"Someone Opened the Floodgate."

[Peggiann]

Flooding mind with who knows what...

Here's a look at some things that some may experience.
The other woman was something some women may think they could handle. I mean they can fight back for what they might feel they are loosing their man to if it were in fact another woman.

But ummm. Now it's another woman in the man's body she has always loved. When that woman is all in dress as a woman, can she feel as loving? Can she not be jealous? Can she accept this woman that can wear the size clothes she has always wanted and the style that has not looked right on her, now looks great on this Other Woman that has invaded her space?

How sharing can you be with this Other Woman? Ummm I thought I left that top in the hanging in the closet and I find it on a chair in the dinning room. Strange. Or there's a smudge in my make up that wasn't there before I know I didn't do. Or she's taking off the LBS. faster than you and it's not fair. Umm...competition. Healthy or not healthy?

If that so and so kept this from me what else haven't I been told? Over the years has there really been someone else when I thought there was, but had now real proof. Is this woman in her really who that was? All those times?

I don't get to buy me the things I want because I'm Normal and have been all my life. So why should this new woman in my world be able to before I am?

I like being treated as the special lady in our home. I don't think I like another sharing that space with me.

Can I become friends with this woman that is taking my man away?

Do I stay because I have nowhere else to go? I've wondered does it all boil down to convenience... no work experience I've always stayed at home taking care of it and our children...I have always been taken care of. Or do I really Love this other person too and can't be with out them?

These I feel some may relate to. I hope I've opened you mind and heart to feel and share what it is that have flooded through your mind as you found out about your truly special Life's Partner. It's not easy and it's ok to feel any thing you feel. It's how you act on those feeling that matters. You can share here. Maybe get some insight to your feelings. Or maybe just that someone else has thought them and your not alone. Or what you share maybe someone else will see they aren't alone either.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[stephanie_craxford]

Great post Peggiann, I'm going to get Gillian to read this and get her point of view, and maybe post a reply.

Steph

[Shelley]

Hey Peggian,

Some I've been exposed to some not. It makes me wonder a bit about what she is thinking now.

Shelley

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Peggiann,

Gillian read your post and although she won't join Susan's so that she could reply, she said that she does agree with everything you said.  In her words "there are times when I think that my whole life has been stollen from me".

Steph

[molly]

Peggiann:  Thank you for sharing another persepctive on the coming out process.  Right now I am thinking about how I am going to come out to my wife and as I mentally prepare it is good to remember the process is a two way street.  I need to learn about what my wife will be feeling, here I am sharing a "secret" with her, and your right, she is entitled to feel however she feels.  She will need my compassion as much as I need hers.

Molly

[Sheila]

Like Stephs wife, my wife will not get on the computer. She did have the same feelings that Peggiann had or talked about except for one. She never thought that I was cheating on her. I would never do that and it has never in our 36 years of marriage come up to me that I would find another person. My wife and I have a very good friendship right now. There is no sexual intimacy, but we hug some. We both agree that we could not live with someone else, we are both too onrie. I have been living fulltime as a woman around 5or6 years now and have been crossdressing with her knowledge over 15 years now. Peggiann, you bring up good points for the SO.
Sheila

[Sarah Louise]

Stephanie, that is exactly one of the things my wife said.  That her man and life had been stolen from her by the person I have become.

I agree with PeggiAnn also, it isn't easy for our SO's to understand or accept right off, something that we have been living for all of our lives.   Even if we have told them before we married, they still feel betrayed when we go fulltime.

Sarah L.

[LostInTime]

Good post.

When I was married (short time, very short time) my now ex wife told me, after she had moved out, that she felt like she had to compete with me like all of the women that are out there.  I have found that to be an incredibly sad thing, to feel like you have to compete with all of the other women out in the world.

[Peggiann]

You know I have to agree.

I have found that to be an incredibly sad thing, to feel like you have to compete with all of the other women out in the world.

I don't seem to have these issues with Leah myself. Leah and I kicked different frames of mind back and forth think of how some one might feel.

I think part of the reason for why I don't feel the need to compete with her or threatened by her is because I am content with me as a person. I think the self esteme level is very much a factor in how someone would come to grips with how they accept issues such as these.

Leah has made me feel very safe in our life together and even as we move forword down her/my journey in transition for her, she continues to reinforce my needs of feeling secure.

