Baby face and work/ university

[Peep]

I am pre-T at the moment, and I pass as a boy (not an adult) most times that I pass. I'm working at the moment and a lot of customers ask me if I'm a volunteer or why I'm working (as in they think I'm some kind of child labour). People get confused when I talk about my degree or the fact that I'm going back to do a postgrad -- which brings me to the worst part, that when I'm actually at uni, people are not likely to be expecting 16 y/o people to be studying with them, so i feel like they're unlikely to gender me as male because of that.

The youngest I reasonably could be to get to this point in my studies is 23, maybe 22, and I will be 25 and most people age me at 15 or 16 (or even once I was mistaken for my 12 y/o brother). Unless I want to masquerade as a boy genius i feel like I'm going to be very obviously trans, or at least get a lot of questions.

I also have this problem (i've posted about it before sorry for repeating) where my boyfriend is 26, and I look 16... and i'm not really used to being seen as a gay male yet, it's making me not want to talk about him, because people seem to assume that ftms are only attracted to women, so when i mention him at work my colleagues seem really confused. Like they know that I'm trans and they got over that, but the also gay thing just adds a new layer. :)

I know there aren't really many solutions to this other than T, but it's not likely that I'll be on T for another year or so. I'm also wondering if anyone on T is passing/ aged correctly without facial hair... I don't want to have to have a beard in order to appear like an adult man.

I'm just not sure how to deal with being an immortal child, and it's just making me quite anxious at work and also pretty anxious about going back to uni. any experiences would be helpful lol

[zeus33]

People at work say anything just use the {sex, gender, sexuality} trinity explanation and get on with it, you shouldn't have to hide in a closet or not be yourself just because you don't fit their idea of what trans is. It seems like it would just make you more lonely and right now I know how that feels cause I am not out. 

As for the study groups and such be more proactive about it, find people you want to study with and get them together. Your age shouldn't matter but you could always just make the joke that men in your family are "late bloomers" like "oh yea my dads beard didn't come in til he was 40" something like that. As long as you are dressing appropriate for your age it shouldn't matter. 

good luck brother

[LatrellHK]

Well I'm a month on T but before then and now, I'm ALWAYS mistaken as a 14-16 y/o boy (so at least I pass) and I'm 19. Trying to buy E-Cig juice is sometimes hell and when I was in college "oh, you're PSEO or CIS?" (no, I'm a student -_-). I'm also 5'6, so I'm really short for a black guy which doesn't help in my case.

I am always told that I'll like it when I'm older but for now, it's a pain in the ass. And even though I'm on T, I highly doubt I'll grow a beard. My dads side, the side I take after more, are hairless beings. The men are very lucky to actually have a full goatee. Most they get is upper lip hair, my dad included. He grows a bit of stubble though. My moms side, on the other hand, are hairy. So I'm hoping my moms side kicks in with facial hair. Not for looking older, but because I like beards.

When driving I get the weirdest looks. Probably because 1) The car is designed odd and kind of long. So unless it's pushed all the way up and the seats raised some, I have issues reaching the gas and brake pedals, and 2) I look young so it's odd seeing a 14-16 y/o looking guy driving by himself on the interstate.

It was kinda funny working at the bar I used to work out. I looked too young to be working there and got asked my age three times daily by non-regulars. They would lucky think that I had to be at least 18 to work there, but some thought my 18th birthday was coming up within 6mos, so they could hire me (that one had me rolling).

The only advice I can give is to, unfortunately in your case, get used to it. I'm in your shoes and can't help it. The bright side, if you're on the small side, you can save money on clothes by buying childrens sizes! It's kinda annoying and gets on your nerves, but it's life.

Now I will say, dating wise, I get you. I'm bi, so male or female, it's hell. I'm shorter than most girls and many guys on campus look their age, and I don't fit either. I'm not the most muscular guy on earth and if my hair isn't cut wave length 24/7, I look young.

I just say be you as well. No use hiding who you are to fit other peoples perception of a trans guy, or what people think is normal. I am just now being open about my sexuality, after it being pounded into my head for years that black men are not gay or bi. Period. I can be a straight trans man but no way in hell would I be bi or gay. At that point my moms side chimes in asking why I just don't stay female then -_-... But either way I'm being open about myself and my sexuality and feel happier, to be honest. Besides, at the end of the day you're the one being you. No use being unhappy with yourself to make other people comfortable or to avoid confusing people!

