Names + Passing with Long hair

[elinor]

I recently came out as trans (FtM) to my parents and have yet to decide on a name? And I know that ultimately it's up to me, but I also think it's helpful to get others opinions as well?

So far I'm thinking: Remus, Alexander, Lucas, Felix or Roman. The first picture is of me, if that helps!


And about hair... I really want to grow my hair out like the second two photos. A medium-ish length? But, I'm not sure if it'll make me look too feminine/will prevent me from passing. I really like these two haircuts, but I'm not sure if they would work in my favor - because i actually have a roundish face despite the picture oops. Any tips? (Also, I'm sorry the pictures are so large, oops)

[FtMitch]

I don't think they would help you pass (especially the second one), but if you like them then go for it.  It just will probably make it quite a bit tougher to pass.  As for names, I would not go with Remus because it just makes me think Lupin and people will likely think it's a nickname or online name instead of your real name.  I like Alexander and Roman a lot.  Felix sounds like a 1940s cartoon character to me for some reason....

[Elis]

If you really like long hair; then go for it. As long as you're happy with how you look that's what really matters. I think you in the second pic look best on you. Before I cut my hair short I had something similar to this https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=medium+haircuts&client=ms-android-orange-gb&source=lnms&prmd=isvn&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi09taElPPMAhUHI8AKHb6DAEgQ_AUIBygB&biw=360&bih=615#tbm=isch&q=medium+haircuts+men&imgrc=mGKxRHX1xBqZyM%3A which I think made me look more 'mature'. You could also check out http://www.fashionbeans.com/ to get ideas for longer mens hairstyles.

As for names Remus makes me think of Lupin; so not such a good choice . I think Roman is a bit too unusual; I haven't heard of anyone go by that name before. I think you're cute enough to be called Felix (although many people may joke with you that it's a 'cats' name). And I've always liked the name Alexander; plus it's quite common so a good choice if you don't want to stand out. I think with names it has to suit your personality. Are you more feminine; more masculine or slightly andrognous (Alexander fits very well for the latter because is considered acceptable for men and women). You're not going to come across one that feels 100% 'right' but you'll grow to like it even more. As you're still younger you also have to consider you're going to be having this name for life. What you like now you may not like when you're an old age pensioner .

Just my 2 cents.

[Peep]

If you're really worried about names sounding unusual, you can look up most popular baby names by year and country, and see how they rate for the year you were born. But it's your name, you're the one that has to hear it every day, so it's ultimately going to have to be the one you like best!

[elinor]

Elis - Just out of curiosity, why is being reminded of Lupin a bad thing? Is it because like Mitch said about it sounding like a nickname?

I do really like the name Alex, but I feel like it's a very very common transguy name, as well as being gender neutral, and I'm not sure what I think about that? In my head I feel like I will encounter a name and immediately be like "That's the one!!" Obviously, though, it's going to take longer than that.

[Alexthecat]

Elis - Just out of curiosity, why is being reminded of Lupin a bad thing? Is it because like Mitch said about it sounding like a nickname?

I do really like the name Alex, but I feel like it's a very very common transguy name, as well as being gender neutral, and I'm not sure what I think about that? In my head I feel like I will encounter a name and immediately be like "That's the one!!" Obviously, though, it's going to take longer than that.

I picked Alex just because it was neutral and the name of my dead cat but also there were several boys in my grade level with the name so it is not out of place with my age.

[Elis]

Elis - Just out of curiosity, why is being reminded of Lupin a bad thing? Is it because like Mitch said about it sounding like a nickname?

I do really like the name Alex, but I feel like it's a very very common transguy name, as well as being gender neutral, and I'm not sure what I think about that? In my head I feel like I will encounter a name and immediately be like "That's the one!!" Obviously, though, it's going to take longer than that.

It makes me think of Remus Lupin who's a character in Harry Potter; so it kind of makes the name Remus less valid now. Plus I'm sure you'll get a lot of people making jokes because of your name because of this reason.

Yeah; agree with Alexander being too common. For me I wanted something more unique because I strongly disliked how common my birth name was. But if you feel more comfortable having an androgynous name then go for it. For me I just found a name I randomly found and liked and stuck with it. Otherwise I'd have to go through 1000 + possible names and no way do I have time for that . Plus I like how it's the perfect in between of not too fem or masculine which suits me.

Btw, have you reached a hairstyle decision?

[cindianna_jones]

I like Lucas. I don't know anyone with that name. It's cool. I also like the third haircut. I think you could pull that off just fine.

[FtMitch]

I really like common names.  I hate "unique" names.  I was a teacher and some of the weird names the kids had made me grimace.  Especially ones that sounded super hipster.  But I think it's a personal thing--some people like unique names, other people just want to sound normal.  Personally I think people are more likely to pass if they have a normal name because parents don't usually give their kids names like Remus unless they are young parents.

