HRT test run?

[Shakashiri]

So this is my first post here. After hours of reading and research, I've decided to order my first round of hormones. My plan is to take blockers and estridol for no longer than 2 months as a test run... I want to avoid noticeable physical changes as I am still closeted and presenting as a male. My mother and sister are pretty flat chested and I'm thin so I shouldn't have much breast growth. I'm wondering if this will have an impact on testicals/genitals? I want to avoid any shrinkage. Has anybody ever such a thing? Going on hrt for a short period then coming off to re-evaluate? Any input would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. We frown on self medication for a couple of reasons. The first is you can have liver damage or blood clots if you are not properly monitored by a doctor. The second problem is that HRT needs to be adjusted to your biology. There are a number of "standard dosages" that I suspect you have found but without knowing your testosterone and estrogen levels while you are on the medication, you will not know if the treatment is effective. There about 5 different ways to administer estrogen and people often find one is more effective than another. Informed consent will give you access to the medical follow up you need and you may find medication far cheaper from a place like Walmart than off the internet. I just filled my prescription for a 6 month supply at half a transition dosage for $20. It may take a couple of months under medical treatment to get your dosages right though often they are pretty close on the first try.

As far as shrinkage, when you discontinue HRT, things should return to normal given some time.

As for leaving HRT, any dysphoria that you had before treatment will return. Several member have been on and off HRT under medical supervision and they report that every time they leave HRT the dysphoria returns.

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[AnonyMs]

You could just try the estrogen without the blockers, as its the bit that really makes you feel good.

[Shakashiri]

Thank you Dena. I fully agree that self medication isn't ideal. As I'm unable to come out at this point in time I have to give this a try. When it's time to go full time it will be under medical supervision.

[Shakashiri]

You could just try the estrogen without the blockers, as its the bit that really makes you feel good.

I'm thinking I wouldn't get the full benefit of the estrogen without the blockers? I could be wrong...

[Dena]

Without the blockers, your testosterone levels may not be sufficiently suppressed. Without the correct blocker dosage, it may still not be suppressed. AnonyMs is using an implants and another ways to suppress testosterone so she doesn't have an issue with it. In my case, I have been post surgical for 33 years and needless to say, testosterone isn't an issue for me. That's also why I didn't discuss blockers in my treatment as I never used them. On estrogen alone which was the way we did it, my dysphoria wasn't suppressed at a transition dosage, keeping the pressure on for me to transition. Others had better luck with estrogen alone but as they didn't test levels in those days, it was hit or miss.

[AnonyMs]

Without the blockers, your testosterone levels may not be sufficiently suppressed. Without the correct blocker dosage, it may still not be suppressed.

True, but isn't the idea to do a test run without any physical effects?

I do use blockers with the implants, though come to think of it I never tried without. Perhaps they are not necessary.

[Rachel]

I do not know where you are but in Philadelphia the Mazzoni Center has walk-ins on Wednesday evenings for those under 24.

If you take a transition dose from the start it may cause issues. Taking too much can cause issues. Having health complications including mental health conditions may cause issues.

I am not judging you, just providing feedback.

If you take spiro drink a lot of water and eat salty foods. Monitor your blood pressure. 

[Megan.]

I'm about to do exactly the same thing, try E for 2-3 months on low dose to help me make a final decision on transition. I'm in the UK, but using a private GP service so it's all safe and monitored.

[WendyA]

Thank you Dena. I fully agree that self medication isn't ideal. As I'm unable to come out at this point in time I have to give this a try. When it's time to go full time it will be under medical supervision.

Just my 2 cents. I'm presenting as male and don't intend to change that, but when I decided to take HRT I chose to be medically supervised.  Not coming out and being medically supervised are not mutually exclusive.   If you are in the USA and live in an area where there are clinics or doctors which will work off of the informed consent model then it is easy to use an informed consent facility and be medically supervised.

[Ashley3]

Saturday, May 28, 2016 9:56 PM

... I've decided to order my first round of hormones. My plan is to take blockers and estridol for no longer than 2 months as a test run... I want to avoid noticeable physical changes as I am still closeted and presenting as a male. ...  Has anybody ever such a thing? Going on hrt for a short period then coming off to re-evaluate? Any input would be appreciated. Thank you. ...

