Quote from: Rhonda Lynn on August 14, 2016, 07:39:10 PM
Not to take this off-topic, I hope this is the right place to post this.
Passing as female is not just about hair, make-up and clothes. It's about communicating in as many ways as you can that you are female. People tend to see and hear what they expect to see and hear and ignore the rest. Once the observer's mind registers "female" they won't change that decision unless you do something unexpected.
Even after all these years, I still see many imperfections in myself. However, people who have known me for years have no idea about my past. I'm not saying to ignore the cosmetic details because they are important. I'm suggesting that there are other things to work on that will help you.
The phone is particularly challenging. A few years ago a friend called and I used to answer with a simple "Hello." Well, my teenage son at the time still had a somewhat high voice and so she mistook me for my son - which kind of embarrassed me. Anyway, I now pick up the phone and answer "Hello this is Rhonda!" And make sure to use a strong upward inflection. I establish immediately, even if it's a stranger that they are speaking with a woman. My voice isn't that high, but I always get "ma'am" on the phone.
Also, I believe that it is about wearing what is appropriate for the context. What are other women wearing in a given locale? If you're wearing that, you won't stand out and people will think "just another woman." I tend to wear yoga pants, jeans and shorts a lot because that is common around here.
Finally, and this is most important. You have to learn how women act in public and this takes practice. For example, when women make eye contact in public, they quite often give each other a brief little smile. It's kind of a "let's be friends" smile. This also applies to the grocery checker or other women you interact with. So, when a woman looks you in the eye and smiles at you, smile right back! Also, you have to be relaxed and confident in yourself in public. You need to think "I look cute today!" not "Everyone is looking at me!!"
Hugs,
Rhonda
There's a lot of useful stuff in this post.
I try to use a variety of subtle cues to help me pass in everyday life.
The smiling thing is important, even though I have to really try and concentrate to do it, and not awkwardly immediately look away when someone looks at me, which is my default reaction. There are certainly days when I really feel very confident and then it all falls into place. Other days I feel awkward and conspicuous, and I know that people pick up on that. It's hard to face each day with endless confidence and chirpy upbeat smiles.
I find that my voice seems to work well on the 'phone, and my partner has commented that my 'phone voice' is much higher in pitch and has more inflection than my face-to-face speaking voice. I rely more on my looks when face-to-face, and I just can't seem to get my 'phone voice to work for me when I'm not on the 'phone.
I too always establish my gender (by name) as soon as possible in a 'phone conversation, this helps no end.
I find that if I smile while talking, (again this works well on the 'phone) then this seems to help.
I've always had this patient, quiet, hesitant demeanour, it makes me particularly easy to be ignored or talked over. And that thing where guys just ignore or talk over women, that always happens to me. The thing was, it used to happen to me before I transitioned, and so, rightly or wrongly, it seems more in-keeping with how I am now.
There's a knowing look that women give each other, and occasionally I can receive and give it, and that is a nice feeling all of it's own.
