I don't feel detached from my body?

[iamconfused]

I've seen people say that they feel detached or disconnected from their body or the parts that represent their birth sex and I don't feel that way. I'm always reminded of what's under my clothes because i'm still living as my birth sex so I think that might be why I feel that way? I also don't bind or pack bc of my living situation that i'm in(with my parents). I can look at my body. I don't feel really depressed about it. But it's not like I like it.. as long as I don't have to touch it or have anyone else see it/touch it then i'm fine. I feel a lot of doubt because of this.. like what if i'm just making all of this up or something? but i've felt like the opposite sex since I was about 5 or 6 and I even thought that I was the opposite sex during my childhood. Why do I feel this way?

[Jessica Merriman]

A good Therapist with gender experience would be my first stop. I felt the wrong sex early in life as well (7). I dealt with it my whole life going from confused, to guilty and ended up feeling ashamed. I thought every one had the same problem and was handling it OK. All of my life feeling angry and unsure of myself every day 24 hours. When I started to transition it slowly faded. Now I am full time and the feelings and confusion are finally gone. I feel at peace for the first time in my life. IF you have Gender Dysphoria and I am not saying you do, it will only become more of a burden as time goes by. Find a Therapist and see if they can help you like they did me. You wont regret it.

You don't have to hate your body or any certain part or feature to have Dysphoria.

[ErinM]

I would second Jessica and recommend a therapist with experience in gender issues. No body here can tell you how you feel or what path is right for you.

I have read and heard countless variations on how people's dysphoria manifests, but this part if you post seemed to really stood out to me:

I can look at my body. I don't feel really depressed about it. But it's not like I like it.. as long as I don't have to touch it or have anyone else see it/touch it then i'm fine.

I basically became numb to my appearance thanks to growing up  growing up in a house with a lot if mirrors - I'm talking several walls of nothing but mirrors. For me there was this sense of detachment to my parts in that I mostly ignored them, with the right mental visualization I could even derive some pleasure.

Even though I dealt with my gender conflict from age 4, things finally came to a head and something needed to be done.

Transition so far has helped me more than a could imagine, but the necessity of SRS became crystal clear for me last week when a cystoscopy (a camera up the urethra) had me hyperventilating and in tears when there was next to no physical pain.

[kelly_aus]

I've never felt detached from my body.. I've never hated it either.. There was just always a feeling of wrongness about it.

Now that I've been on hormones a while, the wrongness is mostly gone.. And what remains can be ignored.

[helen2010]

Without hrt I always felt detached from everything.  I observed, I acted and I didn't empathise or feel.  With HRT I am present, I sense, I empathise, I participate and I feel and am able to express love.  Surprisingly my body is almost irrelevant provided that  I can (and have) tempered my more obvious male features (FFS/body hair and beard etc).

There is no one story or version of gender dysphoria - the only experience or story which counts is your own.  A skilled therapist will help you understand your situation, your story and give you the skills and confidence to empower you to write and own your own narrative and journey.

Safe travels

Aisla

[iamconfused]

Without hrt I always felt detached from everything.  I observed, I acted and I didn't empathise or feel.  With HRT I am present, I sense, I empathise, I participate and I feel and am able to express love.  Surprisingly my body is almost irrelevant provided that  I can (and have) tempered my more obvious male features (FFS/body hair and beard etc).

There is no one story or version of gender dysphoria - the only experience or story which counts is your own.  A skilled therapist will help you understand your situation, your story and give you the skills and confidence to empower you to write and own your own narrative and journey.

Safe travels

Aisla

yeah i do feel detached from my life. i'm always daydreaming or zoned out and i feel like i'm living somebody else's life. thanks everyone for the replies 

[iamconfused]

I'm not sure why I posted that I don't feel detached from my body, because I do. I think maybe that I have gotten so used to it, that it's the "norm" for me and I just figure that nothing is wrong.

[Contravene]

I'm not sure why I posted that I don't feel detached from my body, because I do. I think maybe that I have gotten so used to it, that it's the "norm" for me and I just figure that nothing is wrong.

I've felt exactly like you do and I think it's fairly common. I've always felt detached from my body but in order to cope with the dysphoria I kind of just accepted things as they were. Learning to tune out the discomfort and detachment or projecting those feelings onto something else are coping mechanisms. The fact that you're experiencing any sort of detachment at all and have always viewed yourself as the opposite gender means that you probably are transgender. Only you and a therapist could determine that for sure but I don't know that cis people feel any detachment from the gender of their bodies that they try to cope with.

[Dena]

I didn't discomfort with my body. I was uncomfortable with my life and my image of myself. In my second year of cross living I found I had both the life and the image and had lost the uncomfortable feeling that I had before cross living. I didn't expect the surgery to change much in my life and it didn't because for the most part I had already obtained what I was after.

[iamconfused]

i can honestly say that I feel disconnected/detached from myself/my body.. and i felt this way back then, but it was so normal to me that i couldn't even tell that i was experiencing something out of the ordinary. this dysphoria has gotten much more severe since I created this post 2 years ago. the depression, the dissociation, the anxiety; it's breaking me apart.. but at least i know who i am.. it's just that i have no other option but to live miserably for the rest of my life..

[wendylove]

I've been uncomfortable with my body too. Its strange, I feel fine when I look at the world through my eyes because that's me, Wendy. However when I look at myself in a mirror I don't feel comfortable, it's not the real me which is all very confusing. Even more confusing when I've had sex with a women, I enjoy being with a women, I enjoy touching a women, I enjoy a women touching me but when she gets to the old fella then that's totally different, I don't like that at all. So disconnected and confused, yes I sure am but I'm learning and each day that goes past it all makes a little more sense to me.

[nameuser]

i can honestly say that I feel disconnected/detached from myself/my body.. and i felt this way back then, but it was so normal to me that i couldn't even tell that i was experiencing something out of the ordinary. this dysphoria has gotten much more severe since I created this post 2 years ago. the depression, the dissociation, the anxiety; it's breaking me apart.. but at least i know who i am.. it's just that i have no other option but to live miserably for the rest of my life..

You know who you are, and you're worth being miserable for.

If there's one thing these forums can teach you, it's that it can always get better. You have to do what's necessary to survive - whether that's hiding your identity and hanging on a while longer, or coming out and transitioning earlier than you expected. Just because you can't transition now doesn't mean you never will. Don't lose hope.

I'm coming from a similar place to you emotionally. In lieu of therapy, this site's helped me to learn how to hold onto my sense of self and push through the dark days - I hope it can do the same for you.