Yes, I did with herbals in the 1990s... while that experience did not involve prescription hormones, it's somewhat similar to your situation in that I wanted enough changes such that I could calibrate when to stop, control things, because I was afraid of showing. I was naïve about what herbals could achieve. Likely that would not have happened had I sought a gender therapist, but I thought then that I'd never work again if such were found out. Silly, but not an uncommon fear then...

Anyway, I pounded herbals which had some minor effect, but I stopped because I'd read about the liver issues midstream this experiment of mine. I got to a point where I purged clothes et al, and was sort of "done with it" until, of course, it came back up.

Fast-forward to 2012 and I was revisiting things yet again (after many times since the 1990s), and by 2014 I was back to hair removal and herbals and went to gender therapy, got approved for the real deal through therapy, but also ultimately went down the informed consent path because it let me control the process responsibly and in a particular personal manner with an excellent physician.

When I look back on herbals and self-medication attempts, it was all sort of a game with repression. I wanted to feminize and needed to come out, but couldn't see that possibility so was stuck in a world of trying to do "hormones" while also not doing them (i.e., a little gain without anything showing per what you mention). 

Therapy provided that first step. Now you're talking about doing the real deal on your own. I highly recommend you reconsider... there are so many community organizations in metropolitan areas which can lead you to the right medical help, perhaps even a GP supporting informed consent, but at least help you in a non-IC format... non-IC is not bad if you don't have to deal with silly forms of gate-keeping.

Hormones are serious business and working with informed consent or otherwise with a skilled trans-physician is, actually, a real joy... it's a great experience to be considering the issues with someone who cares, monitors levels, etc. With a responsible trans-friendly physician, you can safely do the following...

• Truly go over all the risks. This is good to do even if you think you know everything.
• Monitor levels from start throughout the whole process. This is critical! I think this is the biggest thing... to have a doctor taking blood every few weeks/months when starting to help you get those precise levels. In my first 6 months, I adjust patch levels, blocker levels, switched to deep sub injections in Nov 2015, etc. Oh, my doc knew that patches/injections went more directly into my system, bypassing I think the liver, so they're easier on my system... I would not have known that. I'm older so that may not be important for you, but other things may be. Your doc can tell you. For me, while I tried, it thankfully was not "grab a bottle, take pills"... I'd likely have been haphazard and have messed up. it involved a slow process to see what worked right with my particular makeup. Each person has his/her own journey here. 
• Discuss cryo... are you sure you never want to have children using your own fertility? (You didn't mention anything about that... and yes, technically speaking, no consumer of blockers/hormones is guaranteed to ever be fertile after any dosage despite what stats tend to show... and beyond that, there are open questions scientifically about whether it's even wise for a genetic male to directly conceive after having had any cross-sex hormone treatment.... because hormones may cause permanent changes to sperm quality.) Even if you think you're sure now, you probably want to seriously consider preserving via cryo.
• Clots, thrombosis, are a risk with E... if something happens and your parents don't know, that could be dangerous... if your parents did not know, but you had a doctor that knew, and that doc was known medical contact (i.e., some card or something your purse, or a friend who might know or someone else in the family) in an emergency there would be contextual info to help.

All that said, I'm being a little hypocritical because in 2014, before getting an IC GP and going into therapy, I sought my own hormones online but never clicked Buy to purchase... I was lurking the sites but I could not get myself to do it because I was too worried about what I'd get, what would happen... I wanted a physician who knew. So I've sort of been in your shoes, can understand, but also went a different direction (hormone pounding aside). So I realize it's tough when you have the drive to feminize... but I figured I'd offer two cents. It sounds like you may not have looked into community LGBT resources which can help offer help in this area... if not, you might consider doing so.

...My mother and sister are pretty flat chested and I'm thin so I shouldn't have much breast growth. ...

I'm not an expert on genetics but I'm not sure if it always works out that way. I think you find out when you try.

... I'm wondering if this will have an impact on testicals/genitals? I want to avoid any shrinkage.

Your doctor can answer that. ... Yes, I'm not a doctor, but I'm fairly sure any blocker, at the very least, will affect testicles, perhaps permanently... regarding E, I'm not sure. I've heardn the same as what others have mentioned, that E is largely overridden by T unless blockers are used. I've heard E alone is relatively ineffective but I don't know firsthand.

So I can sometimes be preachy so forgive if the above sounds like too much you've already heard but it's my two cents. You have one life and body so sometimes a little patience and finding the best way for your own needs is worth it. Regardless of my words above... be safe and best of luck with your journey!