Weird moment with my family

[Hannah Samira]

So yesterday my grandparents were visiting. They're you're typical 'not-quite-racist-but-generally-politically-incorrect' type of grandparents.

At one point they were talking about how on the radio they heard a school where I live is trying to remove gender binaries. My Nan rather angrily pointed out that this means boys will have to wear skirts for uniform and all the toilets will be unisex. My sister argued that this school is probably "for kids who like doing that kind of thing". I'm biting my lip and keeping quite all through this.

(I'm know this is boring but I'm getting there!!)

This made my Grandad mention how he read in the newspaper about a woman with twin little boys and one of them only wears girls clothes and now goes to school as a girl. My Nan chipped in and argued that the boy couldn't possibly know at his age if he wanted to do that to which my Grandad replied that the mum said he was always moody and unhappy when he had to look like a boy.

At this point my Grandad looked at me, pointed, and said loudly "Well that must be your problem then!!"

I swear my heart nearly jumped right out of my body!! For a split second nobody realised he was joking either and everyone just looked at him confused. There was a moment where I was thinking "Wait?? They know!?!"I must have looked so confused and panicked and I didn't know what to do.

Then my sister let out a little chuckle and the conversation went back to normal.

I know it's not the most exciting thing that's ever happened but it just amazed me how without knowing it my Grandparents had not only hit the nail on the head with how I'm feeling but also come so close to outing me to everyone!!

[stephaniec]

well, that would of been a great opportunity to spill the beans.

[Denise]

Thanks.  I needed a laugh today.  I'm sure you weren't laughing when it was happening, but now?  I hope you are.  That was priceless.

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[Hannah Samira]

well, that would of been a great opportunity to spill the beans.

Nope, not in my family!!

Thanks.  I needed a laugh today.  I'm sure you weren't laughing when it was happening, but now?  I hope you are.  That was priceless.

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Glad it made you laugh

[RobynD]

I think our families, being among those who know us best and often have a bias toward loving us, pick up on things that we do not think they do. Of course they have to process all of that through their own cultural belief system.

I wish i'd had a $1 every time someone probed about my femininity as a young person. It didn't matter that i played football, lifted weights a lot etc. many traditionally masculine things. They still picked up on it.

[stephaniec]

My mom use to take my sisters slip off me when I fell asleep with it on at night when no one was looking

[KyleeKrow]

I sort of had something similar happen last month. We were at my grandpa's who's SUPER right wing, and his wife's family was there as well, and they're pretty right wing also. I hadn't really since them since I had just started HRT. So I was in guy mode and we were having pizza and I was holding my plate in one hand while eating with the other. Then all of a sudden somebody says I look different but can't quite tell what it is, and then EVERYBODY just starts staring at me for what was probably a solid infinite amount of time. Meanwhile I'm slowly bringing my plate up to hide my chest. Thankfully my mom stepped in and just said that I had lost weight (which was true) and they seemed content with that. Needless to say, I hung out in the other room where there weren't really any people just in case after that.

[KathyLauren]

Nope, not in my family!!

However, when you are ready to come out, it gives you a great intro.  "Remember when Granddad said...  Well, he was right!"

[Hannah Samira]

However, when you are ready to come out, it gives you a great intro.  "Remember when Granddad said...  Well, he was right!"

Ohh that's true!! I never thought of it like that!!

[Denise]

Humor can help break the tension.  I try to have an anicdote like that for everyone I tell.  After a few minutes I bring it up and Everytime it lightens the mood and opens them up to tell other stories.  Once that starts you are golden.  Things, at least for me, go well after that. 

I'm batting 100% acceptance with over 20 people I've told that way.

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[alex82]

Ohh that's true!! I never thought of it like that!!

You are such a pretty little thing. Do it sooner rather than later. I wish I had.

Do you want your girlfriend as a girlfriend? Or as a friend?

Where are you anyway? The US or the UK? Well they're both the same really - 50% anti fact inbreds - either getting ready to vote Trump or vote Brexit. Either way, get out in London or New York and live your life, your way.

