"Just a phase"

[KarlMars]

When you first started to realize you were transgender did you often think that it was "just a phase" to yourself and doubt/second guess yourself at first because you didn't want to deal with all the trouble related to being transgender? I did this at first. I went through phases and had all the signs of being transgender but kept second guessing myself. All my life I did this and didn't come to terms with the fact that I was transgender (didn't put a name on it) until my early 20s.

[Mariah]

I never thought it was a phase. It was never something that went away for me, but then my being born intersexual probably is why that is. Hugs
Mariah

[Amber42]

As I went through life, I didn't really think it was a phase, but I think I just rode it through....I figured I needed to do what I had to.  I guess I hoped it went away.

Now, I second guess myself a lot.  I know deep down that I am who I am and that reality really doesn't fit my life.  Somedays I kind of wish it was a phase and it would go away.   Other days, i am happy about me, but I wish my situation would be different, so I can be me.

It's always been there for me but I didn't put a name to it until the last few years.  I wish I had done something many many moons ago!


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[JoanneB]

I never thought being TG was "Just a Phase".  What passed for various phases is how I felt or did things to address or manage the GD.

Funny how through the lens of time I can look back and and think "I want to be a Normal(ish) Guy" was a multi decade phase. I tried to think I was. I tried my best to be one. I did about everything possible to convince myself I was.

Being a Guy was "Just a Phase"

[FTMax]

Before I knew what being trans was, I just assumed (narrow-minded as I was at the time) that I was just a butch lesbian and that this was how it felt to be that way. When a friend came out as trans and I learned what it was, it was really jarring for me and I spent a long time shoving the idea that I was trans to the back of my mind.

I did wonder if it was a phase at the very beginning, just because of my friend coming out and starting to transition. Was I really trans, or was I just copying him? We had grown up on the same block of the same small town - wasn't it statistically improbable that I was also trans?

All that combined with worries about how my family would take it kept me in the closet for a really long time. When I did finally start taking steps towards transitioning, I found that I had very few doubts about it anymore.

[Kylo]

No. I knew I wasn't a lesbian, I knew I wasn't a straight woman, etc. Just knew it from all my collective experience, which is kind of how I view the world. Everything in my memory is collated. It's all there stacked up even if I didn't know the words for what I was or was feeling. The moment I knew the words and studied the description of trans, I knew that's what it was.

Whether I was going to act on it though... that took some thinking.

[Tama-Ann]

I never saw mine as a 'phase' as I didn't know what transgender was until 2-3 years ago.
This is when I knew who I was and what I needed to do - because whenever I envisioned the future I always imagined a ballgown dress to my wedding - much like Cinderella's as I was obsessed with her when I was little and to this day it's what I envision. I knew that if I am to be married I will be wearing a dress and I didn't understand it but the whole 'transgender' thing cleared it up.

I have a whole historical background (but won't write too much of it as it's quite deep and makes me teary) of being transgender but I will tell you my happiest and my earliest memories of the first sign of being 'transgender'.
Dressing up in Disney dresses and breaking gender boundaries especially for little kids was something I never payed attention to til now how much it affected me - as it solidified what I wanted in the future without truly understanding it. <- so thats basically how I know it isn't a 'phase' as it's been in the core of me :3

I do however second guess myself as I am scare of repercussions and public reaction - though it's mostly been positive in my mostly feminine slightly androgynous clothing and make-up - so I feel good knowing that my full transition I should be fine ;3

[Deborah]

I never thought being TG was "Just a Phase".  What passed for various phases is how I felt or did things to address or manage the GD.

Yeah, me too.  I never really thought it was a phase.  For a while though I thought I could manage and live with it or even beat it entirely.  I was generally pretty ignorant about it all even though I knew what it was.  There wasn't much, if any, information before the internet.


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[popa910]

We had grown up on the same block of the same small town - wasn't it statistically improbable that I was also trans?

Just an FYI, statistics don't quite work like that.  It is incorrect to think that, given one trans person, it's unlikely that there'll be another one nearby, since trans people make up a rather small percentage of the population.  In other words, knowing that one person is trans does not affect the probability that someone else nearby is trans.

The correct way would be to say that it's much more unlikely to find 2 trans people growing up near each other than it is to find just one in that area.  This just means that the combination of the 2 events (1 person being trans and a 2nd person nearby also being trans) is much less likely than either of the individual events occurring. 

[MisterQueer]

I didn't necessarily think it was a phase, I just wanted it to be a phase.

[KarlMars]

Before I knew what being trans was, I just assumed (narrow-minded as I was at the time) that I was just a butch lesbian and that this was how it felt to be that way. When a friend came out as trans and I learned what it was, it was really jarring for me and I spent a long time shoving the idea that I was trans to the back of my mind.

