How I found out!

[Roses and Songs]

   When I was about seven, my dad took me and 'we' had a serious talk. He told me: you're a big man now so you must be responsible, no more crying, no more sitting on your daddy's knees, no more playing with dolls, you must take care of your little sister, etc... I remember thinking: WHAT? no dresses, no lace, no barbies, no beautiful long hair, no lipstick and no nail polish for me, ever? REALLY? That's when I found out something was wrong but that was in 1965 and well, I did the best I could to comply for 45 years and although I HATED watching sports on tv, drinking beer, fast cars and talking about girls/sex all day, no one ever noticed anything strange about me, good comedians aren't always found in theatres! So, forty years later, I started selling rare coins on the-bay so I could finaly buy woman's clothes anonymously and that's what I did, WITH A VENGEANCE I must say (cause when going in stores I always felt 'uncomfortable' saying: If she doesn't like it can she she come and exchange it? you know what I mean, ha ha) and at about the same time high speed internet came out so I became a serious youtuber. One day I was flying about in my amazingly beautiful new clothes, probably singing and dancing too when I stumbled upon a documentary about a French trans girl who had just received her new papers. And then she said: NOW I CAN DIE! I cried and I cried and I cried and THAT's when I re-found out and took my decision and six years ago, it all came to be, and it all came to be. Of course my dad refuses to see me anymore but hey, I can hang out with the girls now so who cares... Hormones four years ago and we're sailing, straight ahead and steady. You know, kinda feels good to talk about myself, I have no friends and no family to talk to no more (temporarely I guess) and I'm so glad I found this site, you will soon hear about me again. Very soon, you'll see. Take good care of yourselves and with all my love, Rose. In the meantime, I'm a signer so if you're interested:

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I was reviewing posts for issues and your name kept showing up. At last I encountered your introduction so it was time to greet you. It sounds like you are well into your transition but if there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

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[V M]

Hi Rose 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Midnightstar]

   When I was about seven, my dad took me and 'we' had a serious talk. He told me: you're a big man now so you must be responsible, no more crying, no more sitting on your daddy's knees, no more playing with dolls, you must take care of your little sister, etc... I remember thinking: WHAT? no dresses, no lace, no barbies, no beautiful long hair, no lipstick and no nail polish for me, ever? REALLY? That's when I found out something was wrong but that was in 1965 and well, I did the best I could to comply for 45 years and although I HATED watching sports on tv, drinking beer, fast cars and talking about girls/sex all day, no one ever noticed anything strange about me, good comedians aren't always found in theatres! So, forty years later, I started selling rare coins on the-bay so I could finaly buy woman's clothes anonymously and that's what I did, WITH A VENGEANCE I must say (cause when going in stores I always felt 'uncomfortable' saying: If she doesn't like it can she she come and exchange it? you know what I mean, ha ha) and at about the same time high speed internet came out so I became a serious youtuber. One day I was flying about in my amazingly beautiful new clothes, probably singing and dancing too when I stumbled upon a documentary about a French trans girl who had just received her new papers. And then she said: NOW I CAN DIE! I cried and I cried and I cried and THAT's when I re-found out and took my decision and six years ago, it all came to be, and it all came to be. Of course my dad refuses to see me anymore but hey, I can hang out with the girls now so who cares... Hormones four years ago and we're sailing, straight ahead and steady. You know, kinda feels good to talk about myself, I have no friends and no family to talk to no more (temporarely I guess) and I'm so glad I found this site, you will soon hear about me again. Very soon, you'll see. Take good care of yourselves and with all my love, Rose. In the meantime, I'm a signer so if you're interested:

Welcome, we are always around to be your friends
sorry that your father never accepted you but who needs critics right?

[Roses and Songs]

Oups, I just saw in the TOS that it was not OK to link to my own web page outside of Susan's, if that is so let me know, I definitely do not wish to infringe on the rules and regulations. Thanks in advance. And thank you so much to you welcoming me here, I am deeply touched by your kindness.

[SidneyAldaine]

I LOVE to sing as well..Here's a question for you though: I'm trying to push my voice up as far as possible and it bothers the hell out of me that my voice isn't feminine enough. How do you cope?

