Gender Roles and your experience with them

[Michelle_P]

My gender role had little to do with my problems with my gender identity.  Now, I did go into the military for several years trying to 'man up' after I was 'cured' with testosterone injections.  But, after that, most of my career was spent on digital electronics and software, a male dominated field with a small but significant female presence, where the males were almost all hard-core nerds. (The 'dude-bro' phenomenon in tech companies, particularly startups, is relatively recent.)

Heck, it was while interviewing people for a tech position that I encountered a transwoman in the early stages of transition, and surprised myself with the thought "I wish I were brave enough to do that!"

Gender identity and gender presentation have much more effect on me than gender role.  If you want to poke at gender role, look at my home life.  For decades, I've been the person who cooks and cleans and tends the garden at home. I'm quite good at it.  The first (non-gender) therapist I saw actually asked me about this, and when I told him I was the homemaker in the family, he got that sage look on his face, said "Ah, I see" or something like that, and scribbled a bit on his notepad.  Chauvinist psychologist!

[Daria67]

I was born in 1967. As a child I can vividly recall when barriers (due my assigned birth gender) were put in my way. For example, when suddenly playing 'dress up' like a girl was no longer acceptable, when my mother put away the pretty green tea party set, when I was permitted only one Nancy Drew book, the rest had to be The hardy boys, being pulled away from the girls department in Sears, countless, "boys don't ______". The confusion would have me crying tears of frustration till I could barely breathe, not to mention the overwhelming sense of disapproval from authority figures. I can recall many times being told, "go play with the boys".

[Mariah]

My dad tried to enforce them and did by limiting what I could wear, what colors, I could where and what I could do. Then he required nails were trimmed all the way back and that the hair be kept really short. I hated that having to deal with those last two the most. I never liked how short nails felt and I don't to this day. Hugs
Mariah

[V]

I do remember my mother telling me off for "not walking properly" (i.e. having a feminine walk) or not cutting my nails short, or not having my hair short. Plus kids at school quickly let you know what behaviour will get you bullied. In my case I tried my hardest to be invisible and unnoticed, and to bury any notions of femininity away. Going to an all-boys school kinda made me very insular indeed.
Funnily enough, after coming out to my parents as trans, my mom quipped "Ahh, some of the things you did as a child now make sense".
But conversely, a few weeks later, she was having real problems with me being trans, and got it into her head that she had somehow caused it while carrying me before I was born. I vividly remember her shouting at me and saying "I could understand it if it was your brother, but you!?"
I should say that my brother was very 'arty' like my mom, whereas I was very technical. He ended up being a primary school teacher, and is great with kids. I ended up as a Mechanical Engineer, with sod all social skills and ASD.
Thanks mom, way to go reinforcing gender stereotypes