what % of clocking would make you reconsider transition

[stephaniec]

Just curious, I'm 33 months in and I still hear comments , but I also receive compliments and smiles. I'm too far past the point of no return.

[IdontEven]

I'm a little unsure of how to answer your question. Do you mean physical or social transition?

I will never stop taking HRT, or go back to pretending to be male personality-wise. But if I were clocked constantly there's a pretty good chance I would stick to male/andro clothing.

But I'm also incredibly weak - I care way too much and base too much of my practically non-existent self-worth on the approval of others. Someone with a healthier attitude could not pass and get along just fine in this world.

[KathyLauren]

My transition is all about me.  Sure it would be nice to not be clocked.  But at my age, that's probably not realistic.  So, I'm going to transition no matter what because it's what I want.  If other people don't like the way I look, ____ 'em. 

I am not going to hold back on my transition for fear of maybe (or maybe not) getting clocked.  And if I get through my transition and like the results, I'm sure as heck not going back just because someone clocked me.

[yayo]

I'm sure I get clocked plenty, even if people don't say so. And as far as looks go I'd say I'm really really lucky as is.

I think it should be obvious to anyone that I'm a woman :/ even if someone were to clock me. And it doesn't mean much. What matters is how my family, the guy I love, my friends etc and the people I fill my life with look at me. Not strangers.

All you can do is try your hardest and be the best you can be. And hormones, surgeries etc can help a lot. I think I've had a successful transition this far but I'm def not done yet! Regardless at 3 years on HRT, living my entire adult life as female, being accepted by everyone in my life, being legally female etc...going back would never even cross my mind as a possibility, no matter what.

[Lady Sarah]

It used to happen all the time, when I had an Adam's apple. It never made me rethink transition. I sure as heck ain't gonna rethink it now.

[Michelle_P]

My transition is all about me.  Sure it would be nice to not be clocked.  But at my age, that's probably not realistic.  So, I'm going to transition no matter what because it's what I want.  If other people don't like the way I look, ____ 'em. 

I am not going to hold back on my transition for fear of maybe (or maybe not) getting clocked.  And if I get through my transition and like the results, I'm sure as heck not going back just because someone clocked me.

Attagirl!  Damn right!

Um...  I have a remarkably similar attitude.  Must be part of the wisdom that comes with age.  (I'm 62...)

[Lady_Oracle]

I'm sure I get clocked plenty, even if people don't say so. And as far as looks go I'd say I'm really really lucky as is.

I think it should be obvious to anyone that I'm a woman :/ even if someone were to clock me. And it doesn't mean much. What matters is how my family, the guy I love, my friends etc and the people I fill my life with look at me. Not strangers.

All you can do is try your hardest and be the best you can be. And hormones, surgeries etc can help a lot. I think I've had a successful transition this far but I'm def not done yet! Regardless at 3 years on HRT, living my entire adult life as female, being accepted by everyone in my life, being legally female etc...going back would never even cross my mind as a possibility, no matter what.

Agreed, as someone else who has spent their entire adult life as a female in society I could careless at this point really, like every now and again it crosses my mind but its really not a worry anymore. Back when I first started transition, I went into thinking I was never going to have the life I have now. I went in fully knowing that I might always be clocked or whatever but my happiness is way more important than some stranger's judgement. Then again I've also been really lucky with how things turned out so I can't really comment if I was still unpassable like I was in my earliest days of transition, its easy for me not to care nowadays. There's so many little factors that go into this topic of clocking and passing, that I'm not really qualified to speak on since I'm not dealing with the same realities others are facing despite going through those same challenges back then.

[JoanneB]

My answer sure changed over time. Back almost 40 years ago I would have have hoped for never being clocked. At 6ft tall in an age and world willed with 5'4" women I could not help but to stand out. Being a big fat stuttering, mouth breathing, 4-eyed, knuckle dragging idiot I grew up standing out, and it was NOT a good thing. Both of my transition experiments came to an end.

It would be easy to say "Being clocked" was why. The truth is there is no way I can ever not be clocked. Today, as long as I don't get openly laughed at, it's OK. Even then, no violence is OK. Too long of a stare I chalk up to "I look damn good for an old bat" especially in a world filled with women who gave up on being women long ago.

Back almost 40 years ago I was not happy being me, being who and what I am. A few years of really difficult work totally turned that around

[Deborah]

I used to think 0%.  I'm weighing that now and reconsidering although I am having a hard time coming to an answer. 

I cannot stop HRT and go back to what was before.  That is not even a remote option to consider. 

I had thought I could just skate along the thin line in between and all would be well.  And I'm not really having any issues doing that right now.  Life is good.  Except . . . I am finding it increasingly dissatisfying.   

So, at the moment it is to be determined.

[Micki]

If getting clocked influences a person's personhood, then they're most likely not transsexual.

[Deborah]

I don't think it affects anyone's personhood.  It's more a matter of not wanting to be publicly degraded or ridiculed.  For some that may not matter at all.  Maybe they have stronger characters than I do?

When I was 13 my parents told me I was sick, twisted, and crazy.  For better or worse, those words still affect me after all this time.  I fear repeating that experience.

