Why do I have to be trans?

[supergirl23]

I just bought a whole pack of really cute panties, some anal beads, along with a magic wand and I started feeling really dysphoric. Why am I trans. Why couldn't I have just been a normal female or a normal male. This is the most dysphoric I have ever felt and I'm starting to realize I will never lead a normal life as a man or a woman. I so desperately want to lead a life as a man, doing guy things like building cool things and stuff. But I also really want to be myself and still do the things that I would like to do the same guy stuff. I wish I could make the transness just disappear. I should never have started looking into possibly being transexual. I just should have kept thinking I was just a crossdresser that had some different thoughts growing up. I just want to lead a normal life start a family after becoming a very successful business owner. Maybe even have a couple of kids. I want everything to just go my way for once.


Rant over.

[Semira]

I share most of the same thoughts you just expressed. All I ever wanted was to just lead a quiet and simple life. But that is going to be impossible. I know some people embrace the challenge and can even become proud of what they are. I don't see it though. What I want is impossible so what is the point of taking on that challenge? Why would I be proud of having the luxury of being extra miserable?

I wish I could add some words of encouragement here. I could use some myself. From what I've read it does seem like a lot of people do feel better about themselves after months/years of noticeable progress. It's just a distant goal you have to focus your mind on.

[Deborah]

I always wished I wasn't trans simply so I wouldn't have to deal with the constant dysphoria.  However, at the same time I always accepted it as my reality since I knew who I was.  In some ways I think it has been beneficial in the way my brain is wired together to solve problems and deal with people interpersonally. 


Sapere Aude

[supergirl23]

I share most of the same thoughts you just expressed. All I ever wanted was to just lead a quiet and simple life. But that is going to be impossible. I know some people embrace the challenge and can even become proud of what they are. I don't see it though. What I want is impossible so what is the point of taking on that challenge? Why would I be proud of having the luxury of being extra miserable?

I wish I could add some words of encouragement here. I could use some myself. From what I've read it does seem like a lot of people do feel better about themselves after months/years of noticeable progress. It's just a distant goal you have to focus your mind on.

I completely understand where you are coming from Semira. I guess if being trans were easy though, we wouldn't have to figure out how to go to the bathroom in most places. And you are right, we just have to take baby steps and hopefully when it is time for SRS we will be at peace with ourselves.


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[Soli]

I came to terms with the fact I'm weird and different in my teen years, so only before that did I wish to be a normal man or boy. What I wish though is that my family wouldn't have insisted so much that I was normal when obviously I was not like the others and that health services would have offered me the right procedure for my condition, that is early HRT.

Now to be trans and not really pass without money for hair removal is much heavier to wear as a burden in society than just being weird, but HRT felt so good right from the start, I can only come to the conclusion that I have been running on the wrong fuel from the start, feels so good, just a glance in the mirror before leaving the house and... wow, boost of energy. It had never happened to me before in my life that I would look at myself and be energized from it, now it's most of the time. I never liked myself and that makes it very hard on an individual to go forward and progress.

to come to terms with the fact that I don't pass and may never, I think I will not even seek to pass and endorse a trans identity, I'm not sure yet, I'm still trying to understand the different... ways trans people identify themselves with and still nothing is very clear except no SRS for me, I like my parts and hate surgeries.

what I find most fantastic about HRT is that once testosterone flew out the window (I started with just spironolactone), my brain started to work properly and all the sex thoughts and urges that always seized most of my neurons just flew away, never think about that, and also testosterone gets one to do things, to spend energy anyhow which always came into contradiction with my body that never developped like a man one... anyways, what a whirl, testosterone, estrogen calms me down, everything is smooth, no rush of nothing. I hate testosterone.

[JoanneB]

I spent almost 50 years asking this question. I tried to answer in my early 20's. Not once but twice, with two ending very badly transition experiments. I then spent about 30 years resigning myself to be "Just a Cross-Dresser".

Only problem there was that I was not. I tried to beat down the TS feelings with everything I had. Overloaded myself with diversions and distractions. Buried myself in my career. About the only thing I never did was "Purge". I knew no way, no how, was I ever going to not want to have some escape from maleness. At least I can be and imagine myself as a woman to some level.

All I accomplished was to slowly turn myself into a lifeless soulless "Thing" who only existed to do what was expected of it. No hopes. No Wishes, No Dreams, bar one given up on long long ago.

If I really was "Just a CD" my life sure would be far far simpler. But I aint. I pretty well proved that any which way you can imagine over 30 years of trying.

[CarlyMcx]

I just want to lead a normal life start a family after becoming a very successful business owner. Maybe even have a couple of kids.

