Hi all,
I don't know if this is the right part of forum, but I need your help.
I'll try to be short as possible, but for the record, it won't be short
So, I have a problem with a girl that I suppose is actually straight (or she thinks so, I don't know). Please help me out with this one. First off, I'm a transgender male that still didn't start therapy because of the lack of money, so I'm not living as I would want to (I still didn't come out).
Back to my problem. I started collaborating with this girl, it was work related. We worked really closely for 8 months. I always thought she was cute, but I started picturing her in a different way since I really got to know her and I was really attracted to her personality. Everything about her clicked. When it comes to me, I won't try anything with a girl if I don't feel something coming from the other side. I especially didn't want to say anything to her since we collaborated together. The point is that I felt like she was flirting with me from times to times.
During that whole time I only did one nice thing for her - she was leaving on a one month trip so I decided to send her one photoshoped picture to make her laugh. She did and that went great (also added me on Facebook). When she came back, she was always really talkative, seemed interested in me and in the things that I do, always had a warm and nice smile. Also, she would sometimes find an excuse to call me just to hear me (it was always something not important). She also sometimes put something on Facebook that seemed like she was sending me some messages (for example, I shared one song, she would then put the same song on her wall with different video etc). Then, she also decided to help me out when I was trying to figure out what I want to do with my career. She helped me write my CV in a better way and she also recommended me as a great prospect to her company, which was really great and possibly my dream come true. She also wrote a recommendation letter for me. As a thanks I decided to send a cake to her office. She was really suprised and she liked that.
Two weeks later we were both going to one conference. Since I was in the organization, I though I should give her a call for drinks when I get there. But, she couldn't wait and she called me one day earlier to check out when I'm coming and to see when will we have drinks. We met and we had a nice time together. She opened to me a lot, talked about her problems at work and she also said she was switching jobs since her contract didn't get renewed. After that, we were only collaborating for one more month. Since she was leaving the company she worked at, I decided to do something special for her.
With few of her colleagues I decided to make her a website filled with pictures and memories we shared together. We also recorded video messages. She loved it and was really touched. Since that event I decided to ask her if she would like to join my current company (our jobs were related) since I also thought she would be a great asset for us. She said that this isn't her dream job and thanked me for asking. From that time, we didn't hear for a month.
Then I decided that I should send her a message and check out what was going on. I just wanted to know did she find any job. She said she was travelling again, but that she wants to get a coffee wih me when she gets back. She did get back but didn't wrote me anything. A month past and her birthday came. Once again I contacted her and said "Happy birthday!" and decided to ask her for a coffee since I really wanted to see her. She said yes and we finally met. I maintained my cool and we had a nice talk, once again. I didn't do anything to show her I was interested in her. Then she did something that shocked me.
It was somewhere around 11 pm and I was working on some presentation when I received a message from her "Hey, I feel something strange between us. I just gotta ask, do you feel something more for me than just friends?" At first I didn't know how to act or what to say. I knew that if I tell her that I like her that I should also tell her about me being transgender. Just one friend knew about it. Also, I was wondering if she feels something but is scared to say (she is very traditional and church related). At first I decided to respond neutrally saying I really like her and that I like talking to her, but just on a friend basis. I also wanted to see how will she react. She responded also neutrally not making things more clearer.
On the next day I decided I should tell her honestly about me. I said I panicked because there is something about me that she should know, but that I do feel more than just friends about her. She responded she doesn't feel the same and what killed me was this - "I suggest we stop talking privately, but if we get work related again, that's not a problem". She didn't even ask what was that thing about me. I suggested we remain friends and said I won't do anything other than talking when being with her, but she said "I know. But I can feel it..." After that I just said ok, however you want it, I won't cause any troubles.
The strange thing happend after three day - she deactivated her Facebook and she was off Facebook for quite a while. When she returned she kept me as a friend but decided to limit her posts so that I don't see them (I know this cause I work a lot on social media). She can see mine always.
Anyway, since I'm still thinking about this girl, I'm looking for some other opinions. I just don't understand why did she asked me if I feel more than friends for her when she then just decided to remove me from her life. Was this just a game to her?
I'm really lost and I can't get her out of my mind. That last message from her happend 4 months ago. Nothing would make me happier than a message from her.
Should I do anything about it or just walk away and forget about it?
Thanks for reading and for all your help
