Dilation and penis in vagina sex

[Lauren O]

Hi all, six months post op now and have a couple of questions. I dilate daily with the third dilator for around an hour, doing all the circular stirring motion plus contrast pressure thingies were supposed to do. I can't make the leap to the fourth dilator yet as it's a big size jump and just won't fit no matter how much stretching I do.
I was wondering when you ladies were able to actually take a penis vaginally in your dilation journey? I'm struggling to see how I will ever manage to get one in me unless he's very small. I have great depth and everything. Just curious about how long it took others to actually start having sex after surgery. From what I've seen an average penis is as big as my fourth dilator so I'm not there yet.

[Brenda80]

The skin takes time to stretch depending on individual skin elasticity, don't rush it if your skin is not ready to accommodate yet else you risk having skin abrasion or tear. I managed size 4 3months post op with diligent dilation well most of the time at least keeping each session to an hour half 2 to 3 times a day.
For intercourse, 3 key factors i would say - relax, comfortable and slow.
Of course lubrication is very important.

[GoneGrl]

Someone can correct me on this but I recently tried dilation with Vaseline and was able to make strides in my depth.

Now it could just be a fluke and keep in mind I had my SRS in 1992 so my vag is pretty beaten up  :kee kee:    I had a ton of sex when I was young.

I just experimented the last couple of weeks after reading up so much on Cocoa Butter and Vaseline so thought I'd try it.  I have a very very sensitive cervix (that's what I call the top of my vaginal channel :kee kee:  ) so when I hit that top area it's hurts but no longer a "Hard" resistance.

[Dena]

Vaseline isn't a good idea because there isn't a good way to clean it out afterward. In addition it can attack dilators and over time cause the to break down.

As for Cocoa Butter or Palm oil, they can have the same problem as Vaseline and bacteria might be able to use it as food. The only recommended thing is something like KY jelly. There are other brands out there and some are better than others. I have found that this one works pretty good and it doesn't cost much.

[Lisa_K]

Just curious about how long it took others to actually start having sex after surgery. From what I've seen an average penis is as big as my fourth dilator so I'm not there yet.

I don't remember how long it was before I had PIV sex but I'm thinking it was maybe a year and a half until the right opportunity came along?

So, #4 dilator... is that the biggest Soul Source orange one? That's what I use and penis size is and kind of always has been a concern. What if he's too big? That takes the fun right out of things and I don't have a lot of depth to work with... maybe a skosh over 5" and getting bottomed out is most unpleasant. I might be able to take a little more girth than my 1.5" diameter dilator but depth is a finite resource in my case so I've learned to work with what I've got and still have a good time with guys of average size.

Not to be discouraging because I'm sure you'll get there but if I was using anything less than #4, I probably wouldn't even think about having PIV sex with a guy because I'd be too afraid it was going to hurt. It's a shame you can't just request their dimensions before you get involved because being sexually incompatible for physical reasons can be a real deal breaker.

I'm kind of in that boat right now and struggling to deal with things. There's a guy I really like and have become involved with, make that way too involved with for like the last 8 months without knowing how our bodies fit together and am going to be really unhappy if they don't. When I was young, it was have sex and then maybe work on the relationship but now it seems I'm drawing from the old folks retirement home* that want to have the relationship part come first. It sucks to do that only to find out the sex doesn't work because he's hung like a horse. (*not really, he's 48. Turning 64 in about a month makes me the old fart!)

I can say, that since I have a very old vagina maybe the Vaseline is a welcome?

Vaseline? In your vagina? When I first read that all I could think about was you've got to be kidding because I couldn't fathom putting that inside of me. Heck, I think even KY Jelly and Astroglide type products are pretty gross and leave me with that less than springtime fresh feeling. I've used Premarin vaginal cream in the past and hated the goop and residue it left too.

These days I'm all about using virgin unrefined organic coconut oil for dilating with a couple drops of the water based KY Ultragel that's more of a liquid than a gel but very light and slippy. Using coconut oil took me a while to figure out because depending on temperature, it's either a solid or a liquid and how to get it inside of me was inconsistent and just trying to coat the dilator alone really didn't seem provide enough lubrication. Hmmm?

This may sound weird but here is how I solved that problem and how I currently use coconut oil. I took the top off a round lipstick or concealer stick and use it as a mold. I fill it with liquid coconut oil and gently put it in the freezer without tipping it over and leave it a couple hours or overnight to really harden. Then I run it under hot water for a few seconds and tap out my little stick of coconut oil that looks like an ice drilling core about the size of my little finger.

Then I use a warmed knife to cut it into about ½" sections shaped like little barrels and put them in a storage container and back in the freezer ready for use. When I dilate, I'll take one of little plugs of frozen coconut oil and push it inside of me as far as my longest finger can reach and it self-lubricates as it goes then I have to act fast as it almost immediately melts, turns into a liquid again and will run out. I then sparingly use a couple drops of the KY Ultragel mostly to counter any external friction at the vaginal opening, push some maybe ½ inch inside with my finger and insert my unlubricated lovely orange dilator before the coconut oil escapes. Yes, sticking something frozen inside of you sounds weird but it is a very interesting, unusual and not entirely unpleasant sensation that only lasts a few seconds. Who even knew that you could sense something cold in there?

When I'm done dilating, most of the coconut oil has vanished but usually there is a bit that does run out but I've always liked this as it sort of washes out any gunk that may have been in there. Cleanup is as simple as wiping with a dry dish towel and I'm not left feeling there's something sticky and unnatural like KY jelly left inside of me. It keeps my kitty happy for a few days.

I try to dilate once a week or every other week or recently it was two months (ouch) but if I have a feeling of dryness or just not feeling right in between, I'll use one of my little frozen coconut oil pieces and wear an old pair of undies with a liner for an hour or so until what doesn't get absorbed leaks out. It's both cleansing and moisturizing. I wouldn't even ever consider douching with water as this is a super effective way of doing basically the same thing plus it leaves things feeling so much better. Coconut oil works for dry hands too and makes a great occasional hair mask.

I have found this very compatible with my body and have been using coconut oil this way for about two years. It doesn't appear to ever have affected my vaginal flora but you might have a slight hint of coconut for half an hour or so but after that, it just leaves a nice feeling of softness and natural moisture and doesn't feel oily or sticky.

It's not good with Latex condoms though so plan accordingly.

Oh yeah, @GoneGrl... betcha mine's older! She'll be 42 in a bit over six months from now and has seen more than her fair share of usage!