insert cliche subject title here

[lee_the_tree]

What's up, everyone?

My name is Lee. I'm a 26 year old pre-everything, female-to-male, in North Carolina. (yeah I live in one of the worst states to be trans right now)

I've been seeing a gender therapist for two months now, but been discussing trans issues for nearly a decade in therapist offices. I've recently begun living as a man full time, at work/home/in public. I am out to friends, and a few family members.

Today I see my psychiatrist (obviously a different  person from my therapist, she handles my depression/anxiety medication). I am not necessarily out to them yet, but I did sign my gender as "other" when I started seeing them. I am planning on asking for a referral to an endocrinologist or for an informed consent letter so I can start hormone replacement therapy soon.

It's much harder to live as a man when I don't /look/ like a man, and the dysphoria I feel gets worse each passing day. I'm trying to focus on the good about me, but the image in the mirror is just so far from what I need to be. I'm 5'5'' and 120lbs, it's very hard for me to gain muscle mass despite working out, and much to my chagrin I'm shaped like a barbie doll.

It's been so bad that I don't really go anywhere I can be seen unless I have to...basically I'm agoraphobic. Somehow coming out at work just opened up a reality that was too painful to take off at the end of the day. Being utter lovely time I get to be "me" for 8 hours while I wear a binder is just broken by a terrible reflection of the wrong me.

How do some of you others deal with the crippling dysphoria?  This week I've been so messed up I couldn't get out of bed to go to work. I will go my appointment today, because it's a hopeful visit.

I just need to know I'll be ok.

If there are any other peeps in North Carolina, specifically the RTP area, I'd love to hear your experiences good/bad with your therapists/doctors/surgeons.  Maybe even just a list of resources both online and offline that could be helpful for a newbie transitioning man.


Anyway, enough of me whining.

I'm looking forward to learning about all of you, and getting to see the world through your perspectives. Let's heal, y'all.

[V M]

Hi Lee 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[Mariah]

Hi Lee, welcome to Susan's. My way of dealing with it was to do anything I could to get my mind off of it and was to do anything I could that would minimize it. It's true until your on T that you will have to try and workout twice as hard to make any progress and even then it's likely a fraction of the strength you will gain on T. Handling the Dysphoria will also depend on which things give you the most dysphoria. It sounds like your body shape is high on the list in this case. A binder should be able to help with some of that shape. Also Men's clothing can help hide some of the curves well. You just have to pick your battles depending on what will fit you. I'm sure some of the guys will have more for you, but hopefully that will get you started. You might want to check out the FTM Talk on the forum. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah