Post Op Update.... Oh ->-bleeped-<-...I'm a woman!

[Keri]

Wow,
Just over three months since GRS. All is good.. Dilating is perfect... happy camper with results.

Anyway, there came a day and I was like OMG.. I did it.  I thought about that and my emotions ended with a big thud. 
Boom, so your forever a woman now...
I have had some ups and downs mentally.  I am mostly up now.  Post Op depression is real and its normal.. I don't regret the surgery at all.. In fact I don't think much about it at all.
I just have a vagina now.  It feels normal.  Like its always been there.

So, as excited as I should be, I still have all the problems I had before transition.  Bills to pay, work... having to figure out how to stay afloat.

In addition to that, if I change careers now I am a woman.. What do I do for a living.
And relationships, whats next.. I hate being alone.
I am very social.
So, am I happier... I think so.  At least I am alive.  I lost so much in transition so I do have remorse for my losses.
But I do weep at times over the loss of a spouse. I hate having an empty house.

So, in a way, I weep over the loss of who I pretended to be.  And then I have joy over being normal.

It really brings home the saying, no pain no gain.

Dating?  That is weird... guys are so attracted to me and they might have sex with me but most would be afraid to let anyone know they date a trans girl.

I think I need to move to another state... somewhere where I can have fun and start over.. Like CA..
Then I leave all my friends.. and family.

So, although this is not totally uplifting ... it is a positive post I hope.
Life goes on... and now.. OMG.. I am a woman... forever..
Keri

[HappyMoni]

Keri,
Maybe you have lost some things and that stinks. It least the foundation on which everything you build in your life is based on being you now. Determination to get to where you want to be may be a good way to focus yourself. One step at a time and not looking at everything at once can go a ways toward being positive. Congratulations on womanhood. I am happy for you.
Moni

[Nicole]

You've been a woman all your life love

[Marlee]

and a lovely woman you are Keri

[Eva Marie]

Keri-

As others have said - you've always been a woman - you are finally living as one and dealing with the same problems and issues that other women have to deal with as well as some issues that came with you from your previous life.

Even though I have not had the surgery I still struggle at times with a sense of unreality and dislocation, and in very dark times the question of whether losing everything was really worth what I gained. Not everything in my old life was bad and some things were quite good, and I miss the good things.

The answer to that question of course is yes, it is far better to be alive than dead, and my life is much better than before. But it is hard to be suddenly alone and single after 27 years of marriage, it is difficult to realize that I might be single for the rest of my life, and it is difficult to adapt to a completely new way of living and of being perceived. I knew about these things before I transitioned of course, but the reality of living with them is a bit different than I expected.

Come on out to SoCal dear - the weather is generally perfect, there are no tornadoes, the laws are on your side, we have a rocking trans pride event in June, the pacific ocean is less than an hour away as are the mountains, and employers are generally trans friendly - you'll fit right in 

[Debra]

I know that feeling =) Congratz.

Definitely has its losses though, agreed. My parents are forever out of the picture as far as I'm concerned but I did find the man for me and have supportive friends/family.

I stuck with the same career but  my hobbies are definitely different and often more social now

[Jessie Ann]

Load up the truck and move to Beverly.....Hills, that is.  Swimming pools, movie stars......
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Keri]

Load up the truck and move to Beverly.....Hills, that is.  Swimming pools, movie stars......
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hahahahahahahahahaha...LMAO.. good one

[Keri]

Thanks Girls,
I really appreciate the responses..
In reality, looks like a move is in my future.. most likely to CA.  Its expensive there but I could get a job ahead of time.. There has never been a better sales person alive than me..
At least in CA I could relax and go for it.
I also love music.. I live for concerts and clubs and dancing.
Oklahoma is ok.. but nothing like CA.

I also want to get involved in politics and kick some asses..
So who knows.

Anyway, still trying to get my feet on the ground.  Right now I trip every few steps...and sometimes I fall.
Somehow we keep getting up.. that is what counts.
Keri

[kittenpower]

All of this talk of moving to CA, really makes me miss it; I would go back if I could convince my hubby, but he's put off by how expensive it is and all of the traffic. And Keri, congratulations on making such a beautiful transformation! Best wishes in all of your endeavors 😊

[OCAnne]

...Umm going out on a limb here...but here goes.  Just wait until you use it!   ...with a lover. 

