Looking for some insight.

[blueeggs]

Hello,  I am a 39 year old gay male.  Ever since i can remember I have always thought my penis looking out of place and didn't feel like I should be there.  I don't have a desire to be a female but feel like i should have a vagina.  I like my masculinity but feel like I have the wrong genitalia.  Most of the time I don't even like to be touched sexually there.  Socially I feel like I identify as a man but genitalia wise a female.  I have done some reading online and It seem that you almost alway have to fully transition and live as a female to have srs but I know thats not me.  Any insight or advice would be appreciated.

thanks.

[V M]

Hi Blueeggs 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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V M

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Normally through most programs, a full transition would be the path to surgery. You are not the first on this board to feel that way but you are among a very small group. At this point a gender therapist would be a very good idea because often we suppress some of our feelings and exploring these feeling might give you a better feeling as to where you fit in. It's possible you fit into the non binary which is not male or female but somewhere in-between. For now I am going to give you several links to explore. They may not fit you but at least you will be aware of there existence.

The first is our WIKI where you will learn more about the non binary and the definition of transgender. Next is "the transition channel" where transsexualism is covered in more detail. The last is some threads dealing with gender fluid/bigender and non binary.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

Review them and if you have questions, post them on this thread.

[Ms Grace]

As Dena says, you're not the only person to have these feelings. While it is not common it would not necessarily be impossible but I'd also suggest having a talk about this with a gender therapist.

A few things to keep in mind...having your penis surgically reconfigured to a vagina will mean loss of testosterone so if you want to maintain that you'll need to take injections post op; generally adult humans need either estrogen or testosterone in their system otherwise lethargy and osteoporosis can result so after surgery you would probably need to chose one or the other and estrogen will of course feminise your body; after surgery the neo vagina needs to be dilated regularly (daily at first) to maintain depth and the opening.

[AnonyMs]

I've come across a few people who are interested in the same thing, but is is quite rare. I've spent quite a lot of time researching a related area and I believe there are people who've managed to get SRS like that, but you'll need money, determination, and approval by a psych.

And everyone, including me, will say see a gender therapist first. Its both helpful and something you need to do if you want to get surgery (probably).

[blueeggs]

Thanks to everyone for there advice.  I have been researching local gender therapists in the area and have found a couple that specialize in non binary.  My insurance covers srs surgery and therapy sessions.  Also found a plastic surgeon that is non binary friendly.  Thanks again to everyone.  Will keep you updated with my journey.

[Dena]

I am glad you found someone to work with. I think in the last year I have only seen about half a dozen people who felt the way you do and there wasn't any follow up on them. This could be a learning experience for both of us and I hope to learn more about you.

[AnonyMs]

You might find this post interesting, regarding SRS and presenting male.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,173875.msg1860957.html#msg1860957

[AnonyMs]

This post by Warlockmaker is also relevant

Wonderful transition without any RLE
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=209027.5

I think in the last year I have only seen about half a dozen people who felt the way you do and there wasn't any follow up on them.

I believe this is a combination of small numbers and a lack of acceptance of this path - people don't want post about doing it.