Problems at work

[bridgermtns]

I was talking with a co-worker the other day, I was trying to be friendly because I feel like I have been really quiet since I've worked there for almost a year now.  Part of the reason for my quiteness has been because of fear, I just am so afraid of people knowing my gender identity/sexual orientation. I started on hrt 2&1/2 months ago but still haven't told anybody. When I was talking to this co-worker she said how she was pansexual and I thought cool here is someone I may be able to tell, then she said how another employee there said how they identified as a valosta raptor and how she thought that was funny. It was clear the person said they identified that way not because they really did but to make fun of all who do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. I find myself being very angry about this and even wanting to say to them how offensive that is but if I did I would essentially be outing myself.

Thanks,
Mariah

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[Mirath]

Taking this from another perspective (although I don't know why people would say it in public, but hey), there is such a thing as Otherkin, which is having a non-physical, non-human identity. (Whether you believe it is a spiritual cause, psychological cause, or even a mix of both)

So it is possible they were talking about their kin identity rather than a gender identity - hell the "I identify as an Apache attack helicopter" has done its fair share of rounds in the numerous kin communities.

Again, some people like sharing that side of themselves, like making it public. I am not one of them, but it's their life to do as they please.

[gooseberry]

About 2 years ago, before I came out, my mum saw this picture of a man who she thought "looked like a woman," and she made some rather transphobic jokes about him. Because of this I worried about what she would think when I came out. To my surprise, she was very accepting, and started doing research on transgender issues, and she no longer makes these kind of jokes. It could be that your coworkers are having a joke simply because they don't know about this subject, they think it's all a bit of fun, they don't know that they're hurting someone in their midst. That doesn't make it right, of course. Totally understandable why you'd feel angry! But it's possible that once they learn better they will buck up their attitudes.

One tactic I used a lot to gauge people's true opinions, is I would find a newspaper article about a trans person (a positive one, of course!) and conversationally ask people what they thought about it. Then I could say things like "I think this person did really well, good on 'em!" and even discuss it to a degree, because people would assume we were talking about the person in the article and no one else.

As to coming out yourself I would recommend researching your company policy and the law in your region if you haven't done so already. Is there someone you can talk to in private? Is there a manager you can have a confidential chat with? Or does your company have a department you can go to for advice? Or an anonymous advice service? I'd recommend going that avenue before coming out to people one on one, both for your safety and your peace of mind.