If your religion is important to you, remember that the Iranian ayatollahs sanction sex changes (albeit for largely the wrong reasons) - so if they can get their heads around it, anyone can.

[Hannah Samira]

You are such a pretty little thing. Do it sooner rather than later. I wish I had.

Do you want your girlfriend as a girlfriend? Or as a friend?

Where are you anyway? The US or the UK? Well they're both the same really - 50% anti fact inbreds - either getting ready to vote Trump or vote Brexit. Either way, get out in London or New York and live your life, your way.

If your religion is important to you, remember that the Iranian ayatollahs sanction sex changes (albeit for largely the wrong reasons) - so if they can get their heads around it, anyone can.

Aww thank you hahaha Ok let me have a crack at these questions!!

I want my girlfriend as my girlfriend, but I do wish I'd had more experience with the other sex and still crave it a little sometimes. We have spoken about that and she has said she would stay as my friend if I transition but she obviously hopes I won't (she said she feels guilty and selfish for that but I keep reassuring her that its obviously a natural reaction).

I'm in the UK and, as a student of German and Politics, I can completely agree with what you said I think getting out in London would be a bit scary, but I get why you think I should start there.

I've seen the youtube videos about the Iranian sex changes and I have to say I'm at peace with my religion, my biggest problem is the reaction of my family and friends and society in general. I know everyone says that people are often more accepting than they thought they would be but I know for a fact that my family will not approve (massive understatement).

[alex82]

Aww thank you hahaha Ok let me have a crack at these questions!!

I want my girlfriend as my girlfriend, but I do wish I'd had more experience with the other sex and still crave it a little sometimes. We have spoken about that and she has said she would stay as my friend if I transition but she obviously hopes I won't (she said she feels guilty and selfish for that but I keep reassuring her that its obviously a natural reaction).

I'm in the UK and, as a student of German and Politics, I can completely agree with what you said I think getting out in London would be a bit scary, but I get why you think I should start there.

I've seen the youtube videos about the Iranian sex changes and I have to say I'm at peace with my religion, my biggest problem is the reaction of my family and friends and society in general. I know everyone says that people are often more accepting than they thought they would be but I know for a fact that my family will not approve (massive understatement).

That sounds wonderful - you have a friend for life there.

A great degree - do Erasmus if you can - Germany is amazing, I lived in Berlin for a year. Yes, backward times politically - I'm really quite worried. If the Brexiteers get their way and trash our currency, my conversion rates for surgery abroad are going to leave me broke. Not that that's my only concern, but it is one of them. Can you imagine what next Friday morning will be like if they win? Could Boris and Nigel get any more smug. Doesn't bear thinking about - and that's before we get to what they'll rip out of the NHS budget.

I left London for uni - both times - undergrad (mistake - probably) and postgrad (working out well, touchwood). I remember being halfway through my undergrad and getting back for Christmas and thinking 'why did I leave?' - and oh god, all these people are freaking me out! Lasts about 10 minutes, but it's quite something to be standing on a Piccadilly line platform on Christmas week after you've been out of it for months.

Well, money - that's why I went to uni outside, you know London - everything that costs £50 everywhere else costs £200 there, and I thought I'd have a better time if I left for uni anyway. Kind of did, on balance. But if I'd just stayed home, who knows.

Yes family and friends is the thing. Society - who cares! I had a Pakistani guy round a couple of years ago who burst into tears - I was relieved really - got me out of gay sex. He was adamant that there was no such thing as a Pakistani lesbian. So I said, let's find one for you, and you can have a friend who shares everything, and your parents will be happy. We did find one. Actually we found several, who paraded through my flat until he found a like-minded one. They're now married, and his parents have their grandchild. He wasn't trans, he was gay but it goes to show, there's a solution for everything, and one that doesn't have to leave people in the lurch.