I did wonder if it was a phase at the very beginning, just because of my friend coming out and starting to transition. Was I really trans, or was I just copying him? We had grown up on the same block of the same small town - wasn't it statistically improbable that I was also trans?

All that combined with worries about how my family would take it kept me in the closet for a really long time. When I did finally start taking steps towards transitioning, I found that I had very few doubts about it anymore.

I did the same thing with my trans friends- wondered if I had copied them. I think that's why I was drawn to trans people to begin with only to find out I was one.

[MissAmandaJones]

It was just a phase for me five times. Now at 24 I really think I'm probably just meant to be a woman. I don't think I should have transitioned when I was 16 though because I had to gain the confidence that comes with growing up in order to really start embracing myself.

[WarGrowlmon1990]

In grade ten in 2005 I realized that I wasn't a girl and was wanting to look into hormones and surgery. on September 27, 2005 I came out to my parents and told them about it. They acted is if they thought it was a joke at first, then became hostile and acted as if me going through with it would ruin their lives and reputations. I basically got shoved back in the closet and they manipulated me into believing it was all a phase. I actually found myself feeling guilty for feeling that way because I knew about the things trans people deal with and saw myself as a confused faker. In August 2015 I found out that transgender does not only apply to people who have already undergone hormones and surgery (as everyone in my life had claimed) and it dawned on me that I really was trans after all. The "it's just a phase" excuse seems to be one of the most popular methods people use to force us to stay closeted. The manipulation that came with it is what got me doubting myself the most.

[sparrow]

I desperately hoped that it was a phase, for about 3 years, before I accepted it.  My wife also encouraged this viewpoint.  Turns out that giving her a say in my identity was a bad idea.

[Moyshe313]

I thought it was all a phase when I was in early teen years, well into my late teens I knew something was different but didn't know what Trans was at that point. Mid 20s, knew full well I should be female. Early 30s enough courage to do something about it

[FTMax]

We had grown up on the same block of the same small town - wasn't it statistically improbable that I was also trans?

Just an FYI, statistics don't quite work like that.  It is incorrect to think that, given one trans person, it's unlikely that there'll be another one nearby, since trans people make up a rather small percentage of the population.  In other words, knowing that one person is trans does not affect the probability that someone else nearby is trans.

The correct way would be to say that it's much more unlikely to find 2 trans people growing up near each other than it is to find just one in that area.  This just means that the combination of the 2 events (1 person being trans and a 2nd person nearby also being trans) is much less likely than either of the individual events occurring. 

I was 17 at the time and didn't quite understand how to math. I do now, as it's what I do for work, but that was my initial thought process as a teenager.

[WorkingOnThomas]

Nope. I dealt with it in phases, cycles, really. Buying girl's clothing, trying to 'be normal', giving up and buying guy's clothing, being myself and briefly happy, letting someone dump on me, starting over.

But I never thought it was something I was going to grow out of, just something I could quash if  I worked hard enough. And now that I'm in my thirties, I think I'm well past having 'phases' no matter what my family may wish.

[Asche]

It has never occurred to me to see it as "just a phase."  The roots go too deep and too far back.  I'm not sure exactly where my transition will take me, but I know I won't ever go back to where I was.

I hate the phrase "just a phase."  Mainly the "just."  It suggests that a thing is valueless and meaningless in the long run, and I don't think that something one engages in wholeheartedly can be meaningless, even if one gives it up after a time.  We engage in them because they fulfill a need and help us to become what we need to become.  If we refuse to pursue something because we're afraid it's "just a phase," we impoverish ourselves.

[Hughie]

No. I knew I wasn't a lesbian, I knew I wasn't a straight woman, etc. Just knew it from all my collective experience, which is kind of how I view the world. Everything in my memory is collated. It's all there stacked up even if I didn't know the words for what I was or was feeling. The moment I knew the words and studied the description of trans, I knew that's what it was.

Whether I was going to act on it though... that took some thinking.

Ah, I can relate so much to this. I was very certain I wasn't a lesbian... though my family has wondered if I am for the last couple of decades, lol. I'm attracted to guys. But I didn't have the language to describe what I felt till this year, and when I also read a description of being trans, I felt like I got a kick to the head and a wake up call. Everything made soooo much more sense after that. But then, after accepting this about myself, I'm in the phase now of figuring what I'm going to do about it....

[CarlyMcx]

It was a phase I went through as a small child, then in elementary school, then in junior high, then in high school, then in college, then as a young adult, and then twice in middle age.  It just kept coming back.