[Micki]

I understand that and I didn't mean it to insult anyone. I know as much as anyone how difficult things are when it comes to socialising. I was born with one testicle, so I had no choice but to be this way. I tried being as boyish as possible when I was a kid, even though at home and publically I'd tend to default to wearing girlish clothing and makeup, and I was ridiculed and told by upperclassmen that they thought I was a girl dressed like a boy. I'm kind of a shy person but I also have lotsa confidence too and I can be outgoing at times too. I've always had many friends, mostly when I was younger of course, but I grew up an only child and I've always had the inner gravitas to be myself regardless of what others think. I replied on another thread about how someone should be honest and upfront at their new place of employment. I just philosophically believe in tuning out the rhetoric and living my life.

[Karen_A]

At this point (19 years after going full time and 18 years post-op) going back is not really an option!

When I started out I wanted very much to be able to pass 100%. I  knew what it could mean for the texture of my life... but I feared (for good reason) that i could not get anywhere close to that... but obviously I went ahead anyway.

I got closer than I expected to,  but I do do get read sometimes... Hard to put a percentage on it because you only  know when you are read when it's very obvious...

One plus is that times have changed and in many places the penalties for getting read are MUCH less than they used to be. I found the on-line community in the late 80's and heard the problems of those who came before me that could not go stealth....  and it scared the daylights out of me...

But by the time I transitioned (1997), times had already changed enough that I did not lose my job etc etc.

Passing, blending, assimilating (whatever you call it) results in a life that is potentially significantly different than if you don't... But these days (at least in enough places) passing close to 100% is not necessary for survival in the world.

So if you don't think you will ever get close to 100%, the question you need to answer for yourself is :
Do you think you will be happier as woman than not, passable or not...

That was a much harder question to answer in the past, as the consequence of not passing were far worst.

- Karen

[saraht123]

I plan to continue to transition whether I get clocked or not. That said, I would prefer to be less clockable and I seek to attain some degree of passing privilege, thereby avoiding discrimination.

I did weigh things up before I started transitioning and decided I was going ahead regardless. So far, any progress I've made so far in transition has made me increasingly comfortable in my skin, regardless of whether I pass or not.

[.Christy]

i honestly dont give a ->-bleeped-<- about what others think. im comfortable in my own skin and i dont need people denying my life based on how well or not i blend into society. i would NEVER ever detransition, that's unthinkable for me. i make my own happiness and its not contingent on what others believe/say about me. i'll continue plowing through life head on as i've always had.

[CallApril]

If getting clocked influences a person's personhood, then they're most likely not transsexual.

Scared to hear you when you're pulling your punches.

[alex82]

I give a real ->-bleeped-<- about what others think, in terms of how I present myself physically, in terms of my clothing, in terms of what my flat looks like, in terms of the quality of work I think is acceptable to hand in. I seriously give a ->-bleeped-<- about it all being the best possible. Who wants to make a bad impression?

It's not so much percentages and clocking that's the problem, it's pity. 'Oh poor thing, tough gig, what a life' - insults you can answer back, but pity, that's just horrible.

[Michelle_P]

I give a real ->-bleeped-<- about what others think, in terms of how I present myself physically, in terms of my clothing, in terms of what my flat looks like, in terms of the quality of work I think is acceptable to hand in. I seriously give a ->-bleeped-<- about it all being the best possible. Who wants to make a bad impression?

It's not so much percentages and clocking that's the problem, it's pity. 'Oh poor thing, tough gig, what a life' - insults you can answer back, but pity, that's just horrible.

That's a good point.  While I don't care about being clocked so much, I really hate the idea of someone 'Oh, poor thing'ing me.  I had been presenting in public in a style I call "Grandma goes shopping", white or denim jeans or culottes, sneakers, T shirt or similar, and open blousy cover or cardigan over that.   It's The Uniform for the 60 and older set around here out Power Walking the mall. 

I've decided I wasn't showing myself enough respect.  As a retired professional, I'm kicking it up to the look I typically see among professionals, the engineering managers, senior office folks and whatnot that I saw for a number of years.  Better shoes, pants and skirts, Oxford style tops with some nice touches, a bit of bling.  I am more likely to be noticed and therefor clocked, I think, but I also seem to draw more respect.  (Americans and our "We're all equal*" caste system!)

[kittenpower]

If getting clocked influences a person's personhood, then they're most likely not transsexual.

Just because someone doesn't transition it doesn't mean that they are any less trans than any other trans person. And getting clocked can really suck because it makes you feel invalidated; it's like why can't they see me for who I truly am, and why are they being so cruel? And the whole point of transitioning for some of us is so the person we are on the inside can be revealed to everyone, and have everyone treat us as our truest self, so if someone is constantly clocked and misgendered they may begin to feel that their transition was pointless since people are unwilling to acknowledge them as they see themself and the only difference between pre transition and transition was that pre transition they didn't have to get the proverbial slap in the face every time they walked out the door, and perhaps backing off from being full time would help relieve a lot of stress and allow them to relax until they are better prepared to fully transition.

[Androol]

First time poster here.

Clocking makes no difference to me. Transition is a personal thing. As others have said, 100% passing would be wonderful, but not required at all.