[invisiblemonsters]

being trans is the last thing people think when you look young. i've always had people say i look younger, but no one ever misgendered me because of it. i don't think people assume trans men are straight, i think they just try to tie in sexuality and gender, which are completely different. you'll have people say "oh, you like women? why not just stay a lesbian?" or "oh, you like men? why wouldn't you just stay a woman?" it will always come back to why did you change your gender, no matter your sexuality i think. people can't seem to grasp the concept they are different things.

i also agree with dressing your age. if you're in a hoodie and a zip up hoodie or something, you're gonna just look younger like a teenaged boy. it won't work out for you at all.

either way, i've always looked young and i'm short so it doesn't help much. i pretty much got over it because there is nothing i can do about it. i have facial hair and still get i look at least 18 now, even though i'm 25. people always praise how i will love it when i'm older, and i'm sure i will and right now, i don't mind it. i have funny stories to tell people about it. i used to be super self conscious about it because i felt like women wouldn't like me or notice me, and being short i felt as if it made me even more unattractive and unnoticeable. also, i felt as if people treated me as if i was unable to do my job, etc. in the end, you just got to be confident and act like you belong there, that you aren't "confused" about your gender, know what you're doing, etc. people usually back off. people tend to get on you when you look uncomfortable.

[Kylo]

It's not that bad if you think of it from the other side. I look younger than expected, or do if I'm not seen with my partner who looks about 16 even though he's 30. When I'm not with him I look young to strangers... when I'm with him it can get bad enough that I've had shop clerks make rude comments about it out of the blue. Even on holiday one time I had to spend the entire trip eating at the same table as some guy who made constant jokes about the apparent "age gap" and about how I'm too old for him. I'm not much older than him, he is just one of those people who look young - but guess who got the crap comments about it? Me, not him.

So after experiencing that and people telling me I'm "old" in comparison, I'd actually welcome looking younger.

On the subject of my partner though, maybe like him you are going going to look forever young. There's non trans people who have this problem and they seem to cope somehow. People get over a young-looking person after an initial encounter, and I suppose he does dress in an older style for work, which helps. Being skinny in the face (if you lose a certain amount of weight) can help too - a bonier face looks more masculine than a more chubby one. I need to work on that myself.

[Peep]

Thanks for replying guys

I think I just have a young face - I used to get ID'd for anything upwards of paracetamol and superglue (which you have to be 16 to buy here) when i was presenting as female, and it didn't seem to change depending on what i wore... I'm also 5'2" which does not help. And I have lost weight but haven't put on muscle, so I've got these skinny twig arms and i feel really small all the time, especially around cis men. my voice is probably an issue too but I'm working on that

I do wear a lot of hoodies haha, you got me but I'm not sure about changing my clothing, partly because i can't really afford a new wardrobe, and partly because anything that's kind of school uniform-esque makes me uncomfortable - i avoid button-downs and collared shirts, slacks and things like that. also i feel like the hoodie gives me a little bit of bulk. I wear almost only black tho, and i avoid t-shirts with slogans and things on, because i associate them more with teens

I know I'm just going to have to get used to it but it's getting me down a bit, i've just managed to forget being trans at work (people there have been insanely good with my name and pronouns) and then someone asks me why I'm working there and not in school and i have to just act all confused

[Kylo]

If you're comfortable telling your age to people then just tell them if they ask why you're not in school. Hopefully they will just be like "oh, sorry" and move on.

I've never had a problem telling people my age - there's never been any kind of taboo on it in my mind, unlike with the idea you're not supposed to ask a woman her age because it's rude. It's not rude to me because I never considered myself a woman, or that my 'value' somehow declines with age. That said, if people are going to judge me based on how I dress or the age of the people I hang out with then I won't give them the pleasure of the information.

People can be surprisingly ageist. It's ridiculous really. I've heard people being weirded out that anyone over 30 plays video games and such... and I'm like well what are people over 30 supposed to be doing? Sitting in an armchair facing a grandfather clock until it's time for the retirement home? People are "surprised" by people who look older doing stuff but never can answer what they are "supposed" to be doing for their age. And being young-looking you're immediately thought of as stupid. It sucks, but it's not worth the energy of worrying too much about

[Austin Rodgers]

Dude I totally feel you. I usually pass but I pass as a super young guy. And I'm also like 5'3, which really sucks. But then again I know there are many cis guys that are as short or shorter than that. Something that also helps me and could help you is some height increasing shoes, I have a pair of boots that make me 3 inches taller; you can even get shoes like 5 inches taller.

http://www.tallmenshoes.com

I can't wait until I get on T, I'm hoping it'll help. T can sort of change your baby face into a more masculine face, along with some hair.

Maybe you could change up your hair style? Also I have noticed, the darker your skin, the more manly or older you look. But I wouldn't get hung up on how old you look, just be happy and enjoy life. There are many cis guys with the same problem.