Not looking forward to my birthday?

[Hunchdebunch]

I wasn't sure whether to put this in 'AARGH' but then I realised I would possibly find discussion helpful rather than just venting.

So for the past 3 or 4 years, I've not looked forward to my birthdays, an they've pretty much just been another normal day for me. To be honest, I actually get quite depressed around my birthday each year. I'm going to be completely honest here; I never thought I'd reach 20 years old, let alone 24 (which I'll be on the 28th). I never really planned to be here, if that makes sense. So it feels confusing that I am still here, and I feel quite lost with no real purpose. I know that I'm still young and could find purpose, but that seems beyond me right now.

The other thing is that my housemates have both recently had birthdays, and they've both had themed birthday parties, which seems like a fun thing to do, and I feel maybe I could do that too. However, I've not really had a birthday party in years, I can't even remember the last time. And I have a lot of anxiety about events, especially if I have to host them. So I think I might like a party, but I'm too frightened and nervous. Not to mention I can't even think of anything to do as a theme, as soon as I try it's like I forget what I even like.

And finally, I am slightly nervous about my birthday because of my gender, this year. Last year I was barely out to anyone and so it didn't bother me so much somehow. But this year I've been more open with myself an others about my gender, but there are still some people who don't know, and some people who I think might forget. In particular, I'm scared I'll receive cards that say 'granddaughter' or 'niece' etc, on them. Last year I could handle that, this year, I'm really not confident that I can.

I don't know, I guess I just wish I could look at my birthday as a positive thing, rather than a neutral thing with high possibility of becoming negative. So far, the only positive I can find is 'Hey, you'll have made it to 24, that's quite a few years longer than you originally expected!'.

[Ms Grace]

I recently had my birthday and it was one of those significant ones where people expect you to do something for it. Like you I get stressed about having to think about organising something. So I didn't. Just did what I wanted which was to catch up with people that I really wanted to spend time with a dinner or lunch at a time. No single big party, lots of small get together so. And it was great. Don't feel pressure to do what others do, please yourself it's your birthday to do with as you want.

[cheryl reeves]

It's been over 30 yrs since I had a birthday party. Over the last 28yrs its been a birthday cake made by my sister n law,my wife or my son. We really have no one to invite so we keep it in house.

[Midnightstar]

I wasn't sure whether to put this in 'AARGH' but then I realised I would possibly find discussion helpful rather than just venting.

So for the past 3 or 4 years, I've not looked forward to my birthdays, an they've pretty much just been another normal day for me. To be honest, I actually get quite depressed around my birthday each year. I'm going to be completely honest here; I never thought I'd reach 20 years old, let alone 24 (which I'll be on the 28th). I never really planned to be here, if that makes sense. So it feels confusing that I am still here, and I feel quite lost with no real purpose. I know that I'm still young and could find purpose, but that seems beyond me right now.

The other thing is that my housemates have both recently had birthdays, and they've both had themed birthday parties, which seems like a fun thing to do, and I feel maybe I could do that too. However, I've not really had a birthday party in years, I can't even remember the last time. And I have a lot of anxiety about events, especially if I have to host them. So I think I might like a party, but I'm too frightened and nervous. Not to mention I can't even think of anything to do as a theme, as soon as I try it's like I forget what I even like.

And finally, I am slightly nervous about my birthday because of my gender, this year. Last year I was barely out to anyone and so it didn't bother me so much somehow. But this year I've been more open with myself an others about my gender, but there are still some people who don't know, and some people who I think might forget. In particular, I'm scared I'll receive cards that say 'granddaughter' or 'niece' etc, on them. Last year I could handle that, this year, I'm really not confident that I can.

I don't know, I guess I just wish I could look at my birthday as a positive thing, rather than a neutral thing with high possibility of becoming negative. So far, the only positive I can find is 'Hey, you'll have made it to 24, that's quite a few years longer than you originally expected!'.

Sometimes when i'm down or thinking in the negative i go for a walk outside and think of the beauty in nature
or the little things i really enjoy. You know iv'e never liked my birthday either i doubt over time many people like them, but look up not down because you can always make a birthday positive. For one you're alive and you made it
and for another you're a wonderful human being. I know life is hard sometimes and i know not thinking negative can also be harder said then done. And about the Missgendering or fears you're having if you see something that happens to make you upset just remember things get better think of what makes you happy. I'm probably not the best advice giver but i wish you luck.