I listened to your playlist and must say, you are brilliant! Don't you want to release your songs into public? Even though they are covers? There is something to your voice, soothing but energic!

Welcome at Susan's place

[Roses and Songs]

Hello Sydney dear, I can't really answer that, I don't know. I started singing about 3 years ago in karaoke bars and it was effortless for me, as if it had always been there. I had to quit the bars eventualy, drunk people can be... well, let's say 'not nice' sometimes but if you want my idea, you should find songs, just a few always the same, that you can almost reach the highest notes from (don't start with hard ones it's the best way to make you quit, don't even try them) and sing them idealy with the record playing with a FULL and LOUD voice, yell if you have to but no soft tones at first. Then when you've made it, you can bring down the volume and put some feel into the effort. You can then go on to a higher song but remember the three rules, practice, practice and practice, repetition makes wonders and it's the only way anyway but it can be fun, that's why you should sing with the record playing loud, you won't hear yourself too much and eventualy, you will feel like YOU are the one singing on it! Good luck and take good care of yourself, Rose.
(You can also find the instrumental version of just about any song on youtube, that's where I get mine)

[Roses and Songs]

Hello dear, I just found out I cannot answer personal messages yet and I am not a member of your blogspot so I guess here would be the only place I could possibly answer you but I am not familiar with the site so is there any other way you know of, or YT (youtube) maybe? One thing I will say right now though: headphones MUST stay in the drawer, no one can sing with those on, with both sides anyway but recording should wait until you're perfectly at ease with a song, almost is not enough. I need to know how you record your voice, what equipment (microphone, recorder, speakers, etc...) do you own and use and are you familiar with sound software, if so which ones and by the way, English dogs only drive on the other side of the car and if your role model was captain Picard, mine was Deanna Troi, of course! (ha ha) Cheers friend, Rose.
(I use an AT2020 USB microphone, an old Dell laptop and the Nuendo 4 multitrack recorder software, to know more google for them and/or there are plenty of tutorials for the software on YT)

[SidneyAldaine]

You can post a comment anonymously through discuss, but it doesn't matter now

I'm sure you can tell I have no special recording software from that video of mine- just amateur default ones. The same goes for microphone, so I'll just have to wait and buy some stuff later on when I have money for it. Which I don't right now (it sucks).

Here is a list of things I have to buy in a year's span:

-microphone
-camera for video recording
-camera in style of old polaroids
-custom domain name for my blogs
-not counting therapeuts, laser hair removal, hrt..

So, when I'll be at the point of buying some equipment, I'll ask you for your opinion. I don't care about software yet, since there is nothing it can do with bad mic.

Those are my dreams and next steps in life.

Anyway, I always thought the Councelor is just a cheerleader there. And you have to admit, at first few episodes it looks that way. Only later they added some depth to her character. I remember I wanted to be an empath as well, just not her. There was one character I liked who had those powers but can't remember her name, she was a side character and almost instantly killed off

[Roses and Songs]

There are things you can do now if you want, like improving your pitch by practicing, if you know how to torrent download you could get the software (Nuendo) for free and start exploring it, it's quite a complicated endeavour to start from scratch and learn to use it efficiently so the sooner the better. You could use a simple webcam (if you have one) to record yourself and get used to being if front of it to your liking, etc... And you could sing, and sing, and sing but this is none of my business really and I know how it feels when you would need things to help get things done and you don't have them but I'm 58 now so I've had time to pickup stuff and since I like fixing things, I can keep them much longer than most do but yes, we are probably the ones who have to pay the most just to be or become who we are, sadly. When I look back though, all the money I spent, the bad times, the loneliness, the family and friends I lost forever and everything else, it was all worth it. Even if I will never be able to buy a car or travel anywhere again, my little life satisfies me plenty. Sooo, my fingers are starting to hurt now so I'll stop here. Good luck, all my love and the best to you and yes, the councelor looked like a cheerleader for a while but hey, I wouldn't mind looking like that, but for no more than a couple of seasons and only if I have to, of course! I posted a new video just for fun, it's about fingers, the first one where you can really see me, The fingers are real but this is obviously not my real voice, I was just having fun. See ya, Rose.      According to a study reported by National Geographic, thus a serious one I HOPE, most men's ring fingers are longer than their indexes... and that is why I had no choice you see. And since fingers cannot be changed, I had to modify all the rest. (I mean like, why not!) They add: ''If a man has a longer index finger than his ring finger, he may have had an elevated dose of estrogen at some point during his development (nooo, really?) — which is not necessarily a bad thing.''  WHAT! well of course it's not a bad thing, who would think otherwise anyway! Cheers, Rose.
(Ahhh good, thank you so much Dena, now I feel much better!)