[SashaGrace]

Uh oh!! Nearly though With time it'll all work out I'm sure. Fingers crossed you can work things out with Mrs Hannah (remember you talking to me about it ages back!!) one way or the other as it doesn't help for bad feelings to bubble over despite smiley faces, know how that feels from past experience before meeting my wife. I was in a similar situation when I was in college whilst dating a guy as it was just something that happened. We ended up being friends in the end and have since lost touch. Wasn't as good as I thought it would be tbh even though it was a 14 month long relationship of sorts

My Grandparents didn't react so well, in fact I was scowled at the whole time I attended their funerals after I was told not to contact my mother!! Amazing how time changes things though, my mother is coming to our wedding service!! (We are already married legally but are having a proper reception and service in 6 weeks) Though she'd better buck her ideas up soon after missing my final fitting last week!! Not impressed but not surprised, it's important to handle the family better than I did for everybody's sake Just need to sort my hair out for the day now...


So much to do!

[Hannah Samira]

That sounds wonderful - you have a friend for life there.

A great degree - do Erasmus if you can - Germany is amazing, I lived in Berlin for a year. Yes, backward times politically - I'm really quite worried. If the Brexiteers get their way and trash our currency, my conversion rates for surgery abroad are going to leave me broke. Not that that's my only concern, but it is one of them. Can you imagine what next Friday morning will be like if they win? Could Boris and Nigel get any more smug. Doesn't bear thinking about - and that's before we get to what they'll rip out of the NHS budget.

I left London for uni - both times - undergrad (mistake - probably) and postgrad (working out well, touchwood). I remember being halfway through my undergrad and getting back for Christmas and thinking 'why did I leave?' - and oh god, all these people are freaking me out! Lasts about 10 minutes, but it's quite something to be standing on a Piccadilly line platform on Christmas week after you've been out of it for months.

Well, money - that's why I went to uni outside, you know London - everything that costs £50 everywhere else costs £200 there, and I thought I'd have a better time if I left for uni anyway. Kind of did, on balance. But if I'd just stayed home, who knows.

Yes family and friends is the thing. Society - who cares! I had a Pakistani guy round a couple of years ago who burst into tears - I was relieved really - got me out of gay sex. He was adamant that there was no such thing as a Pakistani lesbian. So I said, let's find one for you, and you can have a friend who shares everything, and your parents will be happy. We did find one. Actually we found several, who paraded through my flat until he found a like-minded one. They're now married, and his parents have their grandchild. He wasn't trans, he was gay but it goes to show, there's a solution for everything, and one that doesn't have to leave people in the lurch.

Yeah my uni is on the erasmus program so that's why I'm going I'm not bearing to think about it tbh, I've not been able to watch the news for the past week because of Brexit, Orlando, Christina Grimmie and Jo Cox - the world's gone to ****.

I go to uni in Nottingham but my home is in Northampton so I'm always in one or the other, both are good for prices but Nottingham is by far the better of the two!! Plus they have a gender clinic within walking distance from my flat so hopefully I'll be able to exploit that after my year abroad!!

Your story about your Pakistani friend is interesting but I don't quite understand what happened?? Why was he crying?? He's gay but married a Pakistani lesbian?? I'm confused!!

Uh oh!! Nearly though With time it'll all work out I'm sure. Fingers crossed you can work things out with Mrs Hannah (remember you talking to me about it ages back!!) one way or the other as it doesn't help for bad feelings to bubble over despite smiley faces, know how that feels from past experience before meeting my wife. I was in a similar situation when I was in college whilst dating a guy as it was just something that happened. We ended up being friends in the end and have since lost touch. Wasn't as good as I thought it would be tbh even though it was a 14 month long relationship of sorts

My Grandparents didn't react so well, in fact I was scowled at the whole time I attended their funerals after I was told not to contact my mother!! Amazing how time changes things though, my mother is coming to our wedding service!! (We are already married legally but are having a proper reception and service in 6 weeks) Though she'd better buck her ideas up soon after missing my final fitting last week!! Not impressed but not surprised, it's important to handle the family better than I did for everybody's sake Just need to sort my hair out for the day now...


So much to do!

Heyy!! Yeah things are going well with her to be honest!! She quite often does my makeup and encourages me to dress up and stuff so I'm glad she's so accepting

I know my grandparents wouldn't react well either. None of my family will.