We have realized through all of you that post here that a transition is when you make a change from one thing to another, a growing or evolving process. I will be making in transitions in our relationship that will either go along with or accept and support Leah' Transition. I think I can only do this through having a good understanding of who I am and how I fit in to Leah's world and also society, my purpose for being my role day to day.

As for women having to compete with all the other women out there idea... I think we all want to be the best we can be in ourselves and of ourselve. In this respect it can be healthy. taken too far it can be devistating to oneself and to those in the world around them. But there again I would think it's a lack of self esteme in an individual.

There is possibly the Male animal instinct part that may come in to play some that would cause part of it as well. Women can be happy with one partner and are connected more than just physically to that partner. Where as men as a whole can be attracted to many partners. Then that issue for the woman involved may become that of can she trust his self contriol for the sake of there relationship? Is his love strong enough to conquer urge? Which then Challenges her  belief in herself to be all she needs and can be for her partner to make him be loyal?

Smiles,
Peggiann

[Alison]

No you aren't alone feeling this way at all...  When your spouse (brother, father, sister, really anyone you care about) changes THEIR gender identity, it really changes YOUR identity too.... You used to be a straight woman, married to a man, well, now you're leading a lesbian relationship... sometimes its a pretty big pill to swollow...

I've sorta skirted away from this board the past few months, some because I've just been plain busy,  but also because I'm trying to iron everything out in my head, and I know my significant other reads the posts here, and I don't want her to feel bad. 

But I DO know how you feel about jealosy,  I'm a plump size 24-26, and shes a slender 14... with a small belly.... but she feels -fat-.. and she tells me so fairly constantly... and I outweigh her by over 100 lbs... so yeah, theres some jealosy there...

Unfortunetly, -most- women are really competitive with each other, I've never personally understood it, Most of the time, my jealosy is kept in check,  It only really pops out when its really thrust out there... (Such as her complaining about her weight and size, when I'm quite a bit bigger.)

The whole thing is an evolving -process-... For me it was a learning process on SO many levels... I never wore makeup myself... the first time I used it, I was using it on my "husband".... that was weird... 

Just a note, I want to reply to
Molly-  The key to coming out to your wife, is just be honest with her,  tell her sooner rather then later,  the biggest regret (Really the only regret) I have with Jaycie's transition is she didn't tell me sooner... It DID take me a long time to become 100% comfortable, and I asked a thousand questions, including "are you SURE you aren't gay??!" about 75 times.... I was REALLY afraid I'd lose her to a man... She was patient, answered everything, a million times... assured me she loved me and isn't, and has never been attracted to men, that isn't an issue, and slowly it became ok... my brain started to wrap around the idea and it was easier to understand....  But give her time... she WILL need it.... and be availible if she needs to talk, or vent, or ask questions...   and good luck!

[Peggiann]

 When your spouse (brother, father, sister, really anyone you care about) changes THEIR gender identity, it really changes YOUR identity too.... You used to be a straight woman, married to a man, well, now you're leading a lesbian relationship... sometimes its a pretty big pill to swollow...

Yes this part can be very un nerving.

I've sorta skirted away from this board the past few months, some because I've just been plain busy,  but also because I'm trying to iron everything out in my head, and I know my significant other reads the posts here, and I don't want her to feel bad. 

Personal Message me anytime you need to. Or email what ever you choose.

  I'm a plump size 24-26,
I have been there before too. It's very hard to feel good when styles don't fit right because of it. and the limited selection... not good.

but she feels -fat-.. and she tells me so fairly constantly... and I outweigh her by over 100 lbs... so yeah, theres some jealosy there...

Have you shared that with her. She needs to be understanding in this for you too. You need to be Fair to yourself and Firm and Freindly too yourself too. Tell her how you feel. It's important not to over do the catering to all her issues with out the balance going both ways. Make sure you are being considered when she speeks like this.

The whole thing is an evolving -process-... For me it was a learning process on SO many levels... I never wore makeup myself... the first time I used it, I was using it on my "husband".... that was weird... 

I had to grin at this one. It made me think abck at the first time I wore make up and how for I've come since that day.

Do PM or Email me when ever you need to talk. don't be a strange here it helps having other SO's to talk with.

Smile,
Peggiann