Hello there everyone! I need some help.

[donnalee]

Hey there my name is Donna, i'm 24 years old.
I recently discovered I am trans upon the passing of my Mother on April 2nd of this year. I hadn't had any notion of it really other than I knew I was a bit different all my life. My dysphoria went from 0 to 100% really fast and I don't know what to do. I am considering going on low dose HRT to help ease my dysphoria and take other steps to transition slowly, because at this point, it's hard for me to go to the store and get some milk because I am male presenting and have no other option at this time. I had to go on a leave of absence from work because I just don't know how to handle the dysphoria and this is causing me more stress because I'm running out of money. I'm not trying to fight it or deny it, it's just how out of the blue it came and how it came in a time of grief is completely life changing and really confusing. I have a few feminine things I wear at home but really they do nothing to ease my dysphoria, I need more time to think about all of this, but my mind went from no real notion of being trans to "transition or die". Do you think that going on low dose HRT will help me ease into things?

[Kelly Girl]

Hi , just wanted to say Welcome !
Passing of loved ones can trigger allot of things , emotions , things you never realized were really there , or how strongly you felt about it subconsciously .
I don't give advise , but if it were me I'd seek a professional opinion first . You have two intence things coinciding at once , never an easy thing to deal with .
Welcome , and maybe someone else has more insight on this than us and will chime in .

[V M]

Hi Donna 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[donnalee]

I feel very hopeless. All I do now is lay in bed because going outside in the world as a man feels terrible, sitting inside my room feels terrible too. Shaving helps but I'm very hairy and get 5 o'clock shadow very quickly and have to shave my body like 3 times a week. I pray that HRT will give me some mental clarity enough to get my life back together even if it will be totally different.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. HRT isn't always the magic bullet because dysphoria is more complex that that. Possibly your dysphoria will be reduce but until you put it to the test, you won't know. I suggest along with HRT you seek out and visit a gender therapist so you are covering all the bases. While you are waiting to see a therapist, I have a couple of links you might want to look at to help you think things through. The first is our WIKI where you will get a detailed explanation of transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" which is a bit more transsexual orientated but will ask you some questions that will give you a better understanding about yourself. Feel free to post any questions you have in this thread.

[donnalee]

Thank you Dena,
I have gone to an informed consent clinic to get on a low dose HRT regimen. Was seeing a therapist and it wasn't very helpful, I'm on a waitlist for a gender therapist (about a month away), have gotten myself laser sessions for my beard set up in the next few weeks. I know I'm making progress and all but all the life has been sucked out of me. I used to really enjoy being a musician and being outdoors and just being a free spirit and now dysphoria has totally crushed all the joy in my life despite having such an awesome support system. I go to a transgender support group every friday but I dress in my boy clothes because that's all I have (can't afford new wardrobe/feel more dysphoria wearing clothes that don't fit my body) but at the same time I can't stand being read Male. It's absolutely bonkers how quick this has all came over me, I sent myself to the psych ward because of how depressed I am and they were of no help of course. I wish there was something to slow my mind down on this, be rational and gradually go through this in a healthy state of mind.

[Veronica J]

Thank you Dena,
I have gone to an informed consent clinic to get on a low dose HRT regimen. Was seeing a therapist and it wasn't very helpful, I'm on a waitlist for a gender therapist (about a month away), have gotten myself laser sessions for my beard set up in the next few weeks. I know I'm making progress and all but all the life has been sucked out of me. I used to really enjoy being a musician and being outdoors and just being a free spirit and now dysphoria has totally crushed all the joy in my life despite having such an awesome support system. I go to a transgender support group every friday but I dress in my boy clothes because that's all I have (can't afford new wardrobe/feel more dysphoria wearing clothes that don't fit my body) but at the same time I can't stand being read Male. It's absolutely bonkers how quick this has all came over me, I sent myself to the psych ward because of how depressed I am and they were of no help of course. I wish there was something to slow my mind down on this, be rational and gradually go through this in a healthy state of mind.

Yeah that happened to me too, the speed of it coming over you, it sort of started for me when i finally accepted myself for me. and accepted all i am and who i am, to stop fighting myself. once i did that an incredible peace and calmness came over me and i am more relaxed as a person, less angry, more at peace with myself. tho at times things just cant go fast enough, therapy, hrt etc. but i can say this tho...you do calm down, and it does slow down as you begin to understand and plan things out (tho nothing ever goes to plan).i am also letting myself feel emotions more now, rather than bottling them up, but still hide away when it overwhelms me. i am just not ready for all of them.. just like being a teenager again. but remember the bouts of depression are short lived, its the emotions and the enormity of the path that hits one from time to time. just take it one step at a time, one day at a time.. and you will be there before you know it.

for me, my life as i know it has completely collapsed. i am boarding with my sister and breaking under my debts. but finding a way thru it all.. i started small.. i have makeup kit (a cheap set to practise with), makeup removers, underwear, tape (to get this tuck worked out), pajamas etc.

start small and go from there.