Fear of rejection

[Richenda]

Hi my lovelies,

It's under 2 weeks until my surgery and it's been a tough week. It began when one of my friends messaged me to say 'most of your Facebook friends will think you're a freak.'

Great. That's the second time a t-full man has said something like that to me. With friends like these ...It kind of took the wind out of my sails a bit.

My Facebook friends have actually been fantastically supportive of me: amazingly so but it's still really hard when I consider how the world may reject me for taking this next step. Outer life, as opposed to inner me, was a whole load easier when I played at being male.

Does this resonate with any of you? Just wondered

x

[SorchaC]

Hey

You have to be you whatever others think, I am sure we have all encountered people who disagree with us for being ourselves but you're not doing it for them. You just reach a point where being who you are matters more then what others think.

It is harder to dismiss negative comments from family and loved ones but that is part of the thought process you will have gone through to get to this stage hoping to convince them if not to support you then at least understand you are doing what you feel you have to.

Good luck with the surgery and I hope your friends don't think you're a freak but if they do then they are not friends

Hugs

Sorcha 

[Richenda]

Thank you Sorcha: great words. I had a lovely phone conversation with someone after I posted that and she said the same. Thank you

Are you still in Thailand by the way?

x

[CrysC]

It's easier to question something you are about to get compared to when it was but a dream.  I still don't have my date and every single day I wake up and pray that today I'll get a call for an early scheduling.  My date without being pulled in is in May but I'm near the top of the cancellation list so I am really really hoping for this fall. 

Every day when I get in that shower and see myself in the mirror is like a punch in the forehead.  Every time when I see the wrong bulge or go to the bathroom I'm like damn it!  When I think about a bikini, the beach or how about sex I am disturbed.

You are less than 2 weeks to be freed from all of that.  Ignore the haters as best you can.  Life is too short to deal with douche bags. 

But yes, I can completely understand why you could feel what you feel.  Words hurt but, remember why you are here at this moment.  Sorcha is right and that those who say such garbage are not friends.  Use that unfriend action or pm them to let them know how their words hurt you and if they apologize then that's one redeemed human.  If not, unfriend. 

I still remember my supposed friend lean across the table when I told him that I was trans and he said to me so nicely and kindly, "But there is no way you will ever pass."  hurtful jerk like that has no place in my life.

so be happy, relax and play Shake it Off by T Swift.

[SorchaC]

Are you still in Thailand by the way?

Yes I am here until July 31st. Weather is hot most days with the odd heavy shower so bring a brolly

Hugs

Sorcha 

[Richenda]

Ooooh. I'm down south (Phuket) and coming up to Bangkok on 27th. I will be at PAI on 28th for tests, surgery 30th. I'll be staying at the Salil Hotel in Thonglor (near to PAI). If you fancy a coffee I'd really love that.

Actually I'm half wondering about going to the Selena Gomez concert the evening before the op

Thank you Crys for your beautiful and encouraging words too. I resonate 100% with what you've written. Thank you so much and, guess what? I've just put on the Taylor Swift. Yay!!!

[SorchaC]

Well I am staying in Asoke Residence Sukhumvit but I am quite proficient with BTS and MRT now so meeting up would be lovely  You're quite close really so it should be easy to have a coffee on Sukhumvit Road near the BTS.

I will message you my Thai number and we can arrange something

Hugs

Sorcha 

[Mariah]

Others are going to say what they are going to say. Those who are like that are going to say what they like no matter so I wouldn't let it get to you if you can. I say do what makes you happy. After all in the end it is their problem in the end not yours if they can't handle it. Hugs
Mariah

[Rachel]

He was really rude and probably does not know how that word hurts. I would let him know how he hurt you and he should apologize. If he does not bock him out, shut him down and lock him out.

[Richenda]

Thank you my lovelies for your replies above and again I totally agree. It's just so lovely to be reaffirmed on here. I know we know, or think we know, these things but it's still lovely to have someone else say it especially after such a horrible comment.

I suppose to be fair he has now apologised but claimed that he didn't call me a freak. Hmmm. Weasel words those if you ask me. It still hurt like mad. In fact it was more hurtful than if he'd said 'I think you're a freak' because it really made me doubt.

Sorcha thank you hon: fab, will call you that week x

[rosinstraya]

As others have said: people who want to throw muck and cause you pain have no place in your life. If your "freak" friend steps out of line again, then don't feel any regret about kicking him to the kerb!

All the very best for your surgery!

[GeekGirl]

I second all of these supportive comments so far. It's been 6 years of living, breathing, and being who I was meant to be and while I don't get called a freak, I still get the occasional backhanded compliment. The people who tend to hurt you the most are the ones whom you knew pre-transition and you thought were your friends. I can see why so many of us decide to jump ship to a new city and start all over. I didn't have that option, so I stuck it out and went through the whole process of transitioning at my workplace, with my friends, etc. I was able to reconnect with old friends and make new ones.

The thing is everyone has something in their personality or background that would be considered unusual by others, so to call anyone a freak is just stupid.

[Richenda]

I love these messages of support so much. Thank you I've had such a boost reading these lovely comments: it was just the tonic I needed. My flight from the south to arrive in Bangkok is booked. All set for surgery at the end of next week

Chen
x

[Richenda]

As a follow up to this I've had some exchanges with the 'friend' who made the original comment but only after I ran a survey.

Basically five days ago I set up a 100% anonymous Survey Monkey survey and invited FB friends for their responses to ten questions on transgender. The results were, to me, remarkably positive. There were over 100 respondents and rather than my friend's assertion that 'most of your Facebook friends will think you're a freak' only 1 answered in that vein. The rest of the questions produced incredibly enlightened and wonderful results.

So I shared this with my friend today and said 'I may be able to get past this but you need to admit you got this badly wrong and that you hurt me deeply.'

He has replied that 'I never called you a freak.'

I think, alas, the friendship is drawing to a close. But as here and fb has shown me, there are countless others who are positive and lovely.

x