I tried that.  Went to college, went to law school, started my own law firm, got married, had kids.

It didn't work.  I am still here and still transitioning, only I am doing it at 53 after suffering 10 years of agonizing panic attacks rather than at 23.

[supergirl23]

I tried that.  Went to college, went to law school, started my own law firm, got married, had kids.

It didn't work.  I am still here and still transitioning, only I am doing it at 53 after suffering 10 years of agonizing panic attacks rather than at 23.

So unless I transition, everything will just keep getting worse?


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[Deborah]

Nobody can tell you that.  But for many of us the usual coping methods eventually no longer worked and being alive became a burden.


Sapere Aude

[popa910]

I came to terms with the fact I'm weird and different in my teen years, so only before that did I wish to be a normal man or boy. What I wish though is that my family wouldn't have insisted so much that I was normal when obviously I was not like the others and that health services would have offered me the right procedure for my condition, that is early HRT.

Yep, I've always been rather abnormal.  I still don't know how much of that can be attributed to gender-related issues, though.   Still untying that Gordian knot!

Now to be trans and not really pass without money for hair removal is much heavier to wear as a burden in society than just being weird, but HRT felt so good right from the start, I can only come to the conclusion that I have been running on the wrong fuel from the start, feels so good, just a glance in the mirror before leaving the house and... wow, boost of energy. It had never happened to me before in my life that I would look at myself and be energized from it, now it's most of the time. I never liked myself and that makes it very hard on an individual to go forward and progress.

Wow.  I can't remember ever really liking how I looked in the mirror (aside from me making funny faces or combing my hair to look quite silly to amuse myself).  Like I mentioned above regarding my weirdness, I still am uncertain how much of this has to do with gender stuff and how much of it has to do with the simple fact that I'm a mediocre-looking guy (at least in appearance).

[V]

I hate being trans. I think it is a curse, and I cannot understand those who think otherwise.
I just wanted to be a cis-gendered person (didn't care whether that was male or female), and not this life of suffering dysphoria. No matter how many surgeries or money or whatever, I know I cannot attain that which my brain is needing. A cis-gendered person just doesn't have these issues.
If you can stay as a CD, that would be a much easier life, but only you can know or discover that, no-one can tell you.
If you do have dysphoria, then it doesn't go away, and the longer you leave it, the tougher it gets to deal with it when you eventually decide to. There's no easy answer, and no magic pill to take to make it go away. Believe me, I wish there was because I'd take it.
But I can say that the earlier you tackle it, the better the outcome will be. I finally gave up on dysphoria denial in my late 20's, and I now regret not trying to sort things out much earlier, before T had spoiled things and made it so much harder for me later on.
As it says in my profile, you play the hand you're dealt.

Sorry if I come across as hard, but wishing it will just go away doesn't work.

[Soli]

... regarding my weirdness, I still am uncertain how much of this has to do with gender stuff and how much of it has to do with the simple fact that I'm a mediocre-looking guy (at least in appearance).

I might be slipping off topic here but my weirdness is due to the fact that I'm in the Autistic spectrum disorder ASD, I figured that out some 3 years ago, I'm an Aspie... and there are many on here I think

[Tama-Ann]

I so desperately want to lead a life as a man, doing guy things like building cool things and stuff.

Because you're trans this doesn't stop you from doing this. Tell the universe what you want and it will manifest.
However when I say that the universe can't manifest or change feelings, it can manifest events.
(But I'm very spiritual like that, and seen it in a lot of cases happening) So it depends on what you believe.

Kids, you can still have. Relationship, get married? You still can. Don't think that being trans is a set back because it's not. It's just hard to understand ourselves, let alone the outside world - but there's open minded people who love for love, not for what's between , or what was between your legs.

As a former gay boy, and still a lover of Rupaul's Drag Race (though our community is very split between it) Rupaul has a saying "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you going to love somebody else?" I also think that if you can't love yourself then the person who WILL love you will be struggling to love you as you won't accept their love as you'd constantly be doubting it!

This may come across as rude, or insensitive but I don't mean it in the way it may come across but have you tried doing 'Drag'? As you say you want to be masculine and feminine? Or how about gender fluid?
I just want to make sure that you've researched all the possibilities and know for sure?

If you are trans, once again it's not a set back - it's just misunderstood and wrongly shown in the media but the world is coming to terms with it and understanding it.

Also there's no such thing as 'normal' every-one has a 'problem' or 'issue' with themselves, love yourself because we love you - if you're dysphoric just look at yourself and find the one good quality about yourself that you like, and think about it, and slowly you'll love yourself again. For me if I feel dysphoric I look at my legs and say "Yeah they're pretty nice, pretty feminine" and I feel somewhat better and eventually get happier! 

