Denial issues

[rockedblack]

Hello everyone, this is my first time in here and I'm still trying to figure out my gender identity. Recently I've been wondering if I'm FTM. However, if I were to transition to male, I'm not sure how to handle the social pressures of being a man and such. Also, I'm not that masculine. However I was thinking if I could be nonbinary, but the thing is...I personally don't believe nonbinary genders are legitimate. They're not taken seriously by society, and I have internalized these feelings as well. But the more I think about it, the label nonbinary seems to fit with me more and more. The reason I don't believe nb genders are legitimate is because I think people are confusing genders with personality traits. There was always a thought in the back of my mind "If nonbinary genders were accepted in society, I would pick it." Am I in denial? Has anyone in here dealt with this before? I don't know......

TL;DR I think I'm nonbinary but I'm in denial because I don't think nonbinary is a legitimate gender. Was wondering if anyone had feelings like these.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. The non binary is real and it exist here. What drove it home for me was learning about the gender fluid/bigender identity. It was shocking to me that a persons identity could switch but I have been encountering many people who can't find an explanation in the outside world coming here to understand what they are feeling. I am going to give you a pile of links to explore that may help you understand where you fit in. The first is our WIKI where you will see the transgender family. Next is "the transition channel" which will help you rule in or out transsexual. The last is a few links in the non binary section where you might find something that describes your feelings. Feel free to post any question you have on this thread.


https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

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[Hunchdebunch]

I know this thread's a little older now, but I really wanted to respond as I feel I may have some valuable input on this subject.

I'm a non binary person who regularly questions and has huge doubts about their gender and the legitimacy of their gender. It's very easy to have internalised feelings about non binary genders, even if you are non binary yourself. There are times when I feel 'fake', and that I must either be a trans man or a cis woman. But when it comes down to it, using the words 'I am a man' or 'I am a woman' just feel wrong. Something that could be helpful is to ask yourself a few questions and see what answers feel most natural.

For example, some questions I have asked myself are:

-Am I woman?

-Am I man?

-Would I feel more myself with a flat chest?

-Would I feel more myself if my genitals were different?


In some cases, I found it easier to see how comfortable certain statements felt, rather than asking myself questions. For example:

'I am a man' instead of 'am I a man?'

That allowed me to see how it felt to define myself that way. Now, I'm not saying that I immediately understood my gender straight after asking those questions or using those statements. I still question my gender a fair bit currently. But for the most part, these questions and statements all lead to the same overall answer of me being non binary.

[rockedblack]

I'm a non binary person who regularly questions and has huge doubts about their gender and the legitimacy of their gender. It's very easy to have internalised feelings about non binary genders, even if you are non binary yourself. There are times when I feel 'fake', and that I must either be a trans man or a cis woman.

Oh yeah, I've certainly internalized feelings about non binary genders being fake. I've denied myself to explore that world for so long, but now I say enough is enough and it's time to be true to myself.

What really struck me is when I was thinking to myself, if we lived in a perfect world, where non binary is a legitimate gender on legal documents, I would choose it. I don't know, I never found myself as a person who picks sides. But I always come down to "You're just a *insert assigned gender* who likes masculine and feminine things. Doesn't mean you have to come up with a whole new gender." But I keep thinking about it more and more. It's weird when thinking about being treated like a man or a woman to me.

I also wonder how I'm supposed to travel the "real world" as non binary. How do I explain this to coworkers, friends, family, etc. I'm also afraid of loneliness and being treated differently. Being seen as a "special snowflake" just because I'm non binary. Those are my fears and stuff. Thank you for your response. Helps me feel like I'm not alone.

[Satinjoy]

You are not alone

It is far, far, far from fake to be nonbinary.  I am nonbinary yet am also full no op transition.  As time goes on, as you meet more people, you'll figure out that there are many ways to be trans.

The fears are valid, unfortunately, but as you stand your ground, respect comes, both self respect and by others.

I work as a male androgyne in a high pressure office environment in construction.  Nobody messes with me, nobody questions me.   You earn the respect you deserve.

Its a journey, but denial really doesn't help you at all.  Find your truth, you know it deep inside, accept it, embrace it, don't fear it.  Whatever that truth may be.  Skip the labels, who are you inside, what do you feel? 

Learn to love it.

[rockedblack]

You are not alone

It is far, far, far from fake to be nonbinary.  I am nonbinary yet am also full no op transition.  As time goes on, as you meet more people, you'll figure out that there are many ways to be trans.

The fears are valid, unfortunately, but as you stand your ground, respect comes, both self respect and by others.

I work as a male androgyne in a high pressure office environment in construction.  Nobody messes with me, nobody questions me.   You earn the respect you deserve.

Its a journey, but denial really doesn't help you at all.  Find your truth, you know it deep inside, accept it, embrace it, don't fear it.  Whatever that truth may be.  Skip the labels, who are you inside, what do you feel? 

Learn to love it.

Thank you very much for this encouragement. I'm glad I'm not alone in this and there are people like you and me in the world somewhere. I work in an office environment as well and I KNOW I cannot come out there because I live in a state where trans people can get fired just for being trans.

Denial certainly doesn't help, I don't want to be like Ted Haggard. I just want to find my own truth and accept it for what it is. Again, thank you for this encouragement 

[Satinjoy]

Nice to share with you.