Is there a way for me to find a trans person where I live?

[Sadephanie]

I have next to no friends at all. All the ones I do have, have no idea that I am Trans and I feel like a constant liar towards all of them and I feel really guilty about different things, like when I stay over at their house and we end up sleeping in the same bed, I feel very bad inside because they don't know they're sleeping with a girl and think they're sleeping in a bed with a guy and it makes me extremely depressed every time. I stayed at a friends house last night and I sat on the stairs outside for two hours crying because I felt so guilty and that was from 2:30am all the way to 4:30am. I keep losing sleep over this constant guilt and I want people to know who I am, but due to a certain reason I can not be open about it, would rather not go into details, but what I really want most is someone like me as a friend, I need someone like me as a friend, and not over the internet, someone I can see in person, but the issue is, I live in a town of 4,000 and the nearest town with over 10,000 is fifty miles away. So I can't go to any support groups or anything, my only hope, and what I pray for EVERY night and beg for every night is a friend like me. Someone who understands what its like to not be the right gender physically, someone who knows. But, due to living in such a small town, and that the nearest big town is fifty miles away, I can't find anyone like me without going around asking "are you trans??" And I won't do that because that would just end even worse than being openly trans right now. Anyways.. Is there a way to find a person who is trans like me in such a small town?

[stephaniec]

are there any counselors  or therapists you can talk to to ease the loneliness .

[Dena]

The problem is there might be about 8 people living in your town who are transsexual and if you include the transgender in the count, there would be more. Finding someone in your age group complicates things even more. It's possible your school district might be aware of someone your age if you are out to them or if your town has a LGBT meeting. I doubt if your town has a LGBT center unless it's handled though a church or some other group. Try googling what you are interested in with your town name included and you might get lucky. If not, see if you can develop a relationship with somebody on the site through PM and if both of you are comfortable with each other, try Skype. It's not as good as being there but you can get to know a person pretty well with Skype.

[Sadephanie]

are there any counselors  or therapists you can talk to to ease the loneliness .

There isn't.

The problem is there might be about 8 people living in your town who are transsexual and if you include the transgender in the count, there would be more. Finding someone in your age group complicates things even more. It's possible your school district might be aware of someone your age if you are out to them or if your town has a LGBT meeting. I doubt if your town has a LGBT center unless it's handled though a church or some other group. Try googling what you are interested in with your town name included and you might get lucky. If not, see if you can develop a relationship with somebody on the site through PM and if both of you are comfortable with each other, try Skype. It's not as good as being there but you can get to know a person pretty well with Skype.

As for the school thing, I live seven miles from my town and am homeschooled, the school isn't an option. As for the LGBT meetings, there are none. I'll try googling my town but I highly doubt it will work. And Skype is not an option. I am not allowed to talk to anyone over the internet or otherwise unless I have met them face to face at least once (my dad's rule) this is due to an incident two years ago and that I was caught talking to people online three times since the incident.

[Sadephanie]

There was no luck in finding anything with a Google search, even the only two counselors near here that came up don't have trans as one of the things they handle.

[Dena]

If you look at our links section, you will find therapist who do Skype session. Otherwise you are pretty isolated unless your family will allow you some freedom to meet others on line. I have traveled around the country a fair amount and I think I have only talked with one other transgender in the wild. We are few in number and many go stealth making it hard to find others.

One other thing to consider. In my everyday life, I only deal with CIS. At some point in time you will have to learn how to live in a CIS world and be happy. Like me, you may be limited to talking with other transgender people online.

[Sadephanie]

I still am not sure why I came back here. Its always the same for me, there's just never a solution to my problem. Sigh. My dad won't let me talk online and I don't have a Skype since no one I know even bothers to text me back at the least, the friends who said they would be there for me never are. Its just.. ugh!!! I'll just never have someone in my life, especially someone who understands me and accepts me as me, my own cousin doesn't talk to me because I'm trans, my 'best' friend won't talk to me anymore, its just pointless. I hate living in every way, and I swear all I could think about last night when I was crying, actually now that I think about it I remember that I couldn't cry for thirty minutes because I was so depressed that I felt nothing. I was dead inside. And wanted to be truly dead. Still want to, there never is a moment I don't anymore. Ugh, went way off topic and into a rant, sorry.

I'm just going to give up on ever finding someone like me and on ever having a best friend as well, I haven't had a best friend at any point in my life, and I have never known what its like to have someone I knew I could rely on 100% and they would always be there, and I never will know. So yeah, I give up on this.

[Dena]

I read a good deal of science fiction and one of the questions that sometimes comes up is populating a new planet. Turns out that it's not a problem because a child can be produced in 9 months by unskilled labor. I know your parent because I have seen the same thing in my life. All of the kids were home schooled. Yes, they received a good education but the intent was to raise good christian children. What was the result? The oldest joined the marines and served honorably in two middle east wars but in the process, he picked up tobacco and alcohol. I am sure his language could be salty when he wanted.