[JMJW]

I might be slipping off topic here but my weirdness is due to the fact that I'm in the Autistic spectrum disorder ASD, I figured that out some 3 years ago, I'm an Aspie... and there are many on here I think

I was diagonosed with Aspergers just after I had decided to stop living as a woman online and confessed to my online best friend that I was male. She didn't seem to mind and had already guessed as I got unusually upset when I showed her a pic of my "brother" (me) vs friend irl,  and asked her who's better looking. She picked him, a 280 pound muscled hypermasculine fireman.

Seeing how she's a lesbian, that stung. But I remember what it felt like when I said goodbye to my virtual female persona. It actually felt like grief, proper bereavement. i had stopped because I had  abandoned real life and become really antisocial. It was at that point that I was tested for Asperger Syndrome. And unsurprisingly they found autism. But they didn't know about what happened behind the scenes and although I mentioned wishing i were female twice, it was fleeting. So they just stuck with autism. I hear both GID and Aspergers can imitate each others symptoms, I don't really know what I have.

Rather than ask why, I look at the art I've made, and I honestly wouldn't take it back. 

[Deborah]

I might be slipping off topic here but my weirdness is due to the fact that I'm in the Autistic spectrum disorder ASD, I figured that out some 3 years ago, I'm an Aspie... and there are many on here I think

I looked up Aspergers a while back and some of that fits me pretty well and some doesn't.  Also, when I was younger I was very shy and socially awkward but over the years I've learned to fake it so it doesn't show much.  So I'm not really sure if I'm aspie or not.  But I'll admit I'm weird and unusual LOL.


Sapere Aude

[popa910]

I might be slipping off topic here but my weirdness is due to the fact that I'm in the Autistic spectrum disorder ASD, I figured that out some 3 years ago, I'm an Aspie... and there are many on here I think

I've always wondered if I was on the Autism spectrum, as I've never been very social and I often feel like I'm rather clueless in conversations.  However, I haven't really cared enough to find out, as I'm relatively content with things the way they are, so I never really considered it worth the time and effort to investigate

[popa910]

Also there's no such thing as 'normal' every-one has a 'problem' or 'issue' with themselves, love yourself because we love you - if you're dysphoric just look at yourself and find the one good quality about yourself that you like, and think about it, and slowly you'll love yourself again. For me if I feel dysphoric I look at my legs and say "Yeah they're pretty nice, pretty feminine" and I feel somewhat better and eventually get happier! 

I like my legs too, as well as my butt

[Soli]

as far as I know, the links between transsexualism and autism have not yet been studied per say, but the % of ASD in the trans community is much higher than in general population, much higher, like 20 times higher. That's what the therapist I was working with told me but I doubt these are actual figures, as most Aspies don't know they are Aspies. where was I reading the other day that probably 70% of the Sillicone valley tech nerds are ASD.

Aspergers doesn't exist anymore, since DSM V, it was blended in the autism spectrum disorder, for which symptoms may vary greatly between individuals, but always some can be linked to others, and to functions in the brain that operate differently.

I'm sorry for extending my off topic, but might not be that much off topic. People with ASD have basically a hard time seeing models, they don't see how this prince, princesse or this fighter could be them. It's exterior. They see it but it doesn't relate to them. The person on ASD is like... alone, sees not the links with the other humans like the other humans do, therefore have a hard time defining themselves. They don't relate to anything except very particular things, and usually dress funny (always ends up like that even if you try), so therefore it's very difficult to copy and personify the female model or the male model as imposed by society, so therefore when it comes down: what are you, male or female? one has to chose and many people on ASD seem to go towards the gender they weren't assigned with at birth for whatever reason.

I mean there may not be studies about the links between ASD and gender identity issues but ... i believe there is, and spotting many people here who could be ASD just reinforces that intuition i have.

therefore in my opinion  the issues trans people face are not only gender issues, it's a wide range of difficulties to find a place into the society, and maybe sometimes there are other issues one should look at before jumping in HRT, as transition might not take down other very important barriers one has to socially fit and be accepted (as human).

I'm very sorry if my post is too long and wasn't thrown in at the right place or moment, hey, I'm ASD so I have a hard time with that, fitting in 

[Emileeeee]

Thoughts like that were a major obstacle for me, but they really don't have to be. Changing genders doesn't mean you can't do that stuff anymore. I think the gender stereotypes are just so ingrained in us that we forget that they're imaginary lines.

[popa910]

Soli, I am astounded at how well most of those ASD symptoms seem to fit me.  Although, since they're kind of vague, it might just be that I'm shoehorning myself into them.  I don't, I can't really tell