Help Needed: Gender identity issues

[kj2016]

Hello. My name is KJ and I'm 18.
I've been questioning my gender identity for a couple of months now. I'm technically female but most of the time I dress like a boy. I really enjoy looking like a boy because I don't want to look like a girl. I know clothing doesn't determine gender so I've spent some time just thinking about gender and what I'm comfortable with. Sometimes, I'm comfortable saying I'm a woman but a lot of the time I'm not. I know I'm not trans because I don't want to be a guy. I feel like this leaves me with either genderfluid or agender.
My 'issue' so to speak is that agender seems to imply a lack of gender while I seem to move between the two extremes of both genders. I'm either a total guy or a complete girl (though dressing as a girl is much more rare). I've thought about being both genders, but I don't want to be a guy.
I guess I have two questions: is there a term I'm missing that could describe what I'm feeling? Also, if you are non-binary, how did you figure it out?
Thanks!

[Elis]

I would say you're gender fluid or gender queer. Non binary fits under the transgender umbrella too; you don't have to either be ftm or mtf to be trans.

Me figuring out I was slightly nb was hard. When I first learned that trans existed when I was 19 I thought I may be gender queer as I didn't realise other nb labels existed. I couldn't imagine that I'd be ftm; what are the chances. After a few months I realised I was trans male because I didn't feel female at all and wanted a man's body; being referred as female always made me extremely uncomfortable (although trans man never felt like it quite fit either). After some time I decided I want T to achieve this and at 21 I finally started T. After much struggling I've realised I feel around 10% agender and the rest male. I want/need a more androgynous appearance.  I'm ok with facial hair but don't want a very masculine looking body with a lot of hair and muscle. I like feminine as well as masculine clothing. I'd feel more comfortable I think with gender neutral pronouns but find it easier simply for people to use he. I still strongly dislike how I don't fit I'm with most other people but it is what it is.

So yeah; don't feel you need to rush to find a label. You have years to figure it all out. Welcome to the forum as well

[Tristyn]

Hello. My name is KJ and I'm 18.
I've been questioning my gender identity for a couple of months now. I'm technically female but most of the time I dress like a boy. I really enjoy looking like a boy because I don't want to look like a girl. I know clothing doesn't determine gender so I've spent some time just thinking about gender and what I'm comfortable with. Sometimes, I'm comfortable saying I'm a woman but a lot of the time I'm not. I know I'm not trans because I don't want to be a guy. I feel like this leaves me with either genderfluid or agender.
My 'issue' so to speak is that agender seems to imply a lack of gender while I seem to move between the two extremes of both genders. I'm either a total guy or a complete girl (though dressing as a girl is much more rare). I've thought about being both genders, but I don't want to be a guy.
I guess I have two questions: is there a term I'm missing that could describe what I'm feeling? Also, if you are non-binary, how did you figure it out?
Thanks!

Could it be that you are bi-gender? From what you describe, that would sound about right. But that is up to you to decide.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I agree that from what you describe you sound non binary gender fluid favoring the feminine side. You will have to decide for yourself and a gender therapist might be able to help but for now I have some links for you to look at. The first is our WIKI where you will see the terms that describe transgender and non binary. The next 3 links are ones covering the non binary and gender fluid. The conversation may match what you feel. If I can help you further, let me know.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

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[Elis]

I found the word demiboy yesterday which seems to be the word I was looking for to describe me. Something to consider. There's also demigirls as well.

[Kacchon]

I don't think there is any rush for you to label yourself. You seem to have a good grasp of what your gender feels to you, naming gender seems to be the hard part. For me, I knew I was nb but something didn't feel right, I don't drift between male or female I always feel a mix of both at the same time. Thats when I came across the term androgyne and it felt like something clicked. Just take the time you need to explore all the different types of nb genders, you'll know when you find the right one but don't feel pressured into fitting into a box. Sometimes labels are helpful but they can be restrictive too.

[Satinjoy]

Dont limit yourselves.  You could miss the good parts.

Be all of you.