[Dena]

Oups, I just saw in the TOS that it was not OK to link to my own web page outside of Susan's, if that is so let me know, I definitely do not wish to infringe on the rules and regulations. Thanks in advance. And thank you so much to you welcoming me here, I am deeply touched by your kindness.

When you reach 15 posts, most of the site features will unlock. You will be able to respond to PMs and you can modify your profile to include Youtube and various personal sites. As long as you own the rights to the material, it's not commercial and conforms to the TOS, you are free to post it.

Links to other material require caution when ownership issues are involved and that's the reason for the limits in TOS 1. We want new users to understand what is acceptable to post when the material is owned by somebody else.

Also by putting links in your profile gives you more control because posts lock after 24 hours and can't be altered. As long as you have access to the site, your profile can be altered at anytime.

[SidneyAldaine]

I'll keep practicing then, thank you for all your positivity, Rose!

Sometimes I think I want too many things in life at once and that makes me anxious. If I could just learn to be more patient!

[Roses and Songs]

Ahhh patience, guess it only comes with growing old but impatience is probably a good part of what makes the world go round so not all bad you know and to be honest with you I was much too patient with people who were treating me very badly in the hope that they would change or stop and it almost drove me mad, I had to have a couple of panic attacks (the only ones I ever had, not funny) before I understood the danger of what I was doing, they were rejecting me all the time but I was letting them do it so... Anyway what I wanted to tell you is that I bought my microphone second hand, I paid 66$ CAN for it 2 years ago and it still works perfectly (I always buy used stuff when possible, saves me money, it's a good way to recycle and it saves on the size of landfills), the software I downloaded for free and the laptop I already had so it wasn't that expensive but if I had to make a choice, transition stuff would go first, obviously! You mentioned Slovakia, I went nearby in 1988, I was sound engineer with a folkloric dance group and we went to Hungary for 10 days and to (then) Yugoslavia (Serbia) for 4 days. Then I went back to our transit point, Amsterdam for a two week vacation, I rented a car, went around Holland and Belgium for four days then I took a ferry to England for the remaining ten days. My only trip to Europe, I loved it so much I wish I could go back again and possibly finish my days there but my finances are saying otherwise, some dreams must stay dreams I guess but sometimes when I close my eyes, I'm almost there... (I would love Sweden, for the music) Oh, and by the way, the young female singers you said you were singing, I know nothing about, sorry. As for my range it's pretty large but I use 'falsetto' or head voice a lot (google it), once you master the technique it allows you to go much much higher than you thought you ever would, it's kind of a trick but it's legal so... If you listen to my Kate Bush cover, that's what it is. (but it's a secret, just between you and me, OK?) Anyway, I'll leave you here but remember, the road to get to your dreams can be enjoyable just as much as getting there, your choice. Peace and happiness to you my friend, Rose.

[Dena]

Roses and Songs. You were fortunate that your head voice had sufficient range to work the feminine range. Some of us start out with such a low voice that the comfort zone in the feminine range is still masculine. In my case, 130-140HZ was the comfort zone for the head voice and pushing it, the upper limit was 180HZ. That put me out of the bottom of the feminine range of 190HZ. Voice surgery was invented and finally evolved to the point that I had it last summer and while I still need to use the head voice, at least I can comfortably get above 200HZ.