Take me, a public school brat. My education could have been better but I am pretty free from bad habits. I feel the difference was my parents didn't over control my life and allowed me to find my way and make decisions for myself at an early age. I think in the end you will become wiser than your parent in spite of their teaching. It's going to be a long battle and I can only hope that you can see a therapist who understand the basics of transgender treatment. They may not be a gender therapist but the best one I had didn't have that label. He was just willing to learn and he did.

As for the reason you keep coming back, we offer all the help that we are able to though it may be little. The help we give you is far more that anybody close to you is willing to provide. We will continue to help but there are many on the site who need it and few of us. I hope you continue to stay with us but that's your decision.

[Sadephanie]

I seriously think the answer is to just give up at this point, it keeps getting worse, And worse, and worse. I finally found something I heavily enjoyed and loved doing: YouTube. But then, my computer broke just as things began to pick up, after I had just spent $125 getting it fixed. That was after my friend stopped talking to me at all, before that my girlfriend broke up with me just short of us being together two months with a crappy excuse, before that I forced myself to be happy in front of her for almost three months straight since she would go weeks without speaking to me if I got depressed even once, before that my (now ex(thank God)) stepmother found out I was talking to guys and that I liked guys as well as girls, she spread it to my dad, and my grandparents (which my grandparents never knew about until she manipulated my dad into forcing me to tell my grandparents that I had watched videos of guys making out (to put it discreetly)) and it hasn't gotten better. And anytime I think things are getting better, something worse happens within days. At this point it would be better for everyone if I just hung myself and rid the world of me, then all of you, for example, wouldn't even be bothered with this post anymore, or at least one less, my dad wouldn't have to feed me, just to be heartbroken later because he has to kick me out of the family for being trans, my brother wouldn't have to put up with me being an ass towards him sometimes, and my sister wouldn't have to put up with the same, my grandparents wouldn't have to keep buying me stuff to keep me from griping, and my "friends" wouldn't have to be annoyed by me ever again. And before you go and post suicide resources again, I will not view them nor anything about them, I never have and won't, as they will not benefit me as I already clearly have an issue listening to help in even the simplest form.

[Dena]

Cases like this always bother me because I feel so helpless. The best I can do is suggest you pose a simple question to your parents. Would you rather visit my grave or visit me as transgender? That question would determine if you have parents or just people you share an address with. Sadly there are TGs on the site who's parents have chose not to see their child as transgender. So much for parents loving their child.

The sad part is the parent feel that you turned out the way you are because something you did wrong or a choice you made. The truth is it's nobodies fault and it just happened. You could have been born with a cleft lip instead and I wonder if your parents would feel the same way toward you. They need an education and I don't know if any of the above rambling ideas would make them see the truth.

[April_marrie]

I spend alot of time on twitter as there are heaps of tgirls on there and i have made a heap of friends world wide as i am in a similar situation to you .
We usually all get on at sometime during the day and catch up it helps ease the loneliness and usualy always fun   


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[Sadephanie]

Cases like this always bother me because I feel so helpless. The best I can do is suggest you pose a simple question to your parents. Would you rather visit my grave or visit me as transgender? That question would determine if you have parents or just people you share an address with. Sadly there are TGs on the site who's parents have chose not to see their child as transgender. So much for parents loving their child.

The sad part is the parent feel that you turned out the way you are because something you did wrong or a choice you made. The truth is it's nobodies fault and it just happened. You could have been born with a cleft lip instead and I wonder if your parents would feel the same way toward you. They need an education and I don't know if any of the above rambling ideas would make them see the truth.

I came out as trans to them two years ago and it was one of the biggest regrets of my life. My dad and my ex-stepmother both completely rejected it and "convinced" me I was straight and not trans and to this day think that I am "cured" and I wish I was, I honestly hate being trans in full capacity. I can't think of one thing good that has come out of it, all it has done has torn my life down into nothing. When I'm older and if my YouTube account ever becomes big, I will remember this place and try to support it a lot better than I have been, as I do really appreciate and love this site, even if I do completely act like I hate it sometimes. And I want to apologize for my behavior the other night. I notice I tend to come on here when I just need to rant and I take out my anger and depression in bad ways.. I'm going to "re-come out" to my dad later in life when I can become completely self-sufficient, I know I'll lose my "family" but a family who hates me for being a girl at heart is a family I don't want either.

I spend alot of time on twitter as there are heaps of tgirls on there and i have made a heap of friends world wide as i am in a similar situation to you .
We usually all get on at sometime during the day and catch up it helps ease the loneliness and usualy always fun   


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I would, but as before, I'm not allowed any social media and I'm not "out of the closet" yet, and won't be for a while.

[EmilyRyan]

This I can relate.

Last year I tried coming out to my parents and they did the same thing and despite being in my 20s I'm stuck living with them and gotta follow their rules. They also have me currently at isolation like I can't see my friends anymore because my parents think they influenced me into being trans. Crazy thing is my parents to this day act like nothing ever happened but they continue to make sure to keep me "in line".