In Need of Advice

[Manatee]

I feel stuck.
I live in a rather religious household and I feel as if I won't be accepted by my family or they won't look at me the same way if I were to come out to them.
My father is particular homophobic and transphobic and I am afraid of how he would react.
I'm certain that I will be at least disowned by him but I am worried that if I do come out to him, he will resort to violence and I just don't know what to do. I can't try to rationalize with him because he'll just end up in a rage. My mom would be more understanding I think and I'm sure she already suspects something. My sister will berate me for it. She assumes I'm gay and she already berates me for that--though she considers herself accepting of gay people. I guess just not with me.
I'm seventeen and will be turning 18 at the end of the year but I don't want to wait. Even after I turn 18 I still don't feel safe enough to come out. I'm considering completely cutting my family off, especially my father because I genuinely fear for my safety. I really don't know what to do.

[Heita]

It's very easy when you are young to be impatient, and even more natural to feel a sense of urgency on a subject of such importance. But you don't need to screw up yourself to move forward, you still have a long life that will be just the way you want it.

Maybe you can find comfort in making plans. When will you complete your education? What kind of job will you looking for? Plan your path to freedom without jeopardising your future, and have confidence that you'll get there.

You also have your mind and your privacy. If you are here on this forum maybe your family don't control your use of Internet. You can make friends here, read a lot everywhere online and use your fantasy to get to know yourself better and to express yourself safely.

Don't get blinded by the current situation and don't let the fear do the reasoning. Think about your beautiful future life and how to protect it and bring it into the present.

[objectionyourhonour]

Well said Heita, all great advice.

I would just emphasise that your safety is important and in your situation it's probably not worth jeopardising for the sake of being more comfortable right now. It can be really tough to wait but it's probably for the best so hang in there.

Are you out to any of your friends or other people outside your family? Being able to talk openly and be yourself, even just in private with one person, can be really liberating.

Otherwise, explore the forum and see what's going on, there are some lovely people on here. I'm the same age as you and also from a very conservative/transphobic family, so message me if you want someone to chat to

[Tyler]

I may be repeating some things said above- I only skimmed the other responses, so sorry in advance.

Above all, your safety is the most important. If you believe that you will not be safe if you come out to a certain person, do not put yourself in that harmful position. Tell them when you are in a place where they cannot harm you- for example at college, moved out, etc. I know it's really hard to wait, but being safe comes above all.

On top of that, find accepting friends. Social media can be a good place to find fellow trans young people and get support, advice, or just friendship.

I wish you all the best!

[Amanda_Combs]

I would recommend that you don't tell your parents for as long as you have to be near them regularly.  But in the meantime, you can tell certain people you trust, you can identify yourself as whichever gender you are on anonymous places online, and you can even do some things physically to make you feel more in line with your gender.  Here's an example of that last one, I grow out and care for my hair a lot, which doesn't make anyone look at me like a woman, just a guy with nice hair.  But it still makes me feel like a lady.  Just please be patient and do not put yourself in any danger.  Life is long and you should plan for it to be as good as possible.

[~Carmen]

When I came out my dad and grandpa did not accept me at all and didn't want anything to do with me. But after awhile after they seen how much I was hurting and how happy I was transitioning, they realised they love me, and want me to be happy no matter what. Today my dad is proud to call me his daughter, and my grandpa is actually trying to use female terms for me