It's been a long while since i posted on the forum. Life has been moving at the speed of light and i have to say living full-time is everything that i imagined. This life as you well know does not come without hardship. I am personally blessed with passing privilege in public due to a long and sorted medical history. The hardest thing for me was adjusting to the non-passing privilege at work. Everyone knew what i used to be and it is really difficult. Perhaps more difficult than i would have imagined.
Over the last couple months i have gotten a whole lot more comfortable in my skin. I have relaxed while at work enough to start developing my own style and not care "as much" what others are thinking. When some one reacts weird, I am able to put it in perspective and shrug it off. That is until a recent event.
Maybe i have become too comfortable for my own good, i don't know. My wife and I have been going out on the weekends. Since i got my name changed and my new identification, the limitation that i had to live with for months are gone and i have been living my life the way it should have been; unrestricted. We were at one of my favorite bars with a friend of mine sitting on the patio drink adult beverages.
I live in a tourist town. There is tons of street traffic and while sitting on the patio, we peopled watched. A couple of cute guys walked by and ended up flirting and hitting on me. First, I am not used to that and second, it makes me very uneasy because, though i'd like to just blend in and be the female i have always been, for safety sake i need to be careful. I enjoy flirting but i am always restrained. I ended up shutting their advances down and we continued sitting there.
All of a sudden this woman, who was obviously intoxicated came up behind me and stood there smoking a cigarette. I am very social so we chatted back and forth and when she was done she came close, kissed me on the cheek and then went back to her group. It struck me as odd but i wrote it off as her being drunk.
Later when they closed the patio we were walking into the bar and we passed this woman's table. She asked us to sit down with them. Much to my chagrin we agreed. Not that she was going to be denied. My wife and friend had to go to the bathroom and while they were gone this lady leaned over real close to me. Within whispering distance she states..."you're a man... aren't you?" "I just know these things and can tell," she said.
I was shocked. I didn't know quite how to react. She didnt make a public eaxample of me yet still i was completely on the spot. Like a deer in the headlights. I have never really got called out like that outside of work. i'm sure you are think, stop complaining... well i'm not really complaining. I recognize that this is part of the road in front of me. I accept that however, here is my perspective.
How do you identify? I am really not sure how I identify. Technically i am intersex. I have ovaries that function. I am on hormones and at one time in my life i presented as a man. Does that make me trans? One of my friends is gay and she is so proud of who she is and she owns it. I am proud of who i am but i struggle with telling people. My girlfriends have a bad tendency in telling people before i meet them and it bothers me. I never know if they know or they don't. Does that matter? When i say somethign to them they just say i should be proud of it and own it. Why do i struggle then? I know who i am... I said from the beginning when i transition i just want to blend and live my life.
This woman brought my world, quite literally screeching to a halt. What should i say. My knee-jerk reaction was to say "Ummm... No, that is insulting!" My honest side ended up taking the reins and said "Well, at one time yes i was but, that was a long time ago, and only because the public saw me that way. I've always been a woman!"
Stupid lady! Why did she have to dredge all this stuff up within me? I know i will never be a true, cis female. I wish is was! I am no more male though thanks to my anatomy. I am a variant. I simply choose to present as a female. Not just choose, prefer.
What would you have done? I am polling the crowd. Has some one been this bold with you? What did you say?
