Hello,
I'm taking a critical (ok, very critical) look at myself when I see my reflexion in the shop windows, and I'm not pleased at all. I like to think that I am leaner and taller than I am, apparently. So I wonder if you have some tips on exercising better judgment in my choice of clothes.
I don't plan to do medical or hormonal interventions and I wear only menswear, I'm around 5'5 and 120 lbs. And I look damn chubby, I have large shoulders but my lower half is something like those pears in liquor bottles. Plus front lumps, of course.
So... what kind of trousers will do in summer? Because I go for gym-like loose trousers that gives me the charisma of a bedside table. And in winter? I have decent looking polo trousers (no I don't play polo at all) but they are somewhat tight on thighs and at the end of the day I have the seams tattooed on my legs.
For the upper part I have plain cotton shirts that for some reasons makes me looks sloppy. Again, I need fresh clothes for summer. I don't know why simple shirts causes so much trouble. I also have polo shirts (and no still not playing polo) and they are better and close fitting, but show off a couple of things on my chest that doesn't need to. And in winter there is the famous problem of way too long sleeves... I can't afford to have a whole wardrobe refitted by a seamstress.
As far as chest is involved, I feel that sports bra and binding if anything enhance my awareness of the area and also it gives me the message that I have a wrong part in my body because I have to hide it, and I want to stand by my body and work with it, not against it.
Now, the look that I rock the best is black trousers and white shirt, my businessman version is the leanest-looking of them all. But again this things need refitting, and refitting needs a plump wallet. Is there a way to be smart about it all?
Also I just need a bit of comforting because I love to have long hair but I cut it very short for all the wrong reasons and now I can't look at myself in the mirror. Not only it feels like castration but it makes me look like a butch lesbian when I am the totally exact opposite, a feminine gay man. Jeez. I feel so bitter and lost.
Ok, I'll say what happened in hope to forgive myself: I was at job interviews with the black trousers and polo shirts and I always had my hair in a neat low ponytail, and they misgendered me and decided that I was a woman too lazy to do her hair and put on makeup and jewellery, so I got bounced with the pitiful advice "be more formal at others interviews". It gave me a huge wave of dysphoria in the sense that I felt trapped and forced by society in the wrong gender, and I felt desperate and rebellious. I thought: "You won't have me"" in a Samson-and-Philistines fashion and I cut it all. And now I feel horrible and blame myself.
While I loose some weight and muscle up and wait for my hair to be back, do you have any advice on this mess?