Congratulations,
Anne

EOM

[Michelle_P]

Oh, Keri, what a wonderful post.  You've made it, and become fully and completely yourself in body and mind.  Congratulations!  Oh, and yeah, CA is pretty darn nice.

[warlockmaker]

You were the first TG I have met that is not Asian ...told you when we first met. It was a really bonding experience..Yes, we discussed post op depression and we all got hit to a degree ...but we were prepared.

Life goes on as normal...except we have a new perspective of the world.  We have to face our daily problems of life, work and sadness. You are a strong woman and I know you will excell.

Just a humorous digression but sometimes when I go to pee sitting down, late at night, I automatically reach for my phantom penis.

Love you and ..if I was going to live in the USA I would opt for California ...went to San Diego State University and had the time of my life.

[Keri]

You were the first TG I have met that is not Asian ...told you when we first met. It was a really bonding experience..Yes, we discussed post op depression and we all got hit to a degree ...but we were prepared.

Life goes on as normal...except we have a new perspective of the world.  We have to face our daily problems of life, work and sadness. You are a strong woman and I know you will excell.

Just a humorous digression but sometimes when I go to pee sitting down, late at night, I automatically reach for my phantom penis.

Love you and ..if I was going to live in the USA I would opt for California ...went to San Diego State University and had the time of my life.

Hey Chick,
Wonderful post and thank you so much. I had a really hard weekend... everyone was out doing things and I got so depressed....  But I am better now... in fact have a date with a hot dude tomorrow night...second date.  He really likes me..almost to much..ugh

Keri

[Keri]

Thanks for all the replies and wonderful posts.. Love you all....
Keri

[juliehope]

I am so happy for you Keri.

There have been a couple of girls recently that stopped posting after GCS with rumours of regret. This was beginning my decision to have my surgery in Thailand, or at all. But you and Anne have reassured me that all we give up is worth it in the end.

Love Jools x

[Keri]

I am so happy for you Keri.

There have been a couple of girls recently that stopped posting after GCS with rumours of regret. This was beginning my decision to have my surgery in Thailand, or at all. But you and Anne have reassured me that all we give up is worth it in the end.

Love Jools x

Julie,
Expect a certain amount of depression after surgery.. therapy is important. I can not imagine myself being a woman without the surgery.. so I wonder if they regretted transition or had complications.  Dilating is time consuming... thats for sure.  This is why its so important to be full time for a year before surgery..   Some don't even want it... and that is up to them.
I am dating men now..just CIS dudes that like girls. Without the surgery.. I would be lost..
Keri

[FrancisAnn]

You look great & happy. I'm sure men would love the opportunity to be with you. Not all would be afraid to tell others. Now that your body is good, use it girl friend......enjoy. You may meet a great man......& I'm sure it will feel great since your vagina is ready......I would sure love to be in your position. I love to be with a man, love it but my body is not yet ready. You need friends, so no reason to move just open up, be glad for you who are, men will knocking at your door soon....Take care & have fun girl friend.

[Keri]

The one thing I am finding now is not that its hard to find a guy. Its  to submit to a dude. They want to be in charge and are so aggressive sometimes.. I am not used to saying no... but I am learning from other girls. I have a guy picking me up tonight.. that is a first.. and taking me to dinner.  He knows about me.. I like full disclosure. He is really good looking... Its just weird.. I transitioned so fast and did not expect attn this fast.  UGH...
They treat me like a woman which is great but I am surprised how hart it is to get used to.. LOL
Keri

[FrancisAnn]

Keri, You & your man will know very quick if the chemistry is right. Some men want to show themselves off to you & have sex so quick. Others want to court you, go slow....I always just let the man do what he wanted to do, let him know I liked him, he was handsome.....sexy......I enjoyed being desired you know. Just relax & enjoy being a woman for whatever your nice man needs but if he's rough or not good to you, kick him to the curb......so fast. You will have so many men desiring you I'm sure. Have fun girl friend, you are in charge......