Finding it hard to fit in as non binary

[BirlPower]

Of course there's nothing wrong with being nb! Be proud of your own unique identity. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not your duty to make everyone else comfortable.

I know all of this is true and tell myself all the time. Unfortunately the feelings of embarrassment and shame remain, so it is about how we feel and not about pleasing others. The phrase "internalised transphobia" is used around here and for me it is the best explanation for the disconnect between what I know and how I feel. So in the end I think we need to conquer our own feelings about ourselves and I suspect the relevance of other people's opinions would fall into perspective. i.e. they wouldn't matter at all.

Hugs

B

[MxEnby]

I too come from an entirely cis family, of Irish Catholic background. While not practicing, and holding some fairly liberal theological positions, my mum's still a bit awkward on LGBT rights. While she accepts being LGBT as normal, she refuses to accept my bisexuality, calling it a "phase", and no doubt would call my being genderqueer a phase (despite me being in my mid-20s). She does know about my penchant for dressing in masculine clothes and says she doesn't like it, but she's not stopping me from doing it. And she's mostly stopped recently. I think it has a lot to do with my brother's girlfriend who, despite identifying primarily as female, also considers herself genderfluid. My brother recently brought up "Mx. E could be genderfluid" when my mum decided to ask why I like both masculine and feminine stuff when she thinks it's impossible. And you know what, he's kinda right. So I hope my family will become more accepting over time, particularly as I've ramped up the whole androgynous thing recently.

[RedfootDaddy]

I'm having difficulty with this as well. Partly because I am constantly doubting myself that I actually am non-binary and that I'm actually just ornery. But i feel like a big part of it is that the binary is so entrenched in society. I'm not seen as a genderqueer person, I'm a girl wearing boy's clothes. A butch dyke, maybe (bless you OITNB for Big Boo). It would be easier if I was a girl wearing boy's clothing. The prospect of having to explain, over and over and over, how your core self is about sixty degrees off 'normal' just feels exhausting and painful.

[j-unique]

The prospect of having to explain, over and over and over, how your core self is about sixty degrees off 'normal' just feels exhausting and painful.

It is exhausting and painful... but at least for me, there's no alternative. I won't hide or redefine myself just to please other people. And there are supportive people, too.

[SpeakYourMind]

HI all

I've identified as non binary for some time now and although I'm ok with this as is my family, how do I fit being non binary in cis gendered rigid society. I'm physically M but present as a mix F/M but often I struggle almost daily as to how I can be non binary in a society that judges on how you look, I feel embarrassed to be how I want to be although I know there's nothing wrong with being non binary - how can I overcome these issues in which I'm sure lots of other non binary people have also.

I started saying i was FTM because i got tired of having to explain i had a Agender side and then having to explain i'm also a guy it flipped peoples minds to much so in the end i picked to explain one way although that doesn't change my sides it just helps me be me in a simpler way. I'm not saying "Pick one" or go the road i went, no everyone's different.
I just happened to live in a horrible area and had a very hard time. Although what you could do use go on amazon and find a necklace that states your pornouns and gender i thought about it once myself but never bought it. Just be ready for the questions but it should be fine

[Tessa James]

Just catching up with this interesting thread and the intrigue it inspires.  Having lived my entire life as a minority person I had hoped the LGBTQ world would be a welcoming place.  Sadly we can discriminate from any place, it seems, and someone always seems to make a status point of being more gay, lesbian or trans than others.  As a Bi/queer and non binary transgender person it seemed our lot would continue to be marginal inclusion.

Things are changing!  The biggest survey of self identified transgender people, 27+ thousand responders, is a game changer.  Over a third of us self identify as non binary!  Especially among young people this rejection of a two box world is happening now.  It is terrific fun for me to welcome new NB people here and IRL.  We meet NB AFAB and AMAB people who simply do it their own way and make no apologies.  A new friend is a trans guy on T who occasionally rocks a skirt and lipstick and why the hell not??  This is the beating heart of diversity and we are rolling on, no permission required!

I feel more female most of the time but my life also includes decades of living as a man.  Initially I tried working the transition process to identify as closely as possible to female.  I found too often that i was feeling a reverse sense of fake when I was trying too hard to "act like a woman" and allowing the external world to value my success or failure.  I learned from that experience and those shared by NB people here that our journey can be most fulfilling, meaningful and successful as we play our own tune and dance to our own rhythms.  I know more and more people who share these songs.