So what makes a man!

[stephanie_craxford]

Lets see if we can get some discussion going.  Here is the Question:

So what do you think makes the male?

OK, here are the rules:

Only transsexual FtM's should reply, no GM's please.  After the topic seems to running out of steam then the GM's should jump in and add what they think.


Steph

[rana]

Well I reckon male is merely gender.  A man however is one that displays manly qualities.  I have been masquerading as a man for all my adult life and these are what I reckon are essential qualities.
Has to have a sense of humour you know, is upbeat - not inclined to depression or self pity.
Has a sense of fairness - can see the other parties side of things
Can keep these outlooks even when stressed & under pressure
Dosent have to be stoic, but at the same time is not overly prone to public displays of emotion
uses his strength & ability to protect & assist those weaker or less fortunate

There we go, what I try to live by

[Dennis]

Sorry, meant to reply to this yesterday, but had to think about it.

I would say a man is one part of a gender continuum, so there aren't characteristics that every man has and some are closer to the female end and some are closer to the extreme male end.

I would say that the differences between me and women who are closer to the extreme female end are really interests and ways of interacting. Shopping bores me. Girl stuff bores me. I'm not interested in earrings, necklaces, "pretty things".

I think I do have a narrower range of emotions than many women. I don't cry particularly easily. I also think I have a narrower range of emotions than men on the extreme male end of things as well - not easy to anger, for example. As Rana said, more stoic. It's just that for some reason a man who displays anger by raging around and hitting walls isn't seen as as emotional as a woman who cries. I think that's sexism, not an accurate description of gender behaviours.

For any gender difference, you can find someone of the other gender who breaks a "rule". My male friend Terry used to have a pink and frilly house filled with stuffed animals. Yes, he was gay, but he was male. We used to kid him that he had the hopes and aspirations of a 15 year old girl.

I do think my thinking processes are a little different from most women. My behaviours are often what women complain about as "male behaviours" - not paying attention to stuff, failing to appreciate consequences. I also engage in more risk-taking behaviour than many women. But so do some women.

I don't know what that elusive difference is, but I always lived my life as a woman in the way I wanted to - riding motorcycles, skiing down cliffs, dressing in whatever I wanted. And it wasn't enough. I still felt like my body didn't match my mind. I guess the difference now is mostly the way I am perceived. It feels more fitting. It feels like people are seeing me finally.

I'm probably a somewhat unusual man now. I'm certainly not at the extreme male end of the spectrum, but I am also not at the feminine end of it. I guess it's the collective constellation of characteristics, behaviours, and thought patterns that makes me male.

Dennis

[Joseph]

I thought about this for awhile last night.  It goes deeper than interests.  Sure, many men (maybe the majority) want to be strong, slay the dragon and save the princess... be men of action, like Superman or James Bond.  But many men don't fit that mold.  Some men actually like shopping or cross stiching.  And I doubt gay men would want to "save the princess" (though I wouldn't know, not being gay myself.)  Also, many women have interests that ARE considered predominantly male interests, such as sports, woodworking, or working on cars. But I still think women like Mia Hamm are still pretty darn feminine and attractive.

I read somewhere recently (I forget where... the wiki maybe) that gender roles are a cultural/social construct.  I'm sure our definitions of masculinity here in the U.S. differ drastically from definitions in other countries.  Most guys here would feel quite un-masculine wearing a kilt but guys in Scotland seem to think it's fine.  For now I've concluded that to a large extent, being male means you identify yourself as such and would like to be accepted as such in your culture by meeting at least some standard of masculinity.  (Vice versa for females.)  I could imagine that if it was considered masculine to wear hot pink in some hypothetical culture, young boys would want to wear pink over blue.  It sounds oversimplified, I know.  But I think this is why, like Dennis, I can feed most of my interests but still have an overwhelming need to be male physically and to be treated as such. 

I do acknowledge that there are commonalities in gender-definitions across most, if not all cultures.  Men usually have a need for significance, respect, competition, adventure, and the "thrill of the chase" in courting a lover.  From what I've heard, read and observed women usually have a need for feeling beautiful, having meaningful relationships, security, and romance (being pursued by her knight in shining armor).  But this isn't true across the board as many people who are quite secure in their gender-identity don't fulfill all those checkboxes.

Hope that all made some sort of sense.

Joseph

(slightly modified from original after more thought)

[Sophie]

It's hard to say definitively what a man is, especially in today's metrosexual society where very gradually men are beginning to explore our "feminine sides". There are some stereotypical things which apply to me like inattention to appearance (my own or other people's), finding shopping just SO dull and not crying very easily. And yeah, it would be pretty great to be like James Bond, he was actually kind of an idol of mine growing up...
Another thing about men is that generally I don't think we suffer fools gladly. I know I don't. A sense of humour though is essential really. For instance, in many situations when it's easy for women to publicly display emotion when things really get to them, men instead tend to just "laugh it off" or, alternatively, get really angry. I'm not, and don't think I ever could be the kind of guy to lose his temper very easily, though a lot of that is to do with not wanting to make a scene about something which, when I think about it later, didn't really matter that much. I've met a few guys who don't see it like that and tend to get their anger out immediately without necessarily thinking about the consequences, but that's not true of all males of course.
Gender identity is hard to describe. For me, there is a difference between being seen as a tomboy and just being seen as a boy. I don't like being seen as a tomboy because there is a difference which is defined by something deeper within an individual than just interests or appearance.
So what makes a male? Well, just anyone who is comfortable as being seen as such. As many stereotypes as there are, there are probably none which apply to every male. Everyone is different, after all.

[Andre]

Not that I have much experience but will try to reply.
We all have "the other side".Sometimes I cry and need a shelter but also sometimes I would fall in fire to protect a weaker being(guy has strength, but  a mother will also react in that way)...but that makes a human at first place. Society(most  TV,some books) is trying to split roles. That's the main reason,at least in my case, of conflicts.Would we think on aesthetic(HRT,SRS..) if a society would stop with filling our brains with such stereotypic thoughts of distincted roles? One(male or female) should be independent to protect him/herself. When I love somebody-don't care if that person is female or male, words make our relationship. Also I  try to distinguish love,friendship, from "sexual attraction". If one finds both in just one person that's great. All we need is somebody who will respect us, understand us,see us as we feel without trying to change us. I don't mind if a bio guy likes "girly stuffs", or a girl likes football, guns,...
Ps must admit that I'm so glad to meet people with such broad views here,people without prejudices-and just to add:  some mtf  s here have more prominent maternal instinct than some bio females. We're all different-and long live diversity of minds!

Andre
   

[cjbutterfly]

I allways thought it was frogs and snails, and puppy dogs tails, that's what little boys are mafe of........

Seriously though my experience of men has been that they don't have any guts, I can attract them, sometimes, but they don't stick around for long.

[born2learn]

A man is someone that have to do a lot of stuff to take care of his family. Being a protector, help out take care of the family. To set rule and respect within the family. A man is someone that goes the distance to give the best to his family and the one he love.
The inside of a person is what make a person a man, when he have confident in himself and set his goal to be the best and at the same time not only think of himself but the people he care about. A man is the one have to risk it all for his family. A man is someone who not only used muscle but also brain, and respect woman.