Awww that's so cute, congratulations!! I can't wait to see the photos of that!! x

[SashaGrace]

Sounds fun haha, trying not to expand my makeup collection again!! I have too much and I need to get through it all but temptation!!

Will provide plenty of pics after the event

You look great btw!!

[alex82]

Yeah my uni is on the erasmus program so that's why I'm going I'm not bearing to think about it tbh, I've not been able to watch the news for the past week because of Brexit, Orlando, Christina Grimmie and Jo Cox - the world's gone to ****.

I go to uni in Nottingham but my home is in Northampton so I'm always in one or the other, both are good for prices but Nottingham is by far the better of the two!! Plus they have a gender clinic within walking distance from my flat so hopefully I'll be able to exploit that after my year abroad!!

Your story about your Pakistani friend is interesting but I don't quite understand what happened?? Why was he crying?? He's gay but married a Pakistani lesbian?? I'm confused!!

Heyy!! Yeah things are going well with her to be honest!! She quite often does my makeup and encourages me to dress up and stuff so I'm glad she's so accepting

I know my grandparents wouldn't react well either. None of my family will.

Awww that's so cute, congratulations!! I can't wait to see the photos of that!! x

Yes, I'm so upset about Jo Cox. I can't imagine her terror in those final few seconds. Absolutely brutal. Someone who'd done so much good. The pictures of her with her toddlers, on the Thames less than 24 hours before are just heartbreaking.

Sorry, I'd had a couple of glasses of wine when I wrote that. Basically I meant, there's a relationship type that will work for you. Don't even concern yourself about not having much experience - that's what 20 is all about. The decade ahead is for clocking up experience.

Yes, I noticed that Nottingham had a clinic. You can self refer - probably do it now, so you're coming to the top of the waiting list when you get back from Germany. Because they are long lists, and you'll have to see them eventually, even if you are going private for a lot of it.

[Hannah Samira]

Sounds fun haha, trying not to expand my makeup collection again!! I have too much and I need to get through it all but temptation!!

Will provide plenty of pics after the event

You look great btw!!

Haha you can never have too much makeup

I can't wait!! I hope you have an amazing day!!

Aww haha thank you xD x

Yes, I noticed that Nottingham had a clinic. You can self refer - probably do it now, so you're coming to the top of the waiting list when you get back from Germany. Because they are long lists, and you'll have to see them eventually, even if you are going private for a lot of it.

I rang them yesterday - the waiting list is 16 months and you can't self refer so I'll have to try and make an appointment with my GP this week!!

[SashaGrace]

That's what I said!! Didn't go down well

From memory my first GIC appointment at Charring Cross GIC took about 22 months from the first time I went into the GP to being seen. It's all painfully slow but practically the only way to get the legal side done!! Xx

[alex82]

Haha you can never have too much makeup

I can't wait!! I hope you have an amazing day!!

Aww haha thank you xD x

I rang them yesterday - the waiting list is 16 months and you can't self refer so I'll have to try and make an appointment with my GP this week!!

Oh god. I did self refer, and booked a private appointment to start things off - having checked first that it wouldn't prejudice me accessing NHS resources, and then ended up telling my NHS GP the following week anyway.

Yes, 16 months was what I was told. Their guidelines say no longer than 7 months. It's a ridiculous time to wait for an official 'diagnosis' that they could start working towards, so I increased my overdraft to go privately.

Over a year is an absolute joke. My private specialist is one of the best - if you can travel and pay, I'm happy to tell you who she is via PM, and my NHS GP is quite pushy - so I've got the legal and mandatory psychiatry 'I'm not just a nutter' side of things done. And the fertility side of things is being done. They were happy to start prescribing hormones by now, but I can't until that's fixed.

He's also very happy to work to her schedule and guidelines, which was what I worried they wouldn't do. Everything she's asked for, he's done. She doesn't leave any doubt - he read her latest letter to him about me while I was there, and the clarity was impressive - can you please get this, this, and this, explicitly, by date.