Anyone get dysphoria only after coming out?

[Randy1980]

Hello all! Have any of you not really had any dysphoria before but started getting it after you finally came out as trans to someone? I came out to my wife about a month ago and before that I never hated being a male I just always wished and preferred to be female more but I noticed about a week after I came out that I woke up with bottom dysphoria when I was disgusted with my morning erection.never really felt that way before.. Also I still don't know if I want to transition I mean I do but I am afraid because of work my kids and my parents.. But my wife after processing everything said that she would prefer me to transition because she wants me to be happy and that she doesn't really even view me as a man now that she knows the truth she actually said she is excited about it.. So I'm a little nervous about the future. I never thought I would ever do it but am actually really considering it I have my first appointment with a therapist scheduled!!

[lily paige]

I never liked erections. My dysphoria is from the man features of my face. Yea before i came out i didnt like it, it felt like me standing in front of a mirrior and not knowing the face in the mirror. I had never had a problem till the other day i was so down about it. i pushed through a day of work the next day it was still there so i took a day off.

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[Amber42]

I know I've had many more bouts of dysphoria once I linked myself to being trans.  There is another thread talking about the feeling of urgency once you start figuring things out.

I think for me, the realization that there are so many in a similar position as I am, and also seeing how happy they seem after transitioning.  Also looking at the before and after pictures makes me see and imagine what is possible.

I go through waves of 'lets go all the way' and back to...I think I can be ok just presenting male and occasionally crossdressing.  Not sure if that's normal, but it presents many doubts in my head regarding doing anything permanent.

Count your lucky stars!!!  Having a wife that is grounded enough to accept you and see through the whole thing to understand how you'd be happiest....that's amazing!!! 




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[Randy1980]

Yes she is absolutely amazing I almost feel like she will be disappointed if o don't transition lol but I know she loves me either way she feels like she was meant to be with someone like me because of the way she grew up and the way she thinks but I know she we love me through whatever I decide.. But I'm the same as you that one day I'm like let's do it lets go all the way then other days I'm like there is no way I could do it but that stems mostly from fears I have.. If I didn't have those fears I would do it without question. Maybe therapy will help me work through those fears

[sarah1972]

Same here - after realizing that I am MTF trans and coming out to my wife dysphoria got a whole lot worse. At least now I can freely be Sarah at home and figure out the next steps and how far to go. Guess therapy will be my next step and I hope for some HRT soon as well...

[Randy1980]

Was your wife pretty excepting also sarah? Yeah I think I'm at least going to do hrt even if I don't fully transition. I just want to lose 50lbs before I start hrt but I will get there

[sarah1972]

Was your wife pretty excepting also sarah? Yeah I think I'm at least going to do hrt even if I don't fully transition. I just want to lose 50lbs before I start hrt but I will get there

Hi Randy -
Overall yes. she was surprised and very worried that my sexual orientation would change which took a bit of explaining on the difference between gender and sexual orientation. She has known about me crossdressing for a long time but she admitted that she had not really seen the extend of it until recently - mainly because I became Sarah mostly while she was at work. Since I am mostly home office, I had a few hours every day for Sarah. She is taking a longer break from work and started noticing me in Sarah mode more often and also noticed that I have more girl shoes than boy shoes...
In the past she had already commented on my outfits (mentioning that my shoes don't fit the dress).

With all that as pre-face she has been super understanding. Over the past two weeks she gave me a bunch of skirts, dresses and tops. We still have to figure out a lot of things. We do keep a lot of conversations going and we got to the point where I will start seeing a therapist to determine where to go. I am also hoping to start HRT soon.

My wife is quite concerned about a full transition or me being in girl mode outside of the house, especially giving the current climate. She is also very worried since we built ourselves a great standing in our community / neighborhood over the past 10 years since we moved where we are now and she worries about the reaction. So we have a few more things to work through in the month to come.

She does support me being Sarah at home and we agreed that any further steps will need more discussion and hopefully a change in overall climate towards transgender people. Especially since I do want HRT, our discussions will continue.

So - I am lucky to have an understanding wife and I will be working with her to come to a workable agreement for both of us.

[CarlyMcx]

Back in the days when I thought I was a guy fantasizing about being a girl, I used to think I wanted to be a beautiful girl, but keep the male equipment.

But after I came out to my wife, and started wearing panties full time, and bikinis for swimming, I've noticed I really don't like having to tuck, or seeing the bulge, and I fantasize often about how much better things would look if everything was nice and flat down there.

I am only just starting hormones.  If the hormones make things smaller down there, and I have an easier time hiding things in a bikini, then I probably will not get bottom surgery.  My wife and I are still together, and I like women.  Aside from that, bottom surgery is pretty invasive and carries some risk, especially for those of us who (like me) are a bit older.  And then there is the need to dilate every day. 

[sarah1972]

But after I came out to my wife, and started wearing panties full time, and bikinis for swimming, I've noticed I really don't like having to tuck, or seeing the bulge, and I fantasize often about how much better things would look if everything was nice and flat down there.

Fully agree on that one... Don't like tucking and would much rather prefer it to be flat. Only catch I found is that getting accepted for SRS is a pretty lengthy process. And while I do understand the magnitude of such surgery, I am not entirely happy about the "need to live full-time for a year" requirement. If I chose the non-binary route I would still like to get SRS...

And dilating? My constant fantasy is to have girl parts and a nice box full of vibrating toys ;-) - also from what I read, the daily regimen is only in the beginning. after a few month you can reduce the frequency.