[Elis]

I really like common names.  I hate "unique" names.  I was a teacher and some of the weird names the kids had made me grimace.  Especially ones that sounded super hipster.  But I think it's a personal thing--some people like unique names, other people just want to sound normal.  Personally I think people are more likely to pass if they have a normal name because parents don't usually give their kids names like Remus unless they are young parents.

Yeah this is one of my pet peeves. It seems to be a trend now to make up a name; with the result usually sounding ridiculous and the child growing up to be ridiculed. I don't like common names because I don't like being in a social situation where several people have the same name as I do; which is what happened when I still was known by my birth name. It's definitely a struggle to come up with something unique but not too unique when finding a name for yourself.

[elinor]

It makes me think of Remus Lupin who's a character in Harry Potter; so it kind of makes the name Remus less valid now.

I dunno if that makes the name less valid to me, to be honest! I think if you connect with a character or just enjoy the name, then that's cool and good for you, ya know? If someone chooses a name because it's based off a character that shouldn't make it less valid for them. I do get where you're coming from though! 

Personally I think people are more likely to pass if they have a normal name because parents don't usually give their kids names like Remus unless they are young parents.

That's definitely true, not something I had thought about... (I do look pretty young though ) Right now I'm leaning towards Alex, Lucas or Nathaniel (Nate)! I want to be careful about choosing a name and telling my parents to call me by that, because I don't want to make it any harder on them by changing it a third time?

And nope, haven't decided on a haircut yet! I don't want to go and chop it all off just to have to regrow it, but at the same time I do just wanna chop it off 

[Devlyn]

I grew up in a different day, so this is probably less important now than it was then. In my time, guys had long hair, too. They also received a constant barrage of "Get a haircut, you look like a girl." Since your goal is passing as male, you need to remember that long hair leads people down the path of thinking you're female. People see what they see, and no amount of wanting on your end will change that. It shouldn't matter to you what others think, but you're indicating that it does matter to you, so your best bet is to be the most convincing dude you can be.

Hugs, Devlyn

[elinor]

I grew up in a different day, so this is probably less important now than it was then. In my time, guys had long hair, too. They also received a constant barrage of "Get a haircut, you look like a girl." Since your goal is passing as male, you need to remember that long hair leads people down the path of thinking you're female. People see what they see, and no amount of wanting on your end will change that. It shouldn't matter to you what others think, but you're indicating that it does matter to you, so your best bet is to be the most convincing dude you can be.

I wish it didn't matter as much! I wish I could just say "to heck with it" and and do what made me happy. But, I'm not sure I can unfortunately. Because I'm a boy and I want others to see me that way too!! Thank you though, I'm definitely going to try to work on making myself happy and not please others as much in the future 

[Sebby Michelango]

I recommend you strongly to keep your hair short. Growing your hair long would make it much harder to pass. I think you should wait with growing out your hair until you would start T, if passing are important for you. Alexander sounds like a nice name by the way.

[ghoulified g]

I think you should wait with growing out your hair until you would start T, if passing are important for you.

Seconding this; it's what I want to do- though I'd have to wait a couple of years to be able to grow my hair out again xD

[elinor]

Definitely gonna go short! I have more time to grow it in the future anyways Thanks so much for all the advice!! Especially cutting hair myself - definitely going to get a clipper soon!

A sortof unrelated question - Is it possible to take T and apear more androgynous - like more on the masculine side but not toooo masculine? I've heard about smaller doses doing this, but I also don't want it  to take forever!

[Elis]

Definitely gonna go short! I have more time to grow it in the future anyways Thanks so much for all the advice!! Especially cutting hair myself - definitely going to get a clipper soon!

A sortof unrelated question - Is it possible to take T and apear more androgynous - like more on the masculine side but not toooo masculine? I've heard about smaller doses doing this, but I also don't want it  to take forever!

Glad to hear you've reached a desicion; you're going to be very happy how much easier it is having short hair .

As for the T question I've heard of guys taking T to appear more androgynous but I don't get how that'll work. Even on a small dose T is a very strong hormone and you can't predict what effects it'll do to your body. Maybe if you were very androgynous to start with and know men in your family who look a bit androgynous it would work. So I would only take T if you're prepared for the changes you don't want as well as the changes you do.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

There's a blog called Neutrois Nonsense about taking low-dose T for a limited period of time to induce limited masculinization.

Just want to pipe up that I've known some Romans and I live in the US but I'm not sure they weren't immigrants as I think that name is more popular in Central Europe than in North America.

[Katiebelle]

Deciding on a name can take some time, hun. But I like Felix for you. Whatever you decide on will suit you. that's the way it goes

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[haeden]

That style would look nice on you based on the picture you gave. I think Roman fits you too based off that picture. Roman is a nice name too. I find picking a name can be hard (I hate trying to pick names for pets so how could I possibly pick my own name?!) so definitely take some time with it but I really do love the name Roman for you

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