Parenting transgender children

[Devlyn]

How do you think you would do if your child told you they were transgender. If you've been there, or are there, how did or how are you handling it? I would imagine we'll see different reactions in the thread based on age.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Midnightstar]

How do you think you would do if your child told you they were transgender. If you've been there, or are there, how did or how are you handling it? I would imagine we'll see different reactions in the thread based on age.

Hugs, Devlyn

I don't have kids but someday i wouldn't mind adopting and to be honest i would make sure from step one my kids are raised with the understand that you can be who ever you want to be and if you want to wear pink wear pink you want to wear blue wear blue you want to dress like a guy dress like a guy you want to wear a dress wear a dress.
I will educate them early on the LGBT community and about how accepting others is important, and about how everyone in this world needs a friend. I want my kids to understand that our society is getting better at acceptance but i also want them to know the world isn't going to be easy its filled with ignorance and good and bad but no matter what happens inside life as we get older that together i'd hope this ignorance of the world lessons with the more generations to come and we are all meant to help the world grow and understand in different ways.
I'll make sure my children know the world is nor easy or hard but we make the best of what we can and strive to help whom ever we can while alive because life is short. Of course i'll say it in a simpler way that depending on the age range can understand and won't scare them. I don't have a kid yet, i can't say for sure if this world work or if it would be the correct way but i know growing up everything was sugar coated i asked people why and they never gave me a solid answer. And growing up i wasn't allowed to wear men's clothing or do the things i wanted to do because in my family's eyes i was a girl and girls don't do boy things. But i'll be throwing that idea out the widow and i will not let anyone ever tell my kids how to think or whom to become. They'll become who ever they wish.

[Devlyn]

That's a great attitude! How do you think you would be affected by it? Some people say they wouldn't want a trans/trans relationship because of the double dysphoria, etc, but we don't have that choice if it's our child. How much would their issues become your issues?

[arice]

I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old. I would be accepting of whatever gender identity and sexual orientation they have... I just want them to be decent human beings.

That said, my children's gender identities did cause me some internal struggles... as I'm sure cis gendered parents find when they have trans children. My struggle came from their certainty about their gender and it's importance to them in spite of my efforts to keep them free from stereotypes. Before I had kids, I had retreated very strongly into an agender mindset and tried to believe that gender shouldn't matter so much. I wanted to believe that it was possible to have a society in which gender didn't matter... I wanted to believe this because then I wouldn't have to reconcile my gender and my body.
But then I had kids... kids who were both certain of their gender from a very young age. I realized that I was also certain of my gender identity as a child. I was certain that I was not a girl. I knew this and I chose to hide from it...
As a parent, I want to raise my children to be more confident in themselves than I was. I don't want them to ever think they need to hide from themselves or deny their identities. I want to be able to advocate for my children and help them to advocate for themselves, regardless of their gender.

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[suzifrommd]

I'd like to think I'd be supportive. I don't care what gender my kids are as long as their life is going the way the'd want it to.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I was a "little mother" in a previous life, proud godparent now. I would allow a small child to explore their gender identity without expectations. It's actually quite normal for children to experiment with gender. I hope with my background I would be able to recognize transsexuality in a child, but as a parent, you can't always know. If a child demands to socially transition or if they hit puberty and go into a tailspin I would definitely intervene decisively.

[FTMDiaries]

The most important thing any parent can do in this situation is to accept your child for who they are. It's not our job to dictate to our kids who and what they should be; rather, we should provide them with a safe, loving, nurturing environment in which they can discover who they are.

My eldest daughter has always been a typical girly-girl: during her dressing-up phase she always dressed as a Disney princess and her favourite toys were dolls. But her younger sister was gender-nonconforming when she was little: she abhorred girls' clothes and her dressing-up phase consisted of her dressing as The Hulk, Spider-Man and Ben Ten - and her favourite toy was a fire engine.

So I supported both of them in expressing themselves as they saw fit. We'd go shopping with my eldest dressed as Rapunzel, and my youngest in a Hulk muscle suit complete with a voice-changing face mask. We'd get loads of smiles from other parents as they approached us - there are few things as funny and adorable as a tiny two-year-old in a huge green muscle suit.   But then they'd walk past us & look at my youngest from behind: they could see that she had long hair (and was therefore either a girl, or a boy with long hair). Their faces would immediately turn to thunder and they'd shoot accusatory looks in my direction. How dare we let a girl dress as The Hulk? Or how dare we let our boy grow his hair long? What kind of parents were we?!?!?

The best kind.

Because that's my child, and that's how she wants to present herself to the world. She's thrilled with her Hulk costume and she knows she looks brilliant in it. So that's what she's going to wear. Anyone who doesn't like it can quite frankly do one.

But also because I was struggling with my own gender issues. I remember what it was like to be forced to wear girls' clothes when doing so made my skin crawl. I remember looking longingly at my brother wearing a Superman T-Shirt when I was forced to wear some flowery rubbish. I had no way of knowing whether my daughter was a tomboy or trans - all I knew was that she preferred boys' clothes and wanted to be the Hulk. So that's what we did for her, knowing that the truth of who she is would be revealed in the fullness of time.

She outgrew her phase and settled into a female identity several years ago. She's now in her teens and whilst still not a girly-girl, she's definitely a young woman. No harm has come to her from letting her express who she is. Rather, it's helped form her into a strong young woman who knows what she wants.

But if she didn't outgrow it? If it actually turned out that my child was trans? We'd have been down the Tavistock getting puberty blockers faster than a speeding bullet. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone.

[link5019]

I would be completely accepting of them when they come out. I don't have children but I want to one day.  Personally, after I came out, I face pretty much utter rejection from my family. They invalidated me, tried to reason with me to not transition, even started asking money because I wanted to transition, even though I'm paying for it all out of my pocket, etc. They literally have done everything a transphobic parent would do when their child came out, and it seriously hurt...I already know that when I have a kid, that I will make sure that I treat them like a child and not like a servant or just another person. I'll let them be themselves, but also guide them when it's needed. I'll make sure they are responsible and learn why. I won't yell at them, I won't get mad at them. If they come out, I would tell them my experience and say I'm there 100% of their journey.  It isn't my place to tell them who or who they aren't, and sadly that's what my parents have been trying to do to me my whole life. I know that transition is difficult at times and that's why I want a good relationship with my child so that if they did come out, we could have open communication with each other that way if they struggle we could talk it out until they feel better! I think the bottom line is I would be supportive no matter what.

[Asche]

Actually, I'm kind of actually in this situation.

One of my sons came out to me a year ago.  In fact, he was the one that got me to stop procrastinating and actually call up the clinic to get on HRT.  (Long shaggy dog story....)

However, I don't really understand what it's about for him.  We've talked some, but I'm not sure he understands, either.  I suspect that him being on The Spectrum (Asperger) doesn't help.  Actually, we may all 4 (incl. ex-wife) be, to some extent or other.

On, and yes, I've asked and he's just as happy to stay with his birth name and male pronouns, at least for now.

Anyway, both of my sons (in their 20's, FWIW) have had and continue to have issues, to the point that one of them being trans (in whatever sense he means it) is just another elephant on the bus, if you know what I mean.  I learned the hard way that they're just going to be who they are and all I can do is go with the flow and try to protect them as they careen through life.  (Anybody want a stack of utterly useless child-rearing books? )   Actually, that's what I'd advise any parent of any child: ignore the experts, just listen to who they are.