How to "talk" more like a man?

[LatrellHK]

I've always had a very feminine/girly voice that's high pitched, so I've been steadily training myself to talk in a lower tone. The best I can do, without trying now, is a "kinda low for a girl but still high for a guy" tone, if that makes sense. It just barely passes as a guys voice, but doesn't help me when people figure out I'm past puberty and not 16.... On phones I am ALWAYS being misgendered and I can't talk in anything above a speaking tone or it jumps in pitch to obviously feminine, or gay fem guy (as some guys call it).

So I'm on T and that'll lower my voice, but that takes time and I need to work on what I am given. It's only now a problem because both my new jobs require me to talk quite loudly or yell and almost every time everyone around me is confused because it's just girly. My job seems pretty open minded, through various conversations, but I don't know for sure yet so I'm not out. Just wanna be safe. Any voice advice?

I would go through voice therapy but that isn't covered by insurance and I'm broke, so gotta DIY it for now.

[Ayden]

I was raised by mostly men but the women in my family were Southern Belles, so I struggled with worries about how I talk. What I've noticed is that if I slow down just a little and keep my inflection low,  I don't have any problems.  My voice didn't lower as much as I hoped on T but I've found that it's my style of talking much more than the pitch of my voice that confuses people.

The best advice I can give (for me before and after T) is to think of this: imagine you're teaching people your native language. You slow down a little, not much,  and keep your inflection neutral.  Of course, I taught English in Japan for 4 years so I have a lot of practice.

I never had speech therapy outside of when I was a kid to learn how to hide my southern accent  (it's insanely strong if I don't state aware of it). So that's my best advice. I'm sure the other guys will chime in.

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[steel86man]

I don't have much, or really any, advice. I just appreciate your question because I've been on T for a year, as of yesterday. And just two weeks ago on the phone some guy called me ma'am and I was too shy, caught off guard, and sad to say anything. I guess if anything besides working on your voice, confidence is key. Also, I've sometimes said my name is Mr. and then my name. So then they don't misgender. Idk if that at all helps. I'm still looking to try to find voice therapy or something because I grew up with 3 sisters and they all would get this high inflection voice on the phone, I've got that problem now too. :-/


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[FTMax]

Remember that it's not just necessarily about pitch or tone. There are also patterns of speech that are commonly used by women that men typically don't use. These are harder to unlearn than accents or pitch, because it's something that we are not consciously aware of. A lot of this is where you put vocal inflections or emphasis into sentences. Speak more slowly. Don't automatically use placating speech like saying "yes" or "sure" before you provide further response. Don't inflect your voice at the end of a sentence unless you are asking an actual question.

Women also tend to display a lot more non-verbal immediacy cues like eye contact, smiling, direct body orientation, proximity, gestures, and physical contact. So I would also be mindful of these things when you're speaking to people in public as opposed to over the phone.

[Dena]

One of the issues with voices is that men and women use their voice differently. MTF take advantage of this in developing their trained voice and this allows them to work the feminine range. Combined with other changes to the speech pattern, it's often possible to achieve a very feminine voice. If a FTM continues to use the "trained" voice after T, the voice may not drop enough to sound masculine. This requires speaking in a more mono tone voice and relaxing the muscles above the larynx while speaking. If done properly the vibration will be felt more in the neck region instead of the mouth. Should you require any additional assistance in learning this process, I am available.

[LatrellHK]

I'll be sure to try and remember some of this. The body language part is easier for me, sort of, as my co-workers and friends, who are aware of everything, tell me when I'm "acting feminine". I usually just watch how guys talk to each other and mimic it with my own personal twist, cause I'm not gonna be acting directly like people.

It really kind of helps that I live with guys, so I just watch how they do their thing. I also work with guys mostly, at least kitchen area, so I'm exposed (and very close to) around 3-5 guys at once. I've been sort of watching and listening with how they talk and go with it.

[WolfNightV4X1]

I just use "bro", "dude","man", and "buddy" a lot. Although ive been doing this before transition because its quite the masculine way to talk. Ive picked this up that it is almost for a fact an identical male way of speaking as Ive observed many of my customers use these words amongst me and each other.

[Ella_bella]

There is a very good app available for both Apple and Android, called EVA. There is an EVA MTF (which I am using), and EVA FTM. I would suggest having a look. The content is from a very well respected speech pathologist Kathe Perez.

I have found the content so far to be fairly good. She also has a 30 day crash course (which is much of the same as the EVA app - but slightly more depth), I don't know if she has a 30 day crash course for FTM though.

I think its worth doing, its a lot cheaper than going and seeing a speech therapist, and you can work at your convenience. Like anything though, you get out what you put in.

Hope this helps!

[sigsi]

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I think woman talk more (or more in detail) than men do. At least with observing people at school and work, my female friends and co-workers tend to talk more in depth while the males just got right to the point and didn't have much chit-chat.
Most of my household is female, all of which talk a lot (sometimes too much). My dad does the same though and goes into way too much detail, so it's not necessarily always true.
As others have said as well, inflection, how fast you talk, and body language are all stuff to keep in mind. Good luck.

[Dena]

@sigsi if you look here you will find the same thing you are talking about. Yes, women have a less direct way of speaking.

[sigsi]

@sigsi if you look here you will find the same thing you are talking about. Yes, women have a less direct way of speaking.

Thanks for the link and clarification.

[schwarzwalderkirschtort]

Shorter sentences. Straight to the point. Talk more slowly, too. Try to stay more on the monotone side.

[LatrellHK]

The slowly part is gonna be hard because I talk very fast, like my dad. We both talk extremely fast so I have to really slow it doooown.

Speaking of getting straight to the point, I've noticed that now that you mention it. Most guys I talk to are very 'point a to point b' in our conversations, not much of one to begin with honestly...

Honestly this is gonna be the biggest challenge for me. I've had the luxury of slowly being able to transition from very feminine to now throughout the course of a few years. I never focused too much on voice other than teaching myself to lower it because it was incredibly high pitched and in no way passable for a man. Now I gotta really try and teach myself this stuff while I'm just starting T before I end up with a voice I really dislike.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

The men I'm around a lot are doing political work, they always start with chit chat and try to be charming and take a while to get to the point. Any generality has its exceptions.

I have trained myself to do what I consider the "customer service voice". It makes me sound feminine even though my voice has lowered. I catch myself jumping into it a lot. I developed it as a shield because of being an ASD person working customer service. I couldn't be myself and survive; I had to be someone else. When I feel threatened, I start using that voice.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Chris Hayes on TV talks in a rapid high-pitched voice. Of course, people call him names like mini-Rachel Maddow so you could say that tendency is not received positively.

As trans people we're often forced to overcompensate just to get correctly gendered. At the cost of authenticity, perhaps?