Lose/ lose situation

[Peep]

I'm starting to feel like transitioning vs not transitioning are a lose lose situation

I might be able to get testosterone in the next few months as a bridging prescription, and when i mentioned this to my boyfriend, he seemed surprised that this was something i was considering, despite the fact that i brought it up to my GP a little over a month ago and i definitely told him about it. He's also already said that he forgets i'm trans/transitioning until i bring it up. I feel like he's not taking in that this is happening, and that's why he seems so supportive so far, and that once i actually get some real changes it'll hit him and he'll bail

so i'm wondering if transitioning is worth it because i do not want to lose him. if we broke up i don't think we'd even be able to be friends as we live quite far apart. he's not only my boyfriend but my only real friend. he lives with his dad, and although i actually trust that he'll be reasonable about my transition, my boyfriend doesn't feel like he can ever tell his dad, which makes me feel really strange and awkward visiting them, i feel like i'm lying and like i can never have a real relationship with his family while i'm in the closet, which isn't what i want because it'll isolate my boyfriend too. but being openly trans could also do that.

As for T, I'm not sure that it can really achieve what i want it to - i know all of the positives and negatives, and i'm worried that i'll only really see negative changes. i also know that it won't make me any taller or my body less small - even if i can put on muscle i'll always have small hands and wrists. i feel really tiny and weak - my main motivator for going on T is to look and sound my age - and i don't know if taking hormones out of fear is the right choice

i also feel like i can't not transition. I don't want to not take T but i also don't know if i want to. i find it very difficult to imagine going backwards or forwards, and i'm starting to feel like it doesn't matter either way. i sort of feel like my life isn't even real and that I'm just watching waiting to see what happens

sorry that this is such a negative post but yeah

[Elis]

I think it's best to take a chance and take the T; otherwise 10 or so years down the line you're most likely regret not having made the decision to take it earlier. I'm sorry to hear your bf isn't taking it well. It's hard for any people trans people know to realise it is real and happening; because they've known us to be a certain way for so long. I'm sure once you're on T and the effects are becoming noticeable; your bf will finally realise this is who you are and will think about telling his dad. There may be arguments between you two; hurtful words exchanged; but IMO you're doing this for yourself and it's best not to put off the inevitable. One of the good things about being trans is that it serves as a good test to know how people really feel about us and if they truly care; even though it's a difficult subject to get their heads around. Best to know your bf can deal with you being male now than years down the line.

I had a lot of doubts about taking T when I finally got my prescription; even though I weighed up the pros and cons for years. For me what it came down to was not wanting to be constantly thinking what if and to know for sure; which I could only do by taking the T and seeing how I feel. Even if I regretted it at least I would know. Plus it's good to remember that taking T us more about reducing the dysphoria by finally having your brain running on the right hormones and looking male to others. Many cis men have large hips; small wrists etc and still feel for the most part happy because they're still treated as the gender they are. Plus if you're  taking T for 3 months and not liking it you always have the option to stop. Your voice would be very slightly deeper but still female sounding and of course the fat redistribution would go back to how it was.

[Ms Grace]

There's no denying that most trans people find themselves in a damned if you do/damned if you don't situation. Is it the right thing to do? What will I gain? What will I lose? Are all questions we ask at some point. Taking action is difficult and it may come with swift repercussions, not taking action is seemingly easier but while the repercussions are not swift they are still there slowly building up over time. If you do decide to transition all you can do is take it a step at a time and use your supports.

[Peep]

I think it's best to take a chance and take the T; otherwise 10 or so years down the line you're most likely regret not having made the decision to take it earlier. I'm sorry to hear your bf isn't taking it well. It's hard for any people trans people know to realise it is real and happening; because they've known us to be a certain way for so long. I'm sure once you're on T and the effects are becoming noticeable; your bf will finally realise this is who you are and will think about telling his dad. There may be arguments between you two; hurtful words exchanged; but IMO you're doing this for yourself and it's best not to put off the inevitable. One of the good things about being trans is that it serves as a good test to know how people really feel about us and if they truly care; even though it's a difficult subject to get their heads around. Best to know your bf can deal with you being male now than years down the line.

I had a lot of doubts about taking T when I finally got my prescription; even though I weighed up the pros and cons for years. For me what it came down to was not wanting to be constantly thinking what if and to know for sure; which I could only do by taking the T and seeing how I feel. Even if I regretted it at least I would know. It's good to remember that if taking T for 3 months and not liking it you always have the option to stop. Your voice would be very slightly deeper but still female sounding and of course the fat redistribution would go back to how it was.

Yeah one of the thoughts i keep coming back to is that i'll always be wondering and thinking about it until i try it. i feel like if i can get a bridging prescription (cutting down my wait time which a lot of guys don't get to do) i should take it, like i might regret not doing it and end up waiting even longer. i'm on the nhs too, and taking T will make it likely that i'll get a referral for top surgery sooner too, because they like you to have been on T for 6 months before referring so there's that too

I feel like if i don't transition or don't take hormones because of my boyfriend i'll end up resenting him and he'll always know that he held me back, so even if i don't transition neither of us will be happy :)

I was hoping that my transition would be slow enough for the people around me but it seems like as they're not really paying attention it's going to be sudden no matter what i do haha

[FTMax]

Definitely as Ms. Grace said, a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

I'm of the belief that you should be putting yourself first, and if that means going on T, then you should do that. I don't think partners in a relationship can ever give the relationship 100% if they aren't in a good place themselves.

I would definitely sit down and give some thought to what T would do for you, and if there is any downside on a personal level for you. If you decide that you're ready and want to go for it, I would have a conversation with your boyfriend and lay it all out there - what your plans are, what you believe the benefit will be for you, that you understand it may be difficult for him, etc. Dialogue about it. Let him express any concerns he has, and work through them together.

[kylie1]

You have some good advice here and it is ultimately your decision.  I have always felt feminine and always wanted to be a girl.  Every birthday as a kid I would blow my candles out and wish I would turn into a girl.  I never transitioned, but would love to.  I now have an exwife and three kids and a professional career.  I am very well known in my community and I'm also a massive man, Alfa male, guns, racing motorcycles etc.  A mans man.  A transition would totally fulfill me but would devistate my career and family.  It's a balance.  I've found doing fem things to keep me connected helps with the dysphoria.  Sometimes the dysphoria is bad other times not so bad, but it's always there.  You will have some suffering.  You're in a hurt locker.
Life isn't easy, but it's worth living.
Xx.