child minding for trusted family or friends. Learn to change a nappy.

Learn to sit with your legs together or crossed at the knee. You will need it.

Get a facial. Lots of places do men's facials.

Eventually you will need to interact with people as a woman, try on clothes, and adjust to how conversation dynamics differ for women. It all takes time.

The social experiments do get harder as you get more comfortable. I promised my gender therapist that I would try on a wedding dress this week.

Good luck and have fun with it !!!

[RobynD]

Great suggestions. Gradual feminization was part of my life for decades. Here are some additional ones:

Take a women's studies class or read some books on the same subject.

In addition to Yoga, there are also crossfit and instructor led fitness classes that are 80%+ women

Ditto for dance classes if you are into that.

Manicures and pedicures

Get a more feminine case for your phone and put a more feminine wallpaper on it

Rock out to girl bands and women artists

Work on walking feminine

If your hair is able to be grown out, do it and adopt a sort of unisex cut like a bob or a pixie, that can be easily made masculine with gel, creams etc.

Women's slightly v-necked T-shirts (as opposed to the deeper V ones) often look very unisex. Duluth trading, lands end, etc have these.

Many women's jeans are pretty stealthy and men's jeans are getting more feminine in many instances

Men's t-shirts (again i think v-neck is more femme) are increasingly coming in more feminine colors such as lilac, coral, pink, baby blue etc.

Fairly unisex shoes like converses can be purchased again in more feminine colors.

Experiment with a simple corded bracelet or a watch with a thinner band. Wear more rings than you normally would.

Those are some thoughts (i know some of them approach the stereotypical and i am sensitive to that but we also need to express ourselves )

Hugs...Robyn

[chris.deee]

All great suggestions.

Here are a few more.

Start hair removal now. Waxing, shaving, laser, electrolysis. Whatever. It's a long process so might as well start now. 

Start taking care of your skin.  Neutrogena is happy to take your money - some of their stuff actually works.

Start working towards your target weight if you aren't there already.

Consider wearing hosiery under your long pants. When I need a boost, this always works.