I am very happy!

[EllenP]

I am very happy!  Since I came out last week to myself (I have to start somewhere) as a transgender woman I have had so much more inner piece.  Granted, I remain deeply closeted, but that will be another bridge to cross.  This past weekend I read Cindi Jones's Squirrel Cage.  What I took from that were two things.  Complete honesty and goal setting.  I am working on my goals and paths to reach those goals.  As I have a family I will also be taking this slowly.  What is another ten years after I have waited almost 50 years to address my gender dysphoria. 

I see the therapist tomorrow.  Mind you I see the therapist for depression and anxiety, not gender dysphoria.  As of now I am planning to bring up the subject of gender dysphoria tomorrow unless I get cold feet.   After all, these issues have to be related to some degree.  Oh, have I mentioned that I am a DES son/daughter?   

Having spent a lifetime hiding in the testosterone lifestyle, I am now going to start adapting small changes in my behavior so there is a slow indiscernible transformation to Ellen.  Wish me luck!

[nayuki]

That's wonderful.  Everyone takes a first step at one time or another.  Don't be afraid to talk to a professional.  once it is out there you can truly explore all possibilities, and hopefully they can shed some light or at least point you in the right direction.  i was so nervous the first time i told my doctor.  i had sought out a new doctor in order to tell someone.  cause in my mind if it didn't go well i would just never have gone back to see them!  fortunately she was able to refer me and i began my journey.  This actually wasn't the first time i told a doctor.  i was seeing a psychologist who basically asked me some hard questions, because i was pretty much on the fence for the whole thing. as the whole transgender idea was very new to me.  I'm looking forward to see how your visit goes with your therapist!

[EllenP]

Thank you Nayuki.  I am looking forward to seeing if I can do it tomorrow.  I have a number of issues and I can't help but think that most of them are all rolled up into this gender dysphoria.  Anyway, fingers crossed hoping for the best!

[CarlyMcx]

Hi EllenP, it is nice to see another transitioner my age on here.  (I am 53).  You may not need to wait ten years to start living authentically.

I came out to myself in October, 2014, to my wife in March, 2015, started therapy in April, 2016, and started hormones on June 8, 2016.  And even after only two weeks on hormones, I am starting to see subtle changes in my body, and drastic changes (for the better) in my mental outlook.

Hugs, Carly

[JLT1]

Keep posting sister!

Congrats!

Hugs

Jen

[Ms Grace]

As of now I am planning to bring up the subject of gender dysphoria tomorrow unless I get cold feet.   After all, these issues have to be related to some degree.

I know it can be hard and scary to do so, but if you feel a degree of connection to them during your first session I strongly suggest you do tell them. Talking to therapists is as much about trying to figure out how to be true and honest with ourselves as it is them. The majority of therapists want to help and if you are seeing them for depression they will start to dig into the cause of it anyway.

[EllenP]

Thank you for all your support, everyone.  It makes everything so much easier when I know someone somewhere out in the brave world supports me in some fashion.  Ms Grace, I actually have seen this therapist for two years  about 5 years ago.  The question is, can I say "transgender" or "gender dysphoria" loud enough for him to hear?  I hope so. 

[Denise]

Try to be honest with your therapist.  If they are gender issues specialist they can help a ton. 

I have a lot of time to my self while I commute and I have conversations with myself.  When I talk to my therapist I pretend it's myself, but much smarter.

Just a note, I'm 54, came out to my sister I'm October'15 my wife on November 1 and started t-blockers in March with estradiol injections on May 26.  I noticed physical changes to my breast area in 11 days.

Good luck, you are not alone starting after 50.

Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk

[EllenP]

Thank you so much, PJ.  I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow afternoon.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Ellen,
I thought I would add my voice to the other nice ladies here. I am 59 and 14 months ago I was telling my doctor, my first person that I told. I was so scared I had to read my truth from a paper I had written and my hands were shaking. Today I am full time and everyone I know knows about me. It can happen quickly if that is what is right for you. I wish you good luck tomorrow. Remember, it is a tradeoff. Open up and you make yourself a little vulnerable. Clam up and you carry around the weight of the secret even longer. I highly recommend the former.
Moni

[EllenP]

Thank you so much, Moni, for the kind words.  14 months ago, wow, everything fell into place for you.  I hope I can be so lucky

[Barb99]

Hi Ellen,
I thought I would add my voice to the other nice ladies here. I am 59 and 14 months ago I was telling my doctor, my first person that I told. I was so scared I had to read my truth from a paper I had written and my hands were shaking. Today I am full time and everyone I know knows about me. It can happen quickly if that is what is right for you. I wish you good luck tomorrow. Remember, it is a tradeoff. Open up and you make yourself a little vulnerable. Clam up and you carry around the weight of the secret even longer. I highly recommend the former.
Moni

Wow Moni. We have the same story. 15 months ago I walked into an LGBT health center to get started on HRT. I to was very nervous, but I did kind of had a plan to transition and be full time in 2.5 - 3 years, I was going to take it slow.
Well... as of the end of February this year I was full time. I can't believe how quick it went. Once I came out to friends, family and work things just went into fast forward and now here I am planning my GCS for the end of the year.
Opening up to everyone I think was key to my success and happiness.
BTW I'm 60 now.

Good luck to you Ellen, I wish you the best.

Hugs

[Michelle_P]

Hi, Ellen.  I hope this goes well for you.  There are lots of us late bloomer here.  (I'm 62, came out to immediate family 3 1/2 months ago)

[HappyMoni]

Dear Ellen,

Wondering how things went today. Good I hope!

Wow Moni. We have the same story.


Charley

They Charley, we even look similar. Are you sure we aren't the same person? lol
Moni

[EllenP]

Moni, it went great!  As I sat in the waiting room I decided that I wasn't leaving until I outed myself to my therapist.  And I did at the beginning of the session.  Now I can't wait to go back next week and get the show rolling.

[kathb31]

Ellen,
I am so very happy for you. I know the first time I went to see my therapist about 2
years ago, I thought I was going to have a heart attack I was so nervous .. even though
she works with trans clients all the time. I was kind of floored when early in the first
session after pouring out my life story, she just bluntly asked "why don't you just transition
to becoming a woman?"  No one had ever said anything like that to me before and from there
I started down the path with being right in the world. It's certainly not easy at all but coming
out is such an amazing release and having someone you can talk to about almost anything
really helps.

All the best
Kath

[KathyLauren]

Moni, it went great!  As I sat in the waiting room I decided that I wasn't leaving until I outed myself to my therapist.  And I did at the beginning of the session.  Now I can't wait to go back next week and get the show rolling.

Yay!  Way to go, Ellen.  I'm proud of you.

[EllenP]

Thank you so much, KathyLynn.  Declaring myself gender dysphoria was scariest I have ever had to do!  And that was just the first baby step!  I do feel very liberated now, lol.

[RenegadeGirl]

I think that you should be really proud of yourself that you've already taken such a great step forward in just a week!

Have a hug on the house!
Lily