Self Mutilation

[EllenP]

"We stand at the Crossroads of Gender. Balanced on the sharp edge of a Knife."

It happened again this morning!  I woke up with an erection.  It is a rare enough event but it disgusts me to feel THAT THING flying high like that.  This happens seldom enough do to my blood pressure and anti depression meds.  In June I found myself on the internet looking up ways to kill THAT THING.  That action scared me and why I came out to my therapist as transgender.  This morning I found myself once again surfing the internet on ways to kill my male bit so that it won't get an erection again.  The fact that I respond to these erections in such a desperate way scares me.  Thank god I see the therapist on Tuesday.  For the moment swatting it down with my hand or some other object hurts enough to stop the erection for the moment.  Getting nervous that I might not be able to keep my balance on the sharp edge of a knife for much longer.

[Dena]

It's important to remember that you are looking at a future clitoris/vagina and damage to it will greatly effect the final results of the transition. It's also possible that when you start on a blocker, it's activities will be greatly reduced or eliminated. For now, try to keep your mind on something else so you don't fall into the thought pattern where you want to take physical action against it. If you have difficulty, consider talking to you therapist before your next appointment.

[Ms Grace]

Firstly, please don't cut your genitals off, you will likely die from blood loss and even if not then all you will have moving forward is a pee hole in the wrong place...GRS surgeons use the penis and scrotum to create a vagina, labia and clitoris.

Erections are normal biological responses from your body so please don't hate on it for simply doing what it is programmed to do. That programming is mostly from testosterone so once you get that down through anti androgens and/or estrogen HRT then the issue of erections will largely but not completely subside. The "morning glory" erection is usually caused by a full bladder (especially if you are sleeping on your back as the weight of the bladder presses down on the blood circulatory system from the penis), rather than any actual sexual response.

[Peep]

Would cold water work as a safer option...? I've heard of ice cubes being used as a less dangerous way to replace (non-genital) self injury

I don't have that part tho so I don't know if it's a good idea or not >.>

[EllenP]

Dena, don't worry, I know what the man bits are for.  Too bad we can't put it on ice for a couple of years!  Just wish the freaking thing was elsewhere.

Ms. Grace.  We wil blame it on the full bladder, cuz it was.  I also know the erections are necessary for penile health.  Without them (ugh, nevertheless) shrinkage becomes an issue and all the doctor's future handiwork becomes limited. 

Still that thing and in that position is a very unwelcome visitor in this part of the neighborhood.

[Reyes]

I honestly don't know if this will help you with that, it did for me a little.

But I don't know what led me to do so, but I searched for the mtf surgery on youtube and found one.

Now just so you know, it is bloody as anything, and I am not could with stuff like that at all. But with this vid, I was fine, I watched it all the way through, I still had that, eww thought to all the blood, but at the same time I enjoyed watching it. I guess cause I'm seeing this and it's so amazing that this is possible and I loved it.

Now, at first I wondered if I just had no problem with that stuff anymore, so I clicked the link to the ftm surgery, and I'm sorry if I upset anyone by saying this, I really don't mean to. But like 30 seconds in I had to turn the video off because I was getting so queasy. Couldn't watch anymore, it was just.

But yeah, you may want to try that? I don't know if you'll actually be able to sit through it like I did, but.

Oh yeah, it's only 7 minutes so don't worry about it being long.

[EllenP]

Thank you Reyes,
I will take a look.