Is it OK to have traditionally masculine hobbies?

[sparrow]

I'm not trying to attack you or anything. You posted and I responded. If you take anything from what I said, great. If not, well it's more your problem than mine I suppose.

Hey Ashey.  Just so you know, you're pretty blunt.  People can get offended by that, or mistakenly think that you're offended.  I've seen that happen with you a couple of times now.  With a little care in phrasing, you could be a more effective communicator.

[Ashey]

Hey Ashey.  Just so you know, you're pretty blunt.  People can get offended by that, or mistakenly think that you're offended.  I've seen that happen with you a couple of times now.  With a little care in phrasing, you could be a more effective communicator.

I know am blunt. However, what you're suggesting isn't about being an effective communicator, because getting to the point is perfectly effective; more so than sugar-coating or beating around the bush. I've learned that people can be offended by anything, so I don't bother so much with 'careful phrasing'. That said I also don't go out of my way to be rude. I just don't believe I need to walk on eggshells here. I'm sure she's tougher than that, and I wasn't too harsh anyway. She deals with participating in a male-dominated hobby, as well as being stealth. So I give her credit there, certainly. You should too. If she's truly bothered by my words then she can PM me.

[SonadoraXVX]

Well, from what I kind of sense, I think you need female validation, I could be wrong, hanging out with girl pals a lot more. Another thing is that I have seen cis females go into male dominated fields, like aircraft mechanics, automotive and diesel mechanics, nowadays women are at times crossing over into male dominated areas, seen that in school and in the military. Some of my hobbies are male dominated areas, like military history(i.e. I'm also former USMC), more akin to weapons and fieldcraft of all eras, automotive, and diesel mechanics(i.e. all school trained), plus cooking nowadays, since well I do like to eat at good and its awesome to be able to eat what I want, when I want.

I know I suffer from female validation, but well, I'm in school right now, for my 2nd M.A. and super busy to socialize now, is my take on this, unless you really enjoy your current hobbies. I know I need female validation, since my first M.A. was in Gen. Psych. so I can piece together the behavioral puzzle of myself.

[smittydoyle]

Questions like this always grind my gears a bit. OF COURSE it's "OK" to do whatever it is that makes you happy. Asking permission (permission from whom? the hive mind? cis folks? 'society'? heteronormative folk?) is so weird to me. Just do what makes you...YOU...happy. Don't live for other people's permission. Life is waaaaaay to short for that.

[V]

I kinda regret posting this topic now, as it does seem to have gotten some folk slightly riled.
That was not my intention at all, it's a difficult issue in my mind, and one I've not been able to figure out. However daft that appears to some.

Hey Ashey.  Just so you know, you're pretty blunt.  People can get offended by that, or mistakenly think that you're offended.  I've seen that happen with you a couple of times now.  With a little care in phrasing, you could be a more effective communicator.

Hi Sparrow, yeah I thought Ashley was being blunt. But then I guess that's just her way I suppose. I didn't want to get into an online slanging match, and with most confrontational situations, I just turn and go the other way. So I didn't respond to her.
She said that it's more my problem than hers, well of course it is. It's very much my problem, and it's been causing me some internal confusion and distress that I have not been able to work through on my own. I certainly can't talk about it with cis-gendered folk, as all that would do is 'out' me to them. Hence my post on here.

Well, from what I kind of sense, I think you need female validation, I could be wrong, hanging out with girl pals a lot more. Another thing is that I have seen cis females go into male dominated fields, like aircraft mechanics, automotive and diesel mechanics, nowadays women are at times crossing over into male dominated areas, seen that in school and in the military. Some of my hobbies are male dominated areas, like military history(i.e. I'm also former USMC), more akin to weapons and fieldcraft of all eras, automotive, and diesel mechanics(i.e. all school trained), plus cooking nowadays, since well I do like to eat at good and its awesome to be able to eat what I want, when I want.

I know I suffer from female validation, but well, I'm in school right now, for my 2nd M.A. and super busy to socialize now, is my take on this, unless you really enjoy your current hobbies. I know I need female validation, since my first M.A. was in Gen. Psych. so I can piece together the behavioral puzzle of myself.

Hi Sonadora, yes I think you are right. But in seeking female validation, I feel I have to conform to certain gender binaries that feel forced and not natural to me. On the other hand, enjoying what I've traditionally always enjoyed has had it's consequences too. I have observed that when I'm at the controls of some ancient anachronistic machine, with the sole purpose of getting covered in as much grime and oil as possible, I really and truly relax and enjoy myself. And my voice goes straight back to it's masculine levels, and my mannerisms go back to "bloke mode", with the inevitable result that I often 'out' myself and have to beat a hasty retreat to avoid odd stares and awkward questions.
I wish I could find that magic middle ground, but the world just isn't like that really. Holding one's head up and being proud to be whatever you are, requires a strength and depth of character that I just don't have. In jumping over the fence, I find that actually I'd rather have sat on it, and dangled a foot on both sides. And kudos to those strong enough to do just that.

[Jamie97]

I'm just starting mtf transition, and I'm a massive metalhead, and I love all things guitar related. I'm also into video games and other computer stuff, so I get where you're coming from; it's one of the reasons I delayed my transition for so long. I think the key is to not try and force yourself to appear completely stereotypically female. After all, that's the sort of pressure we aim to escape from when we transition. Just embrace who you are and what makes you happy, and if that makes you seem kind of androgynous to some people, who cares?

[V]

I'm just starting mtf transition, and I'm a massive metalhead, and I love all things guitar related. I'm also into video games and other computer stuff, so I get where you're coming from; it's one of the reasons I delayed my transition for so long. I think the key is to not try and force yourself to appear completely stereotypically female. After all, that's the sort of pressure we aim to escape from when we transition. Just embrace who you are and what makes you happy, and if that makes you seem kind of androgynous to some people, who cares?

