What Do Support Groups Do?

[Semira]

I was thinking about putting this in the Support Groups section but it looked like that area was mostly for finding a group and less about discussing it.

Anyways, I've been thinking about climbing out from underneath my rock. I've located a transgender support group within reasonable driving distance but I'm having misgivings. There's a reason why I don't socialize. I just don't function well around people, especially people I don't know. I can get extremely anxious which leads to things like nausea and sweating profusely. My ultimate goal is to find a therapist but since I'm having difficulty in that area I figured a support group would be able to point me in the right direction.

To assuage some of my fears, what does a support group do exactly? I assume talking is involved but I don't know how it is structured or if other activities are likely to be involved. I also hope that I don't have to actually do any talking myself because that would end poorly. I don't know how to interact with people and my voice box burns out fairly quickly (sometimes only a couple hundred words until it starts sounding like I have a soar throat).

[JenniferLopezgomez]

Perhaps attend since it's reasonable driving distance but then simply mostly listen but speak very little ?

U could shake a few hands with nothing more than hi I'm Semira. This way you get a LITTLE BIT of social interaction with sympathetic folks yet you minimize the risks that your social anxieties will kick in. The best of both worlds maybe ?

Plus the info in many real-world support groups is actually quite good. Being around sympathetic folks can help sometimes for sure.

I would say the two main reasons for real-life support groups are to exchange information and to give mutual emotional support. I haven't gone often but when I have I've enjoyed it.

Jennifer xx

[Elis]

I've had the same social anxiety/nerves when it comes to support groups.  My local one requests people to sit in a circle first; do bit of introducing each other then we sit in groups with a discussion topic in mind. Afterwards you can carry on talking to people and go for a drink afterwards or simply choose to leave. I'm sure this is how most run.

The great thing about trans people is that quite a few will be as socially anxious or shy as you; so they'll understand completely if you don't feel like talking or interacting in a group. And they'll definitely be one or two who have either turned up for the first time like you or gone a few times and haven't yet been able to talk to other people.

Hope this helps

[Eleonore]

To assuage some of my fears, what does a support group do exactly? I assume talking is involved but I don't know how it is structured or if other activities are likely to be involved. I also hope that I don't have to actually do any talking myself because that would end poorly.

I know that feeling - I wasn't in a support group either, because I'm just simply not the type of woman who likes support groups. But I'm sure, nobody will force you to talk, so you could maybe just sit there, say your name and listen a little bit...

[Michelle_P]

But I'm sure, nobody will force you to talk, so you could maybe just sit there, say your name and listen a little bit...

Were you in my first support group meeting?  Because this is just what I did!

I wasn't at all sure what to do or say, so after introductions I just listened.  In the next hour, I learned:

1) Lots of information on getting our HMO (this was an HMO-run support group) to pay for treatments, including electrolysis!
2) Who the best electrolysts in the area were.
3) Best places to shop for fittings
4) Upcoming events we might be interested in attending
5) Bathrooms, bills, and such; sort of a community venting
6) Who has had what done; a bit of a free-for-all

I'll talk more at the next one,  really.  I just didn't know what to expect.  It was definitely worth attending.  (And I got an appointment with the best electrolysis place in the discussion...)

[cindianna_jones]

I think most people are shy when they first attend a support group. It is interesting to see how quickly these people engage in the conversation once they are recognized as a real human being.

[JMJW]

Went to a depression group once and it's a talk as much or little as you want kind of deal. Just not so much that no one else can get a turn.

[JoanneB]

From what others in my group have said, all groups have their 'Personalities'. A lot of what a group can do is more what are your expectations?

As far as getting recommendations for T friendly or better health or behavior care recommendations, probably your best bet.

Where I was living, in rural WV between Pittsburgh & DC, trans anything was a good 90 min to 2 hrs away. I'm shy, especially in a group situation with strangers. But there was magic my first meeting. Shock and Awe being in a room filled with others whose life stories were mine. By my third meeting I knew beyond any doubt I needed to be there. Lucky for me there were a couple of angels there to save me during my darkest days

[Asche]

In my experience, support groups generally have similar practices.  Things like:

* There is a facilitator who is responsible for enforcing the rules/guidelines and making sure that everyone has an opportunity to participate.  Ideally, they also keep an eye on how people are doing and step in if it looks like someone is having a hard time with what is going on.
* People sit in a circle and only one person should be speaking at a time.  You're not supposed to have cross- or side conversations.
* The group generally begins and ends with going around the circle and people saying their name, and sometimes their preferrred pronouns and/or some short comment or response to a question.  (E.g., what's your favorite ice cream?)
* People are supposed to use "I" statements and not give advice, judge, or question someone who has spoken.
* What people discuss and reveal in the group is confidential.
* Although not usually made explicit, no one is forced to speak who doesn't want to.  (You might have to listen, though )

In practice, groups vary a lot.  The mix of people and the skill and attitude of the organizer(s) and facilitators make a huge difference.  But this is what is expected.

In my experience, you get people at all points in their transition or non-transition or figuring-out, and a halfway decent group should allow space for all.  It is a good idea to have some idea of what kinds of trans people there are in the world and what the typical concerns and triggers are, but if you've been lurking at Susans for a while, you've probably seen a lot of it.

Being quiet and listening a lot is always a good policy for the first few sessions of any kind of group, and it's true here, too.

My own interest in support groups was originally so I could see what real trans people (esp. trans women) were like, so I could figure out if that was a direction I would be comfortable going in.  Since then, I've been going to find people and groups where I could feel safe talking about all of the confusing and distressing things I'm going through inside.