[Roses and Songs]

Hello Dena, thank you for your lovely reply and thank you for sharing your personal experiences, I really appreciate that, makes me feel like I'm starting to be part of the... the gang I guess. Believe me I very well know how fortunate I am, I was in a restaurant once and a 6'5'', 300 pounds guy with a baritone voice came in and it hit me: what if I was like that, what would I have done, I really don't know but I sure wouldn't have been even close to where I am now, both physicaly but mostly mentaly. Anyway, since I have woman's fingers I figure I must have had other features that were influenced by estrogen during faetal development, (hopefuly the brain...) like my voice, I also have small bones, I'm 5'7'' and my normal weight is about 145 but I have some to lose now. Since I live in the great white north, near Montreal, Canada, my winters are long and there's not much to do outside so when spring comes I take out my bicycle and off we go, I've lost about 6 pounds already but I've got to lose some more simply because my bathing suits are telling me so!(but don't tell anyone) I must have had a very high level of natural estrogens in me because the effect of HRT was and still is amazing aftyer 4 1/2 years, my thighs, my hair, my bums and my breasts are all much much more feminine than I ever expected and since I'm 58 now, I am more and more at peace with the universe so I really like the person I now am, in both ways. As for the head voice I'm talking about it's the singing voice, (falsetto) I didn't have to work as hard on my talking voice as you did so I don't know where I'm at frequency wise. I 'm not quite certain of the copyright policies here so I will give you a link to one of my songs in which I use that technique the whole song, all you have to do is add the 'h' at the beginning, I would be honored if you took the time. Well, that's about it for now I guess, (that's enough too!) thanks again for your time and attention and take good care of yourself. Love, Rose.
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz-jiDaPUPs

[Dena]

You are clearly singing in the feminine range. It sound like you had very low testosterone levels or your insensitive to it resulting in a more feminine body. Many on the the site fall into the category however at 5'14" I clearly am the supersize model. I was originally drawn to to site because of the voice section. I learned a good deal about voice in the 1970's when I had speech therapy however until now, it didn't have the instrument to use the knowledge. Don't ask me about music because I really don't know that much about it but speaking voices I can work with.

[Roses and Songs]

Hello again Dena, I do know about singing voices but don't ask me about speaking voices. That makes our knowledges complementary, I can't think of a better situation. Cheers my friend, Rose.

Ha ha, and you're a funny girl... and I'm forty-eighteen!  (took me a while to see it though)

[TC]

Hiya Rose,

I'm new here too and enjoying the exploration. Thank you for your interesting post. I have enjoyed reading them

[Roses and Songs]

   Hello TC, thank you for the kind words. As you can see I can write and write a lot, I haven't got any friends right now and I've got a lot to say, mostly about myself, of course, (and she's pretentious but just a bit) so YOU people are gonna get it, ha ha! Hope you're enjoying this place as much as I do, take good care of yourself, Rose.

[Roses and Songs]

   Hey Midnightstar, thanks for taking the time. Don't worry 'bout my 'genitor', after he came out as homosexual in the 70's and my parents divorced, none of us (my mother, sister or me) EVER thought of rejecting him in any way. We even got to know most of his companions and one of them practicaly became family. If he doesn't want to see me anymore because I changed my appearance (because that's all I changed really) and I now wear dresses instead of a pair of jeans something's clearly wrong with the guy. The only problem (for him) with that state of affairs is that in order not to feel like the victim of HIS decision I had to take myself the decision that I didn't want to see him either and I don't know about his decision but mine is final. What if say he changes his mind and we become friends again and then I make a boy or a girlfriend he doesn't like, is he gonna reject me again? Sorry, I'm just not interested but let's be clear, I'm not being vengeful here and I don't hate the guy, he gave me a wonderful childhood and I thank him for that but I don't want to go through this ever again. I got used to life without them and since I'm happier now than I've ever been, I'm not willing to risk that. (I had to cut ties with my mother and sister too, for different reasons) Ha ha, guess you got me started here! Anyway, I still don't and probably will never understand his reasons but what I know is that as a son, he would have liked to have some kind of a bodybuilding military brute. OUPS! Cheers friend, Rose.