You are right of course, and it's good advice. I just find that whole "stuff what others think" attitude rather difficult to do.
I should just get over myself I guess...
I wish you well with your transition 

[Lady Sarah]

I listen to all kinds of metal music, collect dragons, and learned to weld better than most guys in my area. It certainly doesn't make me any less of a woman. It also helps to have those things in common with the hubby.

[SonadoraXVX]

Well V, I took  struggled for liking my former manly things and hobbies, like military/police science and automechanics and dabbling into home construction, UNTIL (out of survival, and I never push my masculine hobbies or former self on anybody), I'm a very low key, nonbravado, quiet type of person, you'd never tell I was former military....I'll get to that in the minute.
I like feminine things, like shoes, good outfits, manicures, pedicures, cooking, and just being peaceful and fun loving, being one of the girls, but alas, EVIL can and has come crashing down on me, before HRT and post HRT. I've limited resources and I like women(ie.not men/males or else I may have defaulted to having the men do the MANLY stuff for me, with some assistance from me of course, but even then, I don't take too kind in things being done for me, for a variety of reasons, anyway...). When my car started breaking down, I just HAD to fix it myself to go to work and get around, which I've done on my car  such as changed the front/rear struts, fuel injectors, fan belts, timing belt, oil seals, water pump, yadda yadda, SAVING about 5-6K worth in expenses. Since I live in the rougher part of L.A., too, as a homeowner(South central L.A.), folks around here are rough around the edges and can be quite intimidating too. Its nice to know the principles of guerilla warfare, physical security, combat tactical intelligence, operational planning, route planning, situational awareness, physical/psychological avoidance of conflict/violence, last dance protocols, combat mindset, blah blah blah, blah. SAVES me much heart ache in knowing this stuff and NOT to mention home fixes at home, building a wall, building a small shed, mediocre electrical/plumbing/drywall/stucco/cement work.
IT JUST saves me much, much, much, much heartache and stress, knowing these skills. Yes, I love the girly stuff, but if push comes to shove, I can GET DOWN fix and defend myself, if need be, IS HOW I was able to reconcile my masculine hobbies out of sheer SURVIVAL. ITS JUST GOOD SURVIVAL stuff for me to know and how I was able to reconcile it too.

[kaitylynn]

Am a believer that we should participate in whatever makes us happy and whole.  Hobbies might be dominated by one gender, but that is not to say they are owned by it.  Love to ride my motorcycle and work on the 4WD, I just do it with more style now   I actually had this discussion with my therapist and she asked me to define a manly activity and then asked me to define the reason it was not suitable for me.  After some thought, it sort of came to a point of...I like it, why not?

I know some very technical cisgender women who enjoy a few predominately male activities.  They never seem to give it a thought and it fulfills something for them.  Cool!  Are we not the same?

[V]

@Sonadora, you sound like a very strong and resourceful woman! I keep coming across such strong people on these boards, very inspirational. If that reconciliation method works for you, that's great and more power to you 
I can get down and fix cars if I have to. In fact on more than one occasion when I've seen someone who's broken down in their car, I have stopped to help.  And because I used to drive old cars, I used to carry tools, spares, jump leads, tow ropes, batteries, etc... I used to repair the stranded car if I could to get the people moving, or tow them home if I could not. I used to have a trailer and so I'd go and get it and use it to recover vehicles and get them and their owners home. I met some nice people that way. More often than not, if it was a woman who was stranded, they used to ask me how on earth I knew how to do all 'that stuff'. I'd just smile and say I'm an engineer by trade.
Nowadays I don't do that, as my health isn't so good, and I don't own big old 4x4's any more.
It is not common for a woman to do such things though, and my current boyfriend doesn't like me stopping to help strangers these days in case I get assaulted by them.
@Kaitylynn, you are right, but it's not common to see women do these things. And my desire to not attract attention to myself often overrides my participation in such activities.
I guess it's just my issue and there's no easy answer.

[sweetbriar9]

Long live steam! That is a great hobby. I can relate to your dilemma (especially after spending the last five days making a part on my vintage south bend lathe). One mental trick that I use whenever a project is affecting my self image is to think about all those factory girls during World War Two. When I go full time I'm planning to steal a lot of their styling cues. It helps to imagine myself that way rather than as some large grunting blacksmith or something. P.S..... The dreamboat that I've had a crush on for years works on steam engines.

[V]

Long live steam! That is a great hobby. I can relate to your dilemma (especially after spending the last five days making a part on my vintage south bend lathe). One mental trick that I use whenever a project is affecting my self image is to think about all those factory girls during World War Two. When I go full time I'm planning to steal a lot of their styling cues. It helps to imagine myself that way rather than as some large grunting blacksmith or something. P.S..... The dreamboat that I've had a crush on for years works on steam engines.

Your sig is something I feel applies to me too!

[Michelle_P]

Well, I won't be wrenching on cars in my new place.  Not a gender thing, but the HOA frowns on doing that in 'their' garage.  I'm still active in amateur radio, though, and will be doing some radio physics lectures, as well as teaching a licensing class early next year.

I do manage to get on the air in spite of the HOA.  Here's me, on the balcony Monday night, checking into a public safety 'net' based about 20 miles away over two ridges of hills.  (4 watts FM on 70cm, with a 6 element Yagi antenna, not the usual girls night out...)

[Xirafel]

Hm. I dance around a lot, although I suck at it. I repress the urge to sing x.x
I write code. I hide away in my lair. I play lots